Author AutumnMoon Posted July 31, 2019 Author Share Posted July 31, 2019 op, as I'm sure you already know really well, a situation like this carries a lot of risk. What plans do you have in place to help mitigate that risk? Also, what plans have you made should your affair be discovered? Have you and mm made a plan? In the beginning we took stupid risks. Now things only happen when kids or spouses are not the the vicinity at all. Only denial or to say it was the first time really. It’s a scary thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Catching my husband in bed with my best friend was one of the most devastating events in my life. I was in my late 20's at the time. I have been single since. I have not had a best friend since. I have no trust in people.... just saying 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 I have no trust in people.... just saying Given that circumstance, learning to trust yourself is more important than trusting anyone else. This is really the thing that deception takes from us. Link to post Share on other sites
Rayce Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 (edited) I have no problem trusting myself... I have no illusions about how ugly the human race is. I am not sure what you are trying to imply here... my lack of trust caused my husband to cheat with my best friend... How cozy it was... the 4 of us hanging out as friends... our kids being best buds and all... it was so wonderful... oh... till you find out that your husband and your best friend are sneaking kisses and stealing moments right under your nose! Maybe even in the next room! Edited August 1, 2019 by Rayce Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 (edited) I have done my best to stay off your thread but I would like to discuss one observation with you. What have you really got, your in two part time relationships. What you have created for yourself is almost a prison, you can't go too far in ether direction without it all coming down around you. You live a life that is staged, it is all phony because the lies you created now control who you are. AutumnMoon can't be who she really is without destroying everyone she loves. There are so many innocent people in your life that will be grievously hurt, there is no explaining seven years of betrayal to children, a husband and immediate family as well as all your true friends. My suggestion to you is to pick a life and commit to it fully. Anything part time will end in failure. Your psyche can only take so much before it breaks. Relationships, children, homes, your job are hard enough, why create more stress in your life then you need to deal with? You may think the O/M is filling some void that is missing but if you look hard enough you may find the void that's missing is you. The real you doesn't exist anymore, your make believe reality has taken it over and the life you should be living is being suppressed by your lies. I do not envy your situation at all. I got myself out of infidelity and by doing so took back my life. That is why my name on this site is Aliveagain. I am not judging you or the lifestyle you have created for yourself(which after reading your post as an upstanding member of your community proves my decision to remain single is the right choice for me because you can't control what other people do, or who other people try to get you to believe they are). I truly am concerned for you, please get independent counselling so you can make a decision about your life. Edited August 1, 2019 by aliveagain 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Mycatsnuggles Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 Aliveagain very well written post. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 (edited) I have no illusions about how ugly the human race is. I don't believe the human race is ugly. There are truly bad people, and then people who are basically good by social-civic standards, but behave terribly and hurt us badly in close interpersonal relationships. There are also many truly good, whole-hearted people. You have a choice when being betrayed like that. If we withdraw and classify the whole of humanity as untrustworthy - then this is itself a lie, and a betrayal of our own self. No one accepts as real the premise that the world is an ugly place. It's more plausible that we've had an ugly experience. What we are really saying is that we no longer trust our own ability to distinguish the bad players from the whole-hearted. The world isn't all bad. We're just no longer willing to be vulnerable, to give enough of ourselves to others, to take the risk of getting close to someone, to become our self whole-hearted. I'm not going to let that be stolen from me. I won't shut the world out. I'm capable of so much more. I don't blame myself when someone steals my wallet. Likewise, I won't stop trusting there are good people in this world when someone(s) close to me proves themselves a vandal to the faith I placed in them. I still want to be that person who is vulnerable and yet, still strong enough to be all in. If we never knew pain - how would we discern real joy? Edited August 2, 2019 by Turning point 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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