Annabanana247 Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 My ex is begging me to let him come to the birth of our baby who is due next week. We broke up because I found him on three different dating sites with recent pictures and fake names. He said they were old accounts but I created an account and messaged him and he messaged me back on it! I also found his computer search history which was loads of porn and searching up escorts in our area which he denied and said they must have popped up from streaming movies. I left him and don’t want him at the birth but I feel bad. It’s his kid. Should I tell him no? Or should I let him come? What would you do... I just feel completely disrespected. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 Do you really want a man who cheated on you to be watching your most vulnerable moments? Not to mention that you'll usually need to pick just one person who can be there with you, and picking him means that your mum or sister can't be there to give you support. If you really want, you can tell him that he can visit you the day after. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 wwhen the dust settles he is still the father of the baby. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 It's still his child. You have to do what's in the best interests of the child, not what is best for you. If him being there will cause you distress that is actually transferred to the baby during Labor & Delivery that constitutes a valid medical reason to keep him out. Other than that -- injury to the child -- if this baby's father wants to be there when the baby is born, I think that would be good for the child to know that he / she is loved. Congratulations on your bundle of jov. I'm sorry there will be this cloud over the occasion 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 It's still his child. yes that's what i said 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 but I don’t want him there If you don't want him there, then make sure that he is not there. The fact that he is the biological father does not mean that you should or need to put yourself in a distressing and stressful emotional state while also giving birth. There is nothing to 'feel bad' about just because you want to have the calmest possible environment into which Baby arrives - THAT is what is best for Baby's entry into this world. Wishing you an easy and safe labour and delivery; and calm and peaceful arrival for Baby. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 He can sit in the waiting room. There is no reason he needs to be in the delivery room with you if you don't want him there. Actions have consequences. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Annabanana247 Posted June 20, 2019 Author Share Posted June 20, 2019 yes that's what i said Yeah but just because he’s the father doesn’t mean he needs to witness my most vulnerable moment which should only include people that support me right? He will still see her but he doesn’t need to watch her come out. I don’t know just don’t think he deserves it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 Annabanana247, I think...rather focus on what Baby DOES deserve, than on what other people may or may not. That is, if you do hold feelings of resentment or anger, then those can be transferred into Baby, as d0nnivain said. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 Sounds like you are conflating 2 different situations, both of which you are choosing not to address directly: the build up of stress one week pre-birth is already not good for you or for baby. You don't have to deal with any of the escorts thing now, but you do need to get in touch with him re his presence in the delivery room to let him know what you want to do. Had you two discussed it beforehand and had an agreement? Either way, the mother's privacy rights come first and the father doesn't have the right to be in the delivery room - so essentially, it's your call even without the dating sites issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Annabanana247 Posted June 20, 2019 Author Share Posted June 20, 2019 Yeah he was originally going to come but I don’t want him there anymore. I confronted him about everything and he just keeps lying and I’ve been so stressed out I might not even put him on the birth certificate either. (He’s done other stuff too). Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 My ex is begging me to let him come to the birth of our baby who is due next week. We broke up because I found him on three different dating sites with recent pictures and fake names. He said they were old accounts but I created an account and messaged him and he messaged me back on it! I also found his computer search history which was loads of porn and searching up escorts in our area which he denied and said they must have popped up from streaming movies. I left him and don’t want him at the birth but I feel bad. It’s his kid. Should I tell him no? Or should I let him come? What would you do... I just feel completely disrespected. I understand how you feel, but I'm not sure this is a bridge you want to burn. He is the child's father. Hopefully he will want to be part of the child's life and help support him or her. If nothing else, you should at least start to make sure that there is a successful and amicable co-parenting front for the baby's sake . . . You'll need to put any acrimony behind you in order to make the child's life the best it can be and have two happy, supportive parents. No matter what happened between you two, the baby should not suffer or do without a father or "family unit" of some kind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 (He’s done other stuff too). like what? Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 You have cause to be upset of course but as far as the birth certificate, sorry to be blunt but if he's the baby's biological father, he needs to be on it for your baby's sake. Don't have him in the delivery room if you don't want him there, whatever your reasons. A happily married woman can still refuse her husband entry to the delivery room. It's entirely your decision. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 A happily married woman can still refuse her husband entry to the delivery room. It's entirely your decision. wtf? doesn't the husband have SOME rights? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 It doesn't matter if he's the best dad in the world, the birthing suite is about what the labouring mother needs to have a good birth. Anybody who will add to your stress levels while in there should be excluded. There will be plenty of time for his involvement after the birth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 Not in the delivery room (I don't make the rules alphamale, please don't shoot the messenger!). It's a privacy rights thing, I think. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 @Alpha, not in a birthing suite. It's all about supporting the labouring mother in the way she needs. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 hmm i didn't know that... i just assumed the dad would be legally allowed to be at the birth. my bad:o 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Atwood Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 Giving birth is a serious procedure and poses a lot of health risks. As others have said, stress is only going to make things worse. It is also possible that having people in the room who you do not want there will cause complications or contribute to longer/more painful labour because your stress levels will be heightened. Considering he has disrespected you and your relationship with him, he's furthering that disrespect by trying to force a situation on you that you don't want, and furthermore could harm you and your child's delivery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 I might not even put him on the birth certificate either. (He’s done other stuff too). I don't think it's legal to omit him from the birth certificate unless he signs a waiver, but you'll have to consult a lawyer about that. If he does sign a waiver that means that child support is waived as well, so unless you're rich and have enough to see the kid through 18 years of life easily, you'll want him on it. For now though, if he's stressing you out you can just go NC until you have delivered. Then IF you want you can arrange a visit for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 wtf? doesn't the husband have SOME rights? Not until the baby is actually born, nope (and by born they mean after labor is complete). Trust me, I don't think you or any other man would want the roles to be reversed - waiting in the delivery room is child's play compared to actually giving birth. Lots of women who do Cesarean births don't see their child immediately either. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 This is my two cents as a guy: Yes to the hospital, no to the delivery room. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 If you don’t want him there then don’t have him there. My mom was my support person for my oldest son and I have no regret about that. Are you married? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 I’ve been so stressed out I might not even put him on the birth certificate either. (He’s done other stuff too). You are pissed at him but punishing the child. Bad plan As for not putting him on the BC, that is just petty. He's the baby's father. You slept with him. Own up to that. He may have lied & cheated so you are right not to want to date him anymore, but this baby ties him to you forever. Even if you don't put him on the BC, if he really wants to be part of the child's life & it sounds like he does, all he has to do is file suit, compel a DNA test & viola, he's legally acknowledged as the baby's father with all the rights & responsibilities that come along with parenthood. In the eyes of the law it doesn't matter what you want. If you keep up this planned pattern of trying to keep him away from his child, you may end up on a wrong side of custodial interference charges. Moreover, you need him to pay child support. Before you go off on me about being able to raise this baby on your own, remember something: child support money does not belong to you. It belongs to the child. So even if you don't want the money, take it & sock it away for your child. Then in 18 years your kid will have money for college. Seriously you need to start thinking like a mom: Kid's needs come 1st. You can be as pissed as you want at the birth father but start doing what is in the baby's best interests. You are still making this all about you. You made this kid together; you are stuck with him unless you can get him to waive his legal rights which doesn't sound likely. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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