He said there is no spark

[caipirinha]

We are both 33 years old with my ex boyfriend of one week.

We met on a boat trip one month ago. That time we were just friends. He was after a girl for three months and she had dumped her bf. But they had not started dating since she was not sure. He was trying to get her but they were not a couple.

When we come back from the boat trip he texted me and wanted to see me. After a week we met and had dinner out. It was quite a friendly date. He told me he had problems with that girl. He said he wants to see me again. He wanted me to arrange a day for it and then i suggested a day. Then he said he is busy. He called me few days later and said wanna see me. After a few days we met again. I asked about that girl. He told me it is over and that he blocked her on everywhere. He told me after these kind of breakups he feel bad for a few weeks because of the feeling of failure after something he put so much effort. He told me it is not emotional. He told me he wants to try with me but he cant trust himself. I told him i want sth serious and that i dont want to see him until he recovers. We spent 8 hours that day. Then he kissed me. Several times. I tried to stop him but he said he will take a risk and will be honest.

The day after he asked me to join his best friends wedding with him in 10 days. I said ok. And then he started texting every time. Mornings and nights texts. He took me to his best friends home to meet them, they liked me and wanted to meet again in a few days. He was acting like my boyfriend, we were always hand in hand outside.. He made another plans with his another friends too. Then one day he called me and told me he does not feel anything emotional for me. He told me he does not miss me and does not have the eager to see me. He told me he likes me as a person and cares about me but he does not have that sparks. He kissed me because he wanted to see if he can like me. He wanted to see me with his friends to see the Connection. He told me you are so beautiful, chic, smart, attractive. He told me a Man should be proud of having a woman like me. I asked if he felt that thing for the other girl, he said yes.

I told him i dont want to see him again. He told me I will always be there for you as a friend. I told him I dont want that since He made me so sad. I told him this is not my way of testing people. I dont act like a girlfriend to be sure of my feelings. He told me he is different and he had many experiences like that that before. he Tested his feelings like that. He told me this wont Change even in 3 months time. He did not want to fool me. He said if we have sex it would be hard for him to breakup. He said he does not want to waste my time. I said I will not do that unless I feel secure.

I still dont believe him. It is like something happened that i dont know.

Like that girl came back or sth.

 

We work in the same company and I see him almost everyday. He sees me but ignores me.

What do you think?

[boytrouble]

He may be honest.

He might've suffered a heartbreak in the past.

He might've hurt women before out of rushing things without being clear with his true feelings and needs.

He might have other problems for which you don't know (job, relatives etc.)

He might just be a [censored].

 

Whatever the reason is I find non of his actions in correct alignment with his manhood.

 

Everyone can get a little too carried away at the beginning.

Usually I think that is normal but when the pattern doesn't change soon you should start looking for the 'warning signs' and "bell out" before it's too late.

 

In your case you ignored lots of the signs because you felt attracted to his unusual yet slithering actions.

 

1. He states he has attraction for this 'girl' who rejects him

2. He immediately approaches you playing the victim

3. You get sympathetic, lower your guard down and allow him to get validation by letting him kiss and court you and taking you to meet his friends on the wedding.

4. Soon after he plays the "I don't feel it" card right away and gets out clean

like he's doing the right thing protection your feelings.

 

Summary, for me at least he is either unaware of his juvenile tendencies and needs to seek a professional for that.

Or he's just another dude who doesn't deserve a spare minute of your time.

[d0nnivain]

Dating is a like an extended audition. He dated you for 1 month. In that time he concluded that you were not the one for him & he was still hung up on the other woman. So he ended it.

 

Sounds like there was no drama & he was polite. He's not dragging this into work & is trying to make that situation as drama free as possible by ignoring you. Take the hint & don't stir things up at work.

 

His heart still belongs to the other girl. He was never emotionally available to date you. He didn't take advantage of you.

 

It's not fun when things don't work out but that is life.

 

Be gracious & professional when you see him at work but steer clear.

[caipirinha]

Dating is a like an extended audition. He dated you for 1 month. In that time he concluded that you were not the one for him & he was still hung up on the other woman. So he ended it.

 

Sounds like there was no drama & he was polite. He's not dragging this into work & is trying to make that situation as drama free as possible by ignoring you. Take the hint & don't stir things up at work.

 

His heart still belongs to the other girl. He was never emotionally available to date you. He didn't take advantage of you.

 

It's not fun when things don't work out but that is life.

 

Be gracious & professional when you see him at work but steer clear.

 

I agree with most of what you mentioned.

He was trying to get that other girl for 3 months. However they could not be a couple since she was still connected to her ex. This made him go mad and finish everything. Then he blocked her anywhere. This was the story he told me. I asked him whether he feels anything for her in the beginning. If this was the case I would not Continue seeing him. He told me no, this was just a failure issue that he was feeling. He convinced me. However told me that he might be a Little aggressive whilst recovering. And that he made mistakes to other girls during these times before. I told him i dont want to see him until then but he convinced me. He said he wanna take that risk. Then introduced me to his best friends.

Well during the breakup phone call I asked him whether he felt that spark for the other girl and he said yes. He told me everybody knows her but i could not introduce her to my friends since her schedule was always busy. I dont know anything. I feel so heart broken

[Michelle ma Belle]

It seems like you walked into this with eyes wide open so I'm not sure why you're so surprised.

 

You were his rebound girl. He essentially told you that. Rebounds rarely work out because the one rebounding is still stuck on the one-who-got-away.

 

At the end of the day, this is how dating works. You meet. You date. You try each other on for size. Then you decide whether or not it feels right. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't. It sucks when one does and the other doesn't but that's life.

 

It's in your best interest to be gracious and professional as already suggested.

 

No need to be immature about things.

[stillafool]

He was telling you the truth and trying to let you down easy. I imagine the best way to determine romantic chemistry is by kissing so I don't blame him for trying. He decided that there was none and still desires the other girl. That is no reflection on you as he said and was probably sincere about your worth. He is just stuck on the other girl and was trying to get over her. I'm sorry you got hurt.

[spiderowl]

If a guy was trying to get with another girl and then blocked her on every front when she hurt him, he is still hung up on her. Avoid him like the plague!

 

He was just not emotionally in the right place to date anyone else, but felt lonely and needed validation. He dated you and has said anyone would be proud to date you.

 

He is now saying he does not feel the spark. It was almost to be expected as he is hung up on his ex. He says he does not want to lead you on. That is a signal for you to go no contact and never see the guy again. He would only waste your time.

 

At the moment, he is making the decisions. By going no contact, you are taking your power back and making a decision. If a guy talks about another girl he had feelings for when he meets you, it is a big red flag. Now you should deprive him of your time and attention, like she did ...