PashkaAnastinakis Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 Hello all, soon I am quitting my job. Generalny, I am very happy about it (my work turned out to be very frustrating since the beginning of this year), but, on the other hand, I am upset, because.. I think I have an emotional affair with one of my coworker. I am 27, he is ca. 10 years older than me, married, 3 kids. We get on well, we share our ups and downs, I think we are emotionally bonded. The best proof: this man told me three or four times that he wished I would be his wife.. This guy asked me out a few times and, what is important as well, asked me directly for sex.. There is a massive sexual attraction between me and this man. We share small touches, intense gazes, innuendos, everything you can pick up from this scheme. The whole thing is so strong that many people (another coworkers) make jokes about us and laugh at us as we are seen quarelling like good old mariage etc. The tension is very easy to detected.. I am not blind, I know that this occasion of quitting my current job will help me in leaving this unhealthy relationship, find a boyfriend, simply live my life instead of wasting my time with a married guy, but I am not convinced I am ready to do this.. I know I sound weak and so I feel weak.. I just don't know how to speed up and bear this whole healing proces. Please, any ideas/ comments? I am very confused. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 Remember that above all, this guy is a generally a craptacular person. A man worth your time wouldn't disrespect his own wife and family like this. He's one of the lowest-quality you could find. He is playing you, which I am sure you know on some level, and he knows exactly what to say to hook you. You are more than likely not the first woman he's done this with, and you may not be the only one currently, either. All the sweet nothings he says to you? It's just words designed to get you in bed. I am gathering that you're flattered by the attention, but trust me, it means little when it's coming from such a toxic source. If you want to speed up the healing process, stop participating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 (edited) Yeah, you talk about it like it’s a wonderful thing - that his guy has told you he wants to have sex with you and wants you to be his wife. It’s not - it’s creepy as hell. He has asked you out, don’t fool yourself - you can’t “date” a man with a wife. I also gather that you are quite flattered and I’m not sure why - what he has done is very disrespectful - to you and his wife. He doesn’t want to date you, and he’s not about to leave his wife and three children. He wants to get into your pants, that’s all. He just another sleazy man who wants some sex at work from a young woman - he has chosen you because you are vulnerable to his advances and he has been grooming you for an affair. Ask yourself, you do really believe you have the right to have a relationship with another woman’s husband? Never forget, pursue this relationship and you will be hurting another woman and her children. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Do you really want to be THAT woman? Do you want to be the laughing stock of the the office? It may seem like harmless fun now, but you will learn you are DEAD wrong if you pursue this relationship. Run for the hills to get away from this guy. Run fast and run far... Edited June 23, 2019 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 I see you are a new member here. Spend some time reading the many stories here in the The Other Man/Woman section. Giving in to your weakness will make things so very much worse. Try to learn from reading the many threads here instead of learning the hard way on your own and wasting years of your life. The lesson from this forum about that to keep at the top of your mind is that your situation is not unique - you're not going to be the exception to the well proven rule of how it will go. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 You need to draw better boundaries. Tell him this is unacceptable & you need to put distance between you. Stop fueling the smoldering fire. I do agree that you getting a new job away from this guy is a good plan but that only works if you don't have others ways of staying in touch. You can't be texting him or meeting him. Plus you need to have another job lined up before you leave this one. Impoverishing yourself is not the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/677083-mm-thinks-affair-causing-bad-karma-him May I suggest that you start reading here. It’s the story of a really heartbreaking workplace affair... Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 I once told a married guy to come back single - and he did! You have beautiful memories, okay just now tell him to come back single. And no sex yet, not til he is single. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted June 23, 2019 Share Posted June 23, 2019 Certainly doesn't sound like he has any kind of love or respect for you. He's pretty clear that he wants sex and he'll flatter you if that helps him get it. Stay strong! Get away from his influence and find someone who is willing to be devoted to you, rather than just try to lure you into his bed. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 24, 2019 Share Posted June 24, 2019 Probably the best and wisest thing to do will be to quit and then go no contact with him. Especially if you have another job lined up. Hopefully soon after you will be able to be attached and connected to an available man instead of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PashkaAnastinakis Posted June 24, 2019 Author Share Posted June 24, 2019 Remember that above all, this guy is a generally a craptacular person. A man worth your time wouldn't disrespect his own wife and family like this. He's one of the lowest-quality you could find. He is playing you, which I am sure you know on some level, and he knows exactly what to say to hook you. You are more than likely not the first woman he's done this with, and you may not be the only one currently, either. All the sweet nothings he says to you? It's just words designed to get you in bed. I am gathering that you're flattered by the attention, but trust me, it means little when it's coming from such a toxic source. If you want to speed up the healing process, stop participating. Yes, you are totally right.. Now I feel exhausted most of the time, but I am so involved I have difficulties in changing my overall position and behaviour - even though I know pretty well I should act strongly. I am aware of his plays with my feelings. And this is the worst part for me, I think. Being manipulated and feeling flattered at the same time! I know I may look as an easy target - you know, something like ready-to-eat dish - but recently I have found myself thinking more about this guy's family, its past and future. That, in some crazy way, gives me some strength to finally start to resist.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PashkaAnastinakis Posted June 24, 2019 Author Share Posted June 24, 2019 Yeah, you talk about it like it’s a wonderful thing - that his guy has told you he wants to have sex with you and wants you to be his wife. It’s not - it’s creepy as hell. He has asked you out, don’t fool yourself - you can’t “date” a man with a wife. I also gather that you are quite flattered and I’m not sure why - what he has done is very disrespectful - to you and his wife. He doesn’t want to date you, and he’s not about to leave his wife and three children. He wants to get into your pants, that’s all. He just another sleazy man who wants some sex at work from a young woman - he has chosen you because you are vulnerable to his advances and he has been grooming you for an affair. Ask yourself, you do really believe you have the right to have a relationship with another woman’s husband? Never forget, pursue this relationship and you will be hurting another woman and her children. How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Do you really want to be THAT woman? Do you want to be the laughing stock of the the office? It may seem like harmless fun now, but you will learn you are DEAD wrong if you pursue this relationship. Run for the hills to get away from this guy. Run fast and run far... Thank you, this is the point of view I needed. Mostly, I perceived this guy - and not me - to be a vow-breaker. But then, after things settled down a bit and after all the nice feelings of being desired calmed down, so after the first shock, I slowly started to realise that I am the one who may be a homewrecker. Apart from this man. Because I am, you know, a reason and the aim of his plays. I perceived it as an innocent fun first, but now I think that even though I like this guy very much I need to stop. I have to be smarter than he is. It is not easy, but yes, the only way out is to completely cut this toxic relationship off. What is need yet to be said is: this guy has some serious addiction problems. He is an alcohol addict. I feel really sorry for him and so I had a vision of being protective etc. But how can I prevent him from destroying himself? He is like totally deaf when it comes to this topic. Deaf and blind. I hear his wife is about to kick him out of their home, because he seemed to lost control. I need to leave to not burn myself in the fire of compliance and compassion. I know I could be able to sacrifice myself for him even if it is painful and dark.. I do not how to call this; am I crazy as ****? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PashkaAnastinakis Posted June 24, 2019 Author Share Posted June 24, 2019 I do agree that you getting a new job away from this guy is a good plan but that only works if you don't have others ways of staying in touch. You can't be texting him or meeting him. THIS. I catched myself thinking about how I would communicate with this guy after I quit my current job.. I thought about calls and text messages.. But it will be like raking over the same wound again and again.. Definitely not worthing the whole effort of healing and getto g back to emotional balance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PashkaAnastinakis Posted June 24, 2019 Author Share Posted June 24, 2019 I once told a married guy to come back single - and he did! You have beautiful memories, okay just now tell him to come back single. And no sex yet, not til he is single. I was really, really tempted, but - happily! - aby time when it came to action, I just turned him down. I was thinking many times how the things would look like if he was single.. But he isn't and so the desires are still not fullfilled. Luckily, because I have not got the smallest idea how I would handle the possible, mostly moral, consequences. A few days ago we almost kissed each other (he was the provocateur) and even though nothing happened, I felt the whole day like covered in dirt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PashkaAnastinakis Posted June 24, 2019 Author Share Posted June 24, 2019 Certainly doesn't sound like he has any kind of love or respect for you. He's pretty clear that he wants sex and he'll flatter you if that helps him get it. Stay strong! Get away from his influence and find someone who is willing to be devoted to you, rather than just try to lure you into his bed. Please keep your fingers crossed for me! Link to post Share on other sites
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