Going backwards

[Clarkwg]

Hi, haven’t been on here for a few years when I was struggling to overcome some sort of infatuation I had for my (suspect) bpd ex.

She had monkey branched straight in to a new relationship soon as we split (for the 1000th time) from out toxic relationship.

Anyway true to form her new relationship was 6 months happy then on/off for another year with him until that ended, I was kind of happy as he was the bloke she had left me for.

She then had a couple more relationships that went exactly the same way as above although neither of them really bothered me.

Over the last 12 months she has been trying to get back with me (I see her every week as we have a child together) but I have told her under no circumstances will I get back in to a relationship with her, even though I will not be in a relationship with her I have been spending more social time with her coffee & chats etc & sadly on 2 occasions this month I have let her be sexual with me however I still maintained I would not be in a relationship with her.

 

So now fast forward this week, she has got herself a new boyfriend & she’s so happy etc it’s a person who was always trying to get with her when we were together but unllike the last 2 that I wasn’t bothered about, this has really hit me for 6 & I feel like I’m back to where I was 3 & half years ago when we first split & she moved on.

Why am I like this now? I could have been with her if I’d wanted but I didn’t & still don’t however I can’t help obsessively thinking jealous thoughts about them together.

I know their relationship will be done by Xmas & not without utter turmoil, I already know that however, I can’t stop thinking I’m missing out.

 

Please somebody give me some wise words, it’s been a horrible week for me, I’m like an emotional idiot when I honestly thought I’d moved on years ago

[nolanola]

Well, one reason you might not be over her yet is that she's still very present in your life. You guys will never be completely out of each other's lives because of your child, but hanging out with her and definitely whatever kind of sexual stuff that was going on is not a good idea.

 

But apart from that, I think it just hurts when we see someone we still have feelings for with someone else, even if we know we can't be in a healthy relationship. I haven't seen one ex of mine in about 9 years and am definitely over him in the sense that I don't want him anymore. But, if I found out he was getting married or something, it would really sting I think. Mostly because I haven't found "my person" yet and it would likely make me more jealous that he had someone rather than that he wasn't with me. If that makes sense?

 

Regardless, you need to set some boundaries here and limit your contact with her.

[Inspire]

A lot of it could be that you haven't yet found someone yourself. You need to move on with your life and stop living in the past. Set some boundaries and don't get involved in what she is doing in her dating life. The less you know the better. Either be with her or let it go. She deserves to be happy too.