Ex Gf contacted after 3 months

[ars52513]

Short backstory. Ill spare all the fine details unless its needed.

 

Gf broke up with me in Feb 4th 2019. There was some weird limbo contact for a week, then she cut me off completely. Blocked.

 

I tried to get her back for the rest of the month, no success. I left voicemails.

 

1 month post breakup she texted me "Got your voicemails and ill email you your music back on xyz day". I had requested it back in my voicemails, along with my trying to reconcile. I didnt respond. She emailed it. I responded via email. It went cold. All business.

 

Still heartbroken, but staying away, and strict NC.

 

On May 22, i am sitting there literally reading about BPD women, when my phone starts ringing, and its her. I was stunned. I really didnt think shed ever call.

 

Long story short, i did something i regret. So i picked up, and she was like "oh hey, you still have the same number" in a weak, sort of faked sounding voice. And she started to go on, when.....and i still cant believe i did this....but I just interjected and said "before you say anything, i really really dont wanna know if youre with someone else."

 

And she replied "I'm not..." in an emotional sounding tone, like she was suprised i even said that.

 

Then she explained the reason for her call. I had used her phone as a contact for awhile when we were living together (had no phone). And a doctor i had consulted with, apparantly had reached out for some 3 month follow up, to see if i was still interested in their services. Thats weird in and of itself, but i digress.

 

So she kind of explained that, and its such a blur but i didnt really respond, i think i was just in shock. And then she kinda went "ok...bye" and i hung up the phone.

 

 

As per usual, i am obsessed with her motives, and angry at myself for even giving away any sort of emotion. Even though i didnt beg her back, or call her, i still kinda showed i was affected by her. Havent heard anything since.

 

My friends and fam dont seem to think it was the worst thing in the world to have said. What do you all think of the situation?

[d0nnivain]

I think when she got a phone call from a doctor's office about you she called to give you that message because she didn't know if it was important. She is a responsible, kind person. She could have just called the doctor's office & given them the correct #. I do not see her call as any indication that she wants to reconcile. She will most likely block you again soon because you seem like a guy who may not take "no" for an answer.

[elaine567]

^^^ What d0nnivain said.

[ExpatInItaly]

I wouldn't read into this, OP.

 

She was letting you know you had received a call. That was it. For you to lead with "I don't want to know if you're with someone else" was strange and premature, but I doubt it really matters.

 

It's been over a while. Let it stay that way.

[schlumpy]

She will most likely block you again soon because you seem like a guy who may not take "no" for an answer.

 

He panicked and tried to keep her from hurting him by casually mentioning a new love. Why he thought this would happen is only known to him. That she didn't respond to his query by saying, "That's really none of the your business" or something similar is what he is hanging his hopes on.

 

I actually think he's doing pretty well with the no contact except for this minor relapse. He needs to block her on his phone.

 

Her motives could be as you have described. No reason to think otherwise.

[ars52513]

Short backstory. Ill spare all the fine details unless its needed.

 

Gf broke up with me in Feb 4th 2019. There was some weird limbo contact for a week, then she cut me off completely. Blocked.

 

I tried to get her back for the rest of the month, no success. I left voicemails.

 

1 month post breakup she texted me "Got your voicemails and ill email you your music back on xyz day". I had requested it back in my voicemails, along with my trying to reconcile. I didnt respond. She emailed it. I responded via email. It went cold. All business.

 

Still heartbroken, but staying away, and strict NC.

 

On May 22, i am sitting there literally reading about BPD women, when my phone starts ringing, and its her. I was stunned. I really didnt think shed ever call.

 

Long story short, i did something i regret. So i picked up, and she was like "oh hey, you still have the same number" in a weak, sort of faked sounding voice. And she started to go on, when.....and i still cant believe i did this....but I just interjected and said "before you say anything, i really really dont wanna know if youre with someone else."

 

And she replied "I'm not..." in an emotional sounding tone, like she was suprised i even said that.

 

Then she explained the reason for her call. I had used her phone as a contact for awhile when we were living together (had no phone). And a doctor i had consulted with, apparantly had reached out for some 3 month follow up, to see if i was still interested in their services. Thats weird in and of itself, but i digress.

 

So she kind of explained that, and its such a blur but i didnt really respond, i think i was just in shock. And then she kinda went "ok...bye" and i hung up the phone.

 

 

As per usual, i am obsessed with her motives, and angry at myself for even giving away any sort of emotion. Even though i didnt beg her back, or call her, i still kinda showed i was affected by her. Havent heard anything since.

 

My friends and fam dont seem to think it was the worst thing in the world to have said. What do you all think of the situation?

 

I think when she got a phone call from a doctor's office about you she called to give you that message because she didn't know if it was important. She is a responsible, kind person. She could have just called the doctor's office & given them the correct #. I do not see her call as any indication that she wants to reconcile. She will most likely block you again soon because you seem like a guy who may not take "no" for an answer.

 

 

surprised people feel its this cut and dry. perhaps my denial. She's not nice at all, she owes me a ton of money, and she can be quite a messed up person. Also very loving too. I wouldn't say she's a nice responsible girl.

 

No reason to block me i haven't reached out to her in months.

 

SUprised that everyone thinks its so cut and dry, everyone else i talked said shes for sure testing the waters. Whatever.

[ars52513]

I wouldn't read into this, OP.

 

She was letting you know you had received a call. That was it. For you to lead with "I don't want to know if you're with someone else" was strange and premature, but I doubt it really matters.

 

It's been over a while. Let it stay that way.

 

yeah well it had been months, and she's CALLING me. I couldn't fathom any reason why she would actually call me. The doctor thing was strange, in that they were doing some unprompted follow up. I had simply called them months ago to ask about the options for a surgery. SO they obviously do some scheduled follow up to lure patients. It wasnt a doctor i actually saw, i just called them up one time to discuss their fees etc.

 

So i could only assume it was for something more personal. There just wasnt any good reason in my mind for a call. Also, i had recently deleted all my social media, and i know she stalks me there. Then i get a phonecall....after not answering her text a few months ago.

 

Idk to me it seemed like an excuse to see if i was still around. She could have just texted me that, or blown it off, or just given them the last known number.

 

i found the whole thing odd, but ok.

Edited June 22, 2019 by ars52513

[ExpatInItaly]

surprised people feel its this cut and dry. perhaps my denial. She's not nice at all, she owes me a ton of money, and she can be quite a messed up person. Also very loving too. I wouldn't say she's a nice responsible girl.

 

No reason to block me i haven't reached out to her in months.

 

SUprised that everyone thinks its so cut and dry, everyone else i talked said shes for sure testing the waters. Whatever.

 

OP, we can only form opinions based on what you posted. You provided almost no context for your relationship with her in your opening post. Without all the above detail, how are we supposed to concur that she is testing the waters? You left out key information that could have supported your theory, so you can't in turn be surprised that folks here don't see the situation the same way you do.

 

In any case, it seems you only came here seeking opinions that align with your own and back up your hope that she might want you back. With that said, I am not sure what advice you are really seeking. You're constructing a confirmation bias, which may have some truth to it, but we can't be expected to build on it with the limited information you initially gave. The defensive tone in your subsequent posts suggests you don't like what you're hearing here, but that's on you.

[ars52513]

OP, we can only form opinions based on what you posted. You provided almost no context for your relationship with her in your opening post. Without all the above detail, how are we supposed to concur that she is testing the waters? You left out key information that could have supported your theory, so you can't in turn be surprised that folks here don't see the situation the same way you do.

 

In any case, it seems you only came here seeking opinions that align with your own and back up your hope that she might want you back. With that said, I am not sure what advice you are really seeking. You're constructing a confirmation bias, which may have some truth to it, but we can't be expected to build on it with the limited information you initially gave. The defensive tone in your subsequent posts suggests you don't like what you're hearing here, but that's on you.

 

This is all true. I appreciate it. Im not hostile, its just a hard situation man. I have been trying so hard to let go, and it so difficult. 2 year relationship, she told me i was her first love, never loved anyone before me, etc etc. Wanted kids, house, the whole 9.

 

I wasnt sure how much detail to put in because I didnt want to overwhelm the reader on first post. And youre completely right, of course some part of me wants to confirm that she wants me back. It really is kind of dumb that i even posted it, but my friends and fam are quite tired of me talking about it so i buckled and posted something here last night.

 

Idk, the whole process is such a drag. Not over it, cant believe she could be. It just sorta depressed me to think that what the people above said is true, which is quite possible. Not sure what im looking for, theres nothing thats gonna change, because it would be foolish for me to reach out. So im just still doing nothing, and going nc. She also gave me the whole "work on ourselves...and maybe when youve changed we can try again" sort of talk when it ended. But she contradicted that by posting some stuff on fb that implied she was happy to finally be rid of me...shortly after. Tagged her friends in it. Quite immature and cruel. So shes all over the place. She blocked and unblocked me on social media, and obviously on her phone to text me, and to call me. I know i know, she sounds terrible. She is. But i do love her. Cant seem to help that.

 

I wanna meet someone else and break the spell, but i wanted my relationship with her to work. Obviously. It was amazing in many ways, but horrible in others. Hard to deal with.

Edited June 22, 2019 by ars52513

[ars52513]

OP, we can only form opinions based on what you posted. You provided almost no context for your relationship with her in your opening post. Without all the above detail, how are we supposed to concur that she is testing the waters? You left out key information that could have supported your theory, so you can't in turn be surprised that folks here don't see the situation the same way you do.

 

In any case, it seems you only came here seeking opinions that align with your own and back up your hope that she might want you back. With that said, I am not sure what advice you are really seeking. You're constructing a confirmation bias, which may have some truth to it, but we can't be expected to build on it with the limited information you initially gave. The defensive tone in your subsequent posts suggests you don't like what you're hearing here, but that's on you.

 

 

Like, what i touched on, when it ended..she posted some meme on facebook..basically implying that she should have listened to her friends about breaking up with me. It was a meme of some girl, with a shamed look on her face, and the caption "me when i realize my friends were right" or something to that effect. And her own personal caption was "me for the past 2 years", and she tagged all her terrible friends. Like i was stunned she would do that publicly, honestly stunned. And of course i would see it.

 

So i get a call three months later, because she's so altruistic and kind and wants to do a good thing by me? Idk, maybe im only making a case for how psycho she is. The more i type the more i cringe.

 

A few weeks before that, when we broke up she was saying how much she loved me, and how sorry she is that our love wasnt enough. And that maybe we could try again if i get myself together. Handling it in a fairly mature way. Then she goes and blasts me like that on social media.

 

So that was the point i completely quit contacting. So you can imagine my shock when she calls me. And i blurted that out because idk wtf she's calling about...i just don't wanna know her situation. Stupid i guess. That was my main reason for posting...i just feel stupid for saying that. And was trying to get some unbiased opinion on whether i fed her ego, or if that was fairly neutral. Most people i talk to say it was pretty neutral, but maybe they're just sparing my feelings. Thats why i posted, along with wondering what people thought, overall.

Edited June 22, 2019 by ars52513

[d0nnivain]

If she owes you money, then she is really going to disappear. I hope you have that IOU in writing because if you don't any court will deem it a gift between lovers.

[schlumpy]

So that was the point i completely quit contacting. So you can imagine my shock when she calls me.

 

I don't want to minimize what you are going through but please understand this has happened to practically everyone on the planet to include all of the millions of unrequited love affairs of the past.

 

Long ago (Please don't ask how long) I was dumped by my fiancée. I was deeply in love with her but she was right. I was in the service stationed in Germany and the distance just wouldn't work. It was torture but I went no contact.

 

Three months later I went home on emergency leave and got a call from her. She wanted to meet up and talk with me. So we met up. We talked and even shared a kiss. I asked her what this was all about and she said she was thinking of me and wanted see if she had made a mistake. Since we never met again I guess the verdict was that she hadn't.

 

I think that this may be what happened to you. She was thinking about the good times and it led her to call. It's how we let the other person go. It's the desperate thought of the betrayed spouse, "Maybe if I just give them one more chance." It's wanting to hear a voice one last time.

 

Keep up your no contact. The knife will stop twisting in your guts after a few months.

 

Best Wishes

[schlumpy]

I wanna meet someone else and break the spell, but i wanted my relationship with her to work. Obviously. It was amazing in many ways, but horrible in others. Hard to deal with.

 

And by the way, I did meet someone else and broke the spell. I met her in Germany and she's been my wife for the last 44 years.

 

So, it can happen.

[ars52513]

If she owes you money, then she is really going to disappear. I hope you have that IOU in writing because if you don't any court will deem it a gift between lovers.

 

Not even gonna bother. its a heinous story

[ars52513]

I don't want to minimize what you are going through but please understand this has happened to practically everyone on the planet to include all of the millions of unrequited love affairs of the past.

 

Long ago (Please don't ask how long) I was dumped by my fiancée. I was deeply in love with her but she was right. I was in the service stationed in Germany and the distance just wouldn't work. It was torture but I went no contact.

 

Three months later I went home on emergency leave and got a call from her. She wanted to meet up and talk with me. So we met up. We talked and even shared a kiss. I asked her what this was all about and she said she was thinking of me and wanted see if she had made a mistake. Since we never met again I guess the verdict was that she hadn't.

 

I think that this may be what happened to you. She was thinking about the good times and it led her to call. It's how we let the other person go. It's the desperate thought of the betrayed spouse, "Maybe if I just give them one more chance." It's wanting to hear a voice one last time.

 

Keep up your no contact. The knife will stop twisting in your guts after a few months.

 

Best Wishes

 

Thanks. Hard to stop thinking about reconciling with her. But no one seems to think theres much hope. I guess if she was going to do it, she would by now. I guess i gave myself false hope reading other threads of exes coming back, realizing they made a mistake. This one is just particularly hard to let go of. Ive been through 3 breakups, but this one really rocked me...i just really thought by what she told me and how we'd been that we could get through anything. But i guess i was in major denial of the reality, which is that it wasn't working. The chemistry is really complicated with her, though probably a common story. So much love there....its hard to understand how we couldnt make it work. Plus she had to move away to florida with her parents (im in California). We were living together at a place we got as a result of her getting a property managers job. We were fighting like crazy and she just stopped doing her job. And she got fired. So her parents were in the process of buying a house, and they just flew her home. I stayed behind. She waffled back and forth about letting me come live there too, on the table, off the table. Things were going ok. Then we got into a little argument through text, and thats when she just ended it.

 

She gave me alot of mixed messages and some hope at the end though. I pleaded with her for those first few weeks and she just went back and forth, but eventually blocked me right before valentines day. That was the last real contac before this call, and her previous text.

Edited June 22, 2019 by ars52513

[The Outlaw]

She probably didn't expect you to pick up and answer, but don't fall back into it. It's been a month. Continue with NC. In the even she should call you back, ignore it. It's the best way to get over things. Trust me, I know. I had a girl I dated briefly but unfortunately fell for a few years back call me three times in two minutes with a text after I hadn't seen her in four months. I reluctantly answered and she acted like she didn't even know who I was. I'd had a more interesting conversation with a wall, but I hung up on her. Gameplay. And I'm not jumping to conclusions with your ex, but she's best left avoided. Random calls after any length of time can get just about anyone's hope up. Don't let it.