My best friend who I have feelings for just left me.

[khackman88]

I need some relationship advice desperately. So, I met this girl named, Kristen, two months ago on POF, which is a free dating website. I made one for girls and one for guys because I was just looking for friends. I just got out of a six year relationship about 3 months ago with my ex boyfriend. I am shy and didn't know how else to make friends. Anyways, me and this girl started texting back and forth and she was really cool. Turns out we connect on a very deep and personal level. We both legit think we are soulmates. When we met it just felt like we already knew each other and everything felt right. We both agreed to just be friends first since I had some baggage from the previous relationship to let go of. I also have a lot of learning to do individually about independence and overall loving myself. My past sucks like a bitch and I have been hurt/abused over and over again so it makes that hard. Anywhos we got into things too quickly physically and honestly emotionally as well. At first this scared me because I knew I wasn't ready for it. She was perfectly understandable about it and we agreed to slow things down. We would just cuddle, hold hands, and kiss each other (not even on the lips), which she tells me she does with her friends anyways. She later freaked out because I had my phone wallpaper as her pic and the kissing confused her and made her feel like we were a couple. She doesn't make any sense to me because she says she kisses her friends... So, me being the nice person I am accepted that. She went on vacation and I gave her all the space she needed and more. I have accepted and adhered to everything she has told me to do. I would do anything for her. She on the other hand has developed a very deep friendship with one of my "best friends" (been best friends with her for like 9 years named Eggla). The way they talk is different from how me and her talk. It's a lot deeper and more meaningful. Apparently they compliment each other all the time and are pretty flirty with each other even openly around me. Kristen told me she is okay with being flirty with her friends, but she doesn't do it with me. She can do it with my other friend in the same room as me though! At one point Eggla stroked Kristen's hair and apparently laid her head on her lap or shoulder where Kristen put her hand on her waist behind my back. They both tell me that they look at cuddling and holding hands differently than I do. They see it as something you can casually do between friends. I see it as a sacred and very intimate thing to do with another person and I only feel comfortable doing it with someone I whole heartedly want to be in a relationship with. It's not like they made out or had sex, but that might be next. Or there might be something going on between the two of them that I am not aware of. They both tell me that they just see each other as friends, but Kristen has admitted to me that she is attracted to Eggla. She even was joking about Eggla giving her a lap dance at one point right in front of me. I know that me and Kristen are still just friends and I can't do anything about that if she wants to act on it, but I legit love her and we have been planning on getting together down the line the whole time. She tells me she loves me too, but I can't help but question it. I told her that I was getting jealous of her and Eggla. I will admit that I can be clingy and I have some separation anxiety. She said that it makes her run when people are like that to her which is why she stepped back and put so much distance between us. She said she can't be controlled so if she wants to do stuff with someone else then she will do it. If I don't learn to be independent then we can't be together. I am okay with the independence thing but the physical stuff with other people I am not. I don't tolerate someone who is gonna cheat on me ESPECIALLY a "soul mate". I don't know what to do. I know I need to step back and focus on myself, but I don't have a clue what to do about Kristen and Eggla. So, I ended up making a huge mistake. I got in a big fight with Eggla and she is known to try to turn people against me when we get in fights and play the victim. I assumed that she called Kristen to try to turn her against me. Apparently, Eggla didn't and I made a complete fool out of myself and said some mean and hurtful things about Eggla. She texted me back and said that she had been thinking a lot that day and that she loves and cares about me a lot. She said she knows whats up and isn't going to go into stories. She told me that in order for me to grow up she has to walk away. She told me she was sorry and that she knew she would always be there for me, but in order for me to grow I need to be alone. She wishes me the best and says she will always care about me and is also going to be praying for me. She asked me not to contact her and to take care of myself. I wanted to respect the no contact thing but I was desperate. I told her that I messed up and that I was sorry. I told her that I didn't realize that Eggla hadn't called her and that I was scared and just assumed. I was just going based on what I knew from the past. I told her I made a huge mistake and that I take all the fault in this. I told her that I didn't want to lose her and eggla. I love both of them very much. I told her they have every right to be mad and that I understood if they both needed space. But I told her that I don't want to lose them and that they are my best friends. She hasn't texted me back and removed me on social media. The day before she was promising me that she wasn't going anywhere and that she would help me with this every step of the way. She also made a promise that she would at least be friends with me if things didn't work out for a relationship no matter what. I don't understand how you can go from that to completely leaving me. What should I do? I want to be with her still and I still believe that we are soulmates. I am not going to find anyone else like her so I am willing to do anything to get her back. Do you guys think her message sounded temporary and that she is just trying to teach me a lesson by giving me a break or do you think she is never going to give me a second chance? I am going to give her space for probably about 3 to 5 months and reach out to her. Any advice is appreciated.

[The Outlaw]

I don't know the nature of your previous relationship, but you should have given yourself some time to heal if the breakup wasn't a good one. I understand feelings entirely, but two months of dating/friendship is too early to think of someone as a soulmate. It can lead to disaster. Building any relationship takes dedication and it takes time. I'm no professional by any means, but take a step back and breathe. Don't contact her. During that time, work on yourself and do whatever it is you feel you have to do to improve. I really don't think she'd be such a good bet for you given her behavior around her other friends but it's up to you. If it should work out, great. If not, move on. The world is a big place and there's always somebody we're more compatible with.

[preraph]

Are you a lesbian? I can't get much perspective on this so far. You went into it saying you just wanted to be friends, so sounds like that's all she is to you, but I agree her saying she kisses and flirts with everyone is confusing and, well, chaotic, unfair, and stupid.

 

She's not your soulmate . Maybe she was for six weeks or whatever, but she's not and you know it now. She's too weird and too fickle. Let her go. Get her out of your circle if you can.