ChristKnight Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 I have been dating my gf for the past 6 months. The relationship had been going smooth till I found out that she had lied about some things. My last ex had cheated on me and I was very clear from the beginning that i don't like to be lied to and it can create significant trust issues for me. One of the lies was about contact with ex, even though I still believe that there is no reason for her to hide that, I have trusted her even when she has met him to collect some stuff back when I am not in town. So the lying part did really hurt me. I told her that I don't keep exes from my past and its not really healthy to keep touch with an ex if we have not given significant time and space between them. (The ex is from a relationship that ended a year back and was in touch till even after I came in to the picture) We had access to each other's phone, I have never snooped around her phone, let alone use it in her absence. She used to keep the phone always flipped down and the notifications never came on the screen. I had mentioned that its not very open if you have to keep your phone flipped down infront of me. But recently i found that my fingerprint access had gone missing. I was calm, I asked her about it and she went all defensive and told me that how am i not able to believe her words, coming from a technical background, its hard for me to believe the finger print just appeared when her won access is intact, there were no updates or glitches. After a day, she asked me to take a look at her phone and settle this. I found that the call logs for 3 months had been missing, even though there are entries before and after that, the rest looked clean as expected. I don't have anything against her. But my gut is saying there is something wrong. Is it my past affecting me? Or is it because she lied once that i am not able to trust her? She is hurt, but i feel my concerns are genuine. Please let me know your thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 You don't trust her. You also think that phone access equals trust. It doesn't. I'm not sure how much time passed between her ending her prior relationship & her starting to date you if while dating you she had to meet him to get her stuff back. Those issues should have been long settled before she started dating you. That seems like a bigger issue then whether she keeps her phone face up or face down 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 You had fingerprint access to HER phone? Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 Its hard to trust your gut after having been cheated on, but it is your best defense. Trust your gut, if openness is important to you, and it sounds like it is and with good reason, I suggest you trust your gut and move on. Sure its possible your heightened need for transparency soured things, and if your relationship with ex was traumatic you should see an IC to work through it, but if she cannot understand this then the two of you just aren't matched. I wouldn't ask her to work this out either. I would just say sorry, this isn't working out. I need someone who is willing for us both to be open books. Wish you the best, goodbye. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 I agree with above, if the ex was an ex, why did she still have things at his place? Also the fact that the call log has been deleted for a 3 month period. She is hiding something, why else take a day to delete then let you see the phone. No proof of cheating but you have some red flags. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 Although I will agree that something seems a bit off (not saying she's actually cheating), I think your issues with trust needs to be your priority regardless what's going on with her. Until you address those issues from your past, you will continue to punish everyone in your future for the sins of your past. And that is not only not fair but not healthy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 (edited) Until you address those issues from your past, you will continue to punish everyone in your future for the sins of your past. And that is not only not fair but not healthy. This 100%^^^ When I got to the part where "We had access to each other's phone" it made my stomach churn. This is not healthy relationship behavior. Everyone deserves their privacy, even on their phone. I agree you definitely need to address your trust issues or you will be driving yourself mad with each relationship you go into. Just me but your GF should have seen the red flag when you told her " I was very clear from the beginning that i don't like to be lied to and it can create significant trust issues for me". This proves you are not ready for a relationship of any kind. I'm not going to dwell on what your GF could be doing for that will just play on your fears, and that isn't healthy either. Edited June 21, 2019 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ChristKnight Posted June 22, 2019 Author Share Posted June 22, 2019 Thank you everyone for your advice. I believe the trust issues from my end need to be addressed for this relationship or any other, to work. I will seek help from a therapist, I have told my concerns to her and do not want to hurt her any way. It would be wrong to put her through this. I had come to this forum at a very low point in life, everything i read had helped me to get through that phase and build better. So thanks again to everyone who have given their unbiased opinion. Thread Closed. Link to post Share on other sites
Decorum Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 So everyone has convinced you that your trust issues are the problem, ha ha ha. She is shady man, your instincts are spot on. The trust issue you have is you don't trust yourself. You should! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 So everyone has convinced you that your trust issues are the problem, ha ha ha. She is shady man, your instincts are spot on. The trust issue you have is you don't trust yourself. You should! You are hearing this story through an insecure point of view. I know a lot of people (including myself) who have dated an insecure person, were faced with repercussions when the truth was told, so to avoid that you end up feeling it's best to not tell them anything. That isn't right, but it doesn't mean they are being shady. Link to post Share on other sites
Inspire Posted July 6, 2019 Share Posted July 6, 2019 First of all, it isn't really your place to dictate if she keeps in touch with an ex. Some people break all ties, others try to remain friends, and some reconnect after a period of time has lapsed. Based on what you've told us, there is no reason to believe that something is going on other than a person not wanting to feel as though they're living under a microscope. I know it may not be a very settling feeling, but you have to learn to trust. The reality is, if someone wants to cheat on you, they CAN and WILL. Link to post Share on other sites
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