She dumped me without explanation

[Divingintothat]

Hey folks.Jut trying to get better insight in whats going on.

 

 

Met a girl at party .She told me right away she has a boyfriend.We talked and she flirted with me and i took her number. I was thinking we can just hook up one day.We started texting and she told me couple days later "lets not complicated things.I said ok.

 

Later she started growing over me and telling me how much she likes me and going crazy for me. We dated 5-6 times but never had sex. The reason is she seemed like limited in time and I was not sure she wanted it. I was kinda getting mixed signals.I also didnt want to scare her away i really liked her.

 

 

On first date she said don't bring flowers if you wanted to. Than she told me she never keeps text messages because doesn't want to look back and analyze. Now i am thinking it was all done to hide stuff from her boyfriend.We talked and saw each other for couple month. She told me few times that she loves me and tried to plan life together.

 

 

Week before actually me coming back to town we tried to plan to spend finally time together and leave the town for trip she started drifting away, getting cold. She suddenly had to pick up extra shifts and etc.Very last day before we were supposed to meet we agreed to meet next day for couple hours. So when i came to her town she did not answered ,I texted and she just texted that she doesn't see the point to keep seeing each other because i am often out of town and going to my country for a month. She said i am in the bad mood. But i felt that she spent night with someone else. On first day i remember she said she was with bf for 3 years but never loved him. Now i am thinking it was a lie. I asked to meet and talk but never got any answers besides " i have nothing else to tell you. Like how is that possible for her to tell me i love you the day before and next day treat me like piece of ****.

 

I was trying to analyze if she is back to her ex because she was in bad phase with him or someone new? If its someone new than how could she trade me the guy she new for 2 month and told me I love you for a new guy ? At least she could give us a shot to spend time together and get sexual. Thats why i am thinking it must be her ex.

 

Just needed some outside opinions

Edited June 24, 2019 by Divingintothat

[d0nnivain]

She gave you an explanation, She said you spend too much time out of town. Even if that explanation was a lie & she's back with her BF, what have you really lost? You only saw this girl 5-6 times & you were always suspicious that you were the OM.

 

Be done with her & move along to a woman who is free to date you & who is happy when you are in town.

[Divingintothat]

We talked everyday for 2 month also over the phone. We got close to each other that way, sharing life and everyday. Yes did not date in person a lot but we had a connection that me and her we called "special". What i lost is i really loved her and she did too until last week before me coming back to town. She is 24 and I am 40 yo btw.

She knew that at the beginning and she kept growing herself over me so I let it happen.

 

Its hard to get over her really I loved her truly.

Last day she sent me her last message " Do you see what piece of **** I am I only hurt people"

I don't think she sent it because she felt bad but because she did not cared anymore if it hurts me or not.

 

 

I was NC for little more than a month even deleted her from Instagram and she deleted me too few days later.I never texted her and she never cared to text also.

My question is will she come back since i was always a gentlemen to her and even at the end never cursed her? Not like we will be together but I kind of wanna see her still . I put little fight for relationships without begging for days . but she did not cared.I guess you only fight for people who want it .

Edited June 24, 2019 by Divingintothat

[ExpatInItaly]

How do you truly love someone you hardly know, OP? You're getting way ahead of yourself, as was she. You can't know someone all that well when you've spent such limited time together in person. Talking is no substitute for quality time together in real life.

 

Your mistake was taking this girl seriously when she said she loved you and wanted to plan a life with you. Those were fluffy words with no solid foundation between you two.

 

And the biggest red flag? She told you right away that she has a boyfriend, and I don't see where she ever told you they'd broken up. She's been cheating on him the whole time, as I understand it. Of course she didn't want you to bring flowers to your first date - she wouldn't be able to explain to her boyfriend where she got them. Same goes for deleting messages from you; she doesn't want to get caught by her real boyfriend. You are referring to him as her ex but I don't think they ever broke up to begin with, unless you have left something out of your account here.

 

I get that it probably felt good to have a hot young thing interested in you, but man, you two are in completely different phases of your life. She has a lot of maturing to do, based on what you have written here. Don't entertain the idea of a future with her. It will be years before she's actually ready for such a thing and it will probably be with someone closer to her own age, if I'm being honest.

[Divingintothat]

yes she never said it was ex boyfriend besides saying she never loved him. I didn't try to push on her and just let things going until it was actually at the point when we liked or "loved each other",again if her love was honest one after all. I was walking on eggshells the whole time yes but i never forced anything .I did make a mistake taking this girl seriously but again she is the one who created this love bubble not me. I lost control of my emotions. Dont take me wrong I am good looking and can find woman for NSA but the feeling of love i missed long time ago.I wanted to feel it that's why i let it happen .

[Silver_star]

So you fell in "love" with a girl that cheated on her bf for months?

You weren't in love you were infatuated and there is a difference. Love is trust, respect, loyalty to name a few, and she is showing none of those characteristics. She gave your ego attention in a way that made you feel like you were "connecting" and that felt good.

 

If she would do that to him, she would do that you in a heartbeat. In fact you are likely not the only other guy. This girl is not emotionally mature or available to be in a relationship.

 

She was definitely being shady the entire time in her relationship with the other guy, and lying to you to pursue a courtship of convenience for her. Of course someone who is seeing more than one person is "limited in time" and not sure what she wants. This is not an "honest love" as you said. It was cheap talk. This was you wanting to WIN her, and her wanting the attention to fill a void in her current life. Hurting people in the process like her boyfriend who even if she doesnt love him, he surely doesnt deserve this.

[d0nnivain]

You were flattered by the attentions of a much younger woman so you desperately wanted what she was saying to be true. Alas she was merely playing, enjoying the attention from the wiser older man, father figure. It was not as real for her as it was for you. Plus she didn't like the fact that you were away more then she was comfortable with

[Divingintothat]

You right about "true love" statement and infatuated. I got me EGO boosted, she got what she was missing in her relationships because seemed like he did not tell her nice words long time. Anytime i said nice words she got flattered. I can also understand why she didn't hear them long time because her BF don't trust her or never trusted her.

I feel bad for him more if they together because she will pull same **** again on him later when she see something better.

 

 

I felt that she just wanted to cheat on him but she never would say like let me come over and i want you today or something .I dont know may be she had sex with BF but saw me to fill out emotional void.

At end she took herself away and of course my EGO hurts no matter what. I will never of course trust her but I wouldnt mind to see her once to hear her side of the stoy one day

[ExpatInItaly]

I felt that she just wanted to cheat on him but she never would say like let me come over and i want you today or something .I dont know may be she had sex with BF but saw me to fill out emotional void.

 

This is almost certainly what happened. She might be the type that just loves a lot of attention and will seek it out from others when her boyfriend can't meet her demands.

 

You also cannot assume that what she has told you about him or their relationship is the truth. Maybe he's a total jerk to her, or he might be a great guy who has no clue what his girlfriend gets up to behind his back. This is why hearing "her side of the story" is pointless too. You are very unlikely to get the truth.

 

Stay away from girls with boyfriends. Every time.

[Divingintothat]

This is almost certainly what happened. She might be the type that just loves a lot of attention and will seek it out from others when her boyfriend can't meet her demands.

 

You also cannot assume that what she has told you about him or their relationship is the truth. Maybe he's a total jerk to her, or he might be a great guy who has no clue what his girlfriend gets up to behind his back. This is why hearing "her side of the story" is pointless too. You are very unlikely to get the truth.

 

Stay away from girls with boyfriends. Every time.

Even if i asked her at the beginning whats going on with your BF you together or not ,she would come up with the lie to feed me to string me along as long as her emotional desires satisfied. She is fast with cover up lines which makes me think she has done it before or doing same lines with someone else .Its like she didn't think long to reply.

Again she could feed me anything and make it sounds like true. Sometimes you have to believe or you gonna look like desperate in her eyes being paranoid. and see how it goes. I held my side of confidence.

[ExpatInItaly]

Even if i asked her at the beginning whats going on with your BF you together or not ,she would come up with the lie to feed me to string me along

 

What did she tell you?

[Divingintothat]

I tried to say even if i would ask her "are you together or not with your BF ? " I am sure she would come up with something I want to hear to keep me close by. Something like not anymore, I like you.

 

But first date we had she said " I want us to work". I was like "ok" this girl knows what she wants. Also told me " I am shallow person" . Who in the world saying bad things about themselves ? Or one day she told " I am pretty crazy once you know me "

 

Here is what I cant understand. She tells me I want us to work, I love you, You are awesome man,I am crazy about you.

 

 

 

On the other side she is honest first night to tell me she has a BF, putting herself down by calling herself "shallow,selfish,indecisive and immature ,even I don't deserve you man" .

I can only agree may be she said all that because she is immature but here the thing.

 

I think its not her immaturity that makes say that ,I think she is playing much pragmatic games at the beginning with the guys so in the future if she dumps someone the guy is gonna say """ oh yeah ,she told me she is shallow and immature".

Edited June 24, 2019 by Divingintothat

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm confused about this: "I tried to say even if i would ask her "are you together or not with your BF ? " I am sure she would come up with something I want to hear to keep me close by. Something like not anymore, I like you."

Did she actually tell you she wasn't with her boyfriend anymore?

 

And surely, at 40 years old,you know you can't take a virtual stranger seriously when she says things like this when you're not even dating her officially: "She tells me I want us to work, I love you, You are awesome man,I am crazy about you"

 

You have to think logically here and not let yourself get carried away by lust. Leave that to the teens and young adults. Also, people say bad things about themselves when they're warning you they're not going to be good for you. She knows herself better than you do; she knew she wasn't going to stick around.

 

At the risk of sounding insensitive, have you not had much actual relationship experience? I don't mean to be unkind, but I am surprised that you didn't see the warning signs and let yourself get caught up in a fantasy like this. I'm nearly your age and can see the red flags waving all over the place on this one.

[Divingintothat]

I did have relationships before but this one is first time of such kind. Red flags, bad words about themselves. My relationships were different in the way it started ,were going and ended. I also got myself aware of lust I had with exes ,this one is just little different ,unusual and weird at the same time.I saw warning signs I did, the thing is I was often out of town and when those signs already started bothering me enough i was going back to town for conversation.Next day you know what happened.

 

She felt that conversation is coming and she wont have honest answers and pull herself out.Also i offered to spend time with me this time more than 2 hours (overnight) and she backed off knowing she wont be able to explain her absence to her BF .So I tried to clarify things with her but it did not happened.

[Divingintothat]

Did she actually tell you she wasn't with her boyfriend anymore?- No she did not , but by the time we were together she was so into me that she could just say "yes we done" just to keep me around.

Yes my mistake i got carried away. I cannot redo it. I will blame myself for getting too fast and too serious.

On the other side she was giving those warning but than making me feel that she just said out of emotions and didn't not mean it. I believed. She kept saying I love you.