AugustSnow Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 I've visited him on several occasions. The last time he has sent me home with a parking sticker waiting for it to be officially valid for me to use to park in the parking lot, which took months for his landlord to respond. Meanwhile, it was in my car the whole time, or so I thought. He called the landlord to make sure it was all set, before I start my 12 hr drive to see him, and they said it was. Here it is, a day before I am set to come visit him and my parking sticker is nowhere to be found. I let him know and he blew up at me, calling me irresponsible, and not only that but even went as far as saying to not even bother coming out to visit. Here I am looking for ways to possibly rectify the situation, but I am feeling like instead, I am being berated by him. Is there a way around this? Should I just cut ties with this person? Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 He over reacted. Park somewhere else & figure it out. It sounds like it was difficult to get the sticker & he is annoyed because he feels like you didn't guard the sticker preciously enough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 If this is how he reacts when a parking pass is lost, how will he react if you crash the car? You're so lucky that he told you to not come and visit - it means that you don't have to do a breakup talk. He's just done it. So the only thing you have to do now is block him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 How is the relationship in general between you two? Is it unusual for him to overreact? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 He made a big effort to get you the parking ticket and you lost it as you didn't take good enough care of it. He may see that as an indication of your enthusiasm for the relationship ie he cares, you don't, or he may be just be using it as an excuse to break up with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 22, 2019 Share Posted June 22, 2019 And I'm still looking for the gift cards which I put in a safe place. If someone thought that they meant nothing to me, I'd be questioning their sanity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AugustSnow Posted June 23, 2019 Author Share Posted June 23, 2019 (edited) How is the relationship in general between you two? Is it unusual for him to overreact? He tends to overreact over other things as well, in my opinion, but this to me is really is the final straw. Someone else in this post mentioned that he may have taken it that I didn't care about this relationship as much as he does, but I didn't think a parking permit defines a relationship for one, and for two, I kept it in the car the whole time, which I felt was the best place to keep it. Otherwise, it would have gotten lost. I felt no reason to have it anywhere else BUT my car. I was waiting for the landlord, who did not respond at all to verify that they have transferred the previous information they had on file (his ex's info). It would have made no sense for me to put a parking permit on my window without knowing the information was updated and my car getting towed anyway. zHe just lost his work badge and he wears it every single day. Does any sit there judging him, calling him irresponsible? NO! Because we are all human and life happens. I understand how important that parking permit is and I have expressed appreciation for it, but I have told him I am willing to see what solutions there are for this. As I've stated earlier, there have been instances where he has blown up at me over things I felt could have been solved instead of him going as far as berating me. I went ahead and came to visit because he sent for me to come and I felt that would have been morally wrong not to do so, but I think it would be my last time to make a visit. All 6 times during our year and 3 month long relationship, I've done all the driving and rationalized a lot of his flare ups in the process and quite frankly I am tired of taking the blame for every time he decides he wants to blow up at me, and insult me. Edited June 23, 2019 by AugustSnow Link to post Share on other sites
Author AugustSnow Posted June 23, 2019 Author Share Posted June 23, 2019 And I'm still looking for the gift cards which I put in a safe place. If someone thought that they meant nothing to me, I'd be questioning their sanity. My thoughts exactly. I feel I am not allowed to be human. I am condemned for being human. I didn't realize that how important he is to me or how important our relationship is to me is based on a parking permit when the only difference the parking permit makes is only a few feet away, which I can walk. IJS Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 All 6 times during our year and 3 month long relationship, I've done all the driving and rationalized a lot of his flare ups in the process and quite frankly I am tired of taking the blame for every time he decides he wants to blow up at me, and insult me. "There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who won`t even jump a puddle for you." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AugustSnow Posted June 23, 2019 Author Share Posted June 23, 2019 "There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who won`t even jump a puddle for you." I agree. I don't mind traveling, because I love doing it, but show some appreciation. Don't make me regret doing it because I will stop in a hot second, and this will likely be my last time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AugustSnow Posted June 23, 2019 Author Share Posted June 23, 2019 He over reacted. Park somewhere else & figure it out. It sounds like it was difficult to get the sticker & he is annoyed because he feels like you didn't guard the sticker preciously enough. It wasn't difficult to get the sticker. They mail those out yearly. It was a matter of getting my information transferred over and a waiting game for them (his landlord to respond) to verify that the information is updated. It was as guarded as it could be, by it being in my car. I'm not sure how much more I could have guarded it. I parked somewhere else, but like I said to someone else, this will likely be my last visit because this isn't the only time he has blown up at me over something that could have been resolved. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 All 6 times during our year and 3 month long relationship, I've done all the driving and rationalized a lot of his flare ups in the process and quite frankly I am tired of taking the blame for every time he decides he wants to blow up at me, and insult me. How did you two meet, if you don't me asking? Why have there only been 6 visits in a year and three months? I'm guessing because he won't take the time to come and see you? I wouldn't continue dating him, either. This is apparently not an isolated incident and you seem to have done the majority of the heavy-lifting in terms of keeping this relationship together. It's one-sided and he sounds like he's got a hot temper. Next. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted June 27, 2019 Share Posted June 27, 2019 Yes you are making a 12 hour journey to visit him. One would expect more gratitude from the boyfriend, while I understand his annoyance over the ticket, it is reasonable to expect he could be more tactful given the effort you are putting in to travel. does he make similar trips to your location or is it you that is travelling the most? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 28, 2019 Share Posted June 28, 2019 this will likely be my last visit because this isn't the only time he has blown up at me over something that could have been resolved. That's fine. If his overreaction to this was just the latest in a string of him being like this, you have every right to chose to not tolerate it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted June 29, 2019 Share Posted June 29, 2019 He tends to overreact over other things as well, in my opinion, but this to me is really is the final straw. Someone else in this post mentioned that he may have taken it that I didn't care about this relationship as much as he does, but I didn't think a parking permit defines a relationship for one, and for two, I kept it in the car the whole time, which I felt was the best place to keep it. Otherwise, it would have gotten lost. I felt no reason to have it anywhere else BUT my car. I was waiting for the landlord, who did not respond at all to verify that they have transferred the previous information they had on file (his ex's info). It would have made no sense for me to put a parking permit on my window without knowing the information was updated and my car getting towed anyway. zHe just lost his work badge and he wears it every single day. Does any sit there judging him, calling him irresponsible? NO! Because we are all human and life happens. I understand how important that parking permit is and I have expressed appreciation for it, but I have told him I am willing to see what solutions there are for this. As I've stated earlier, there have been instances where he has blown up at me over things I felt could have been solved instead of him going as far as berating me. I went ahead and came to visit because he sent for me to come and I felt that would have been morally wrong not to do so, but I think it would be my last time to make a visit. All 6 times during our year and 3 month long relationship, I've done all the driving and rationalized a lot of his flare ups in the process and quite frankly I am tired of taking the blame for every time he decides he wants to blow up at me, and insult me. l dunno about the parking thing , does sound like he had to go to a bit of trouble to do it, blowing up , l dunno. But your last few lines here are the real thing. l mean you've done all the visits, why is that ? , he's always blowing up at you , insults, ya know, non of that sounds good at all l'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AugustSnow Posted July 3, 2019 Author Share Posted July 3, 2019 Yes you are making a 12 hour journey to visit him. One would expect more gratitude from the boyfriend, while I understand his annoyance over the ticket, it is reasonable to expect he could be more tactful given the effort you are putting in to travel. does he make similar trips to your location or is it you that is travelling the most? I've done all the traveling to see him. Sorry for the late response. I am just getting back from visiting there. That will likely be my last time visiting him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 Yeah, not good. If he reacts this way to a lost parking permit, how will he deal with the bigger challenges in life? What does he usually say to you when you get in these blow ups? Does he call you names? Link to post Share on other sites
Author AugustSnow Posted July 5, 2019 Author Share Posted July 5, 2019 Yeah, not good. If he reacts this way to a lost parking permit, how will he deal with the bigger challenges in life? What does he usually say to you when you get in these blow ups? Does he call you names? As far as the parking permit situation, he called me irresponsible right off the bat. He doesn't necessarily call me out of my name, but he uses a lot of strong vulgar language during his blow-ups, or says he's done with me over the smallest of things. When he yells, he tells me to shut the F**k up. I came there to visit for 10 days. Not one time have we been intimate. When I brought it to his attention, he got upset, saying I am "ruining his day" or that he "hopes we don't talk about this all day". So I am convinced that there is nothing left of this relationship or lack thereof. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 5, 2019 Share Posted July 5, 2019 I would end it, OP. He is too hot-tempered and deals with his frustration too immaturely and disrespectfully, in my opinion. I do have to wonder if he also wants to end it, but wants you to pull the plug so he doesn't have to feel guilty about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Melissa_J Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 (edited) Agreed it sounds like he needs to control his anger before you move forward. You don’t want to see how else he expresses it further down the line. Edited July 11, 2019 by Melissa_J Link to post Share on other sites
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