veronese Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 When you separate/divorce it must be so unfamiliar and scary yet must also have some positives too. Over the years my friends have expressed their opinions on the subject. Pros: Every other weekend and Wednesday night to yourself Access to the tv remote control No farting or snoring in your bed Freedom to plan things your way End of placating/humouring grumpy partner etc. etc. Cons: Affects on children/coping with the repercussions No hugs/cuddles/sex No-one to take the garbage out/mend a fuse/tackle a burgular (I jest) No one to share the joys/sorrows of your children Lonlieness/boredom/sadness/celibacy Anyway, if you have been through it and could share your personal experiences I'd love to hear them. I'm sure the reality brings with it a multitude of unexpected moments and emotions. I'd especially like to hear about some of the less obvious bonuses and drawbacks. I'd better do my research before I take the plunge! Veronese x Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 Well, I haven't technically been married, but I have been in long/term live-together type of relationships and when they end it is HARD. The Cons for me were * Sleeping alone. Really HARD when you're not used to it. * No more shopping together. Odd as it sounded, a serious boyfriend I had loved going food shopping with me. We'd make a big event out of it. We'd get all kinds of gourmet stuff and make a big, expansive Sunday brunch for ourselves every morning. I missed that ritual. * The sexual dry spell. UGH. Horrible. And then....starting to date again and sometimes well....you know, sometimes you hookup just to hookup. And UGH...the loneliness and awfulness of it sometimes. * Having to return each others' stuff. Finding some of his stuff mixed in with mine and then having to box it up and send it off. Getting bits and pieces of my stuff mailed to me with sad little notes attached. All that good-bye/ending business. Very painful and so very sad. However the PROS * Feeling like I could breathe again. When a failing relationship finally ends, you feel a weight has lifted off your chest because you're finally facing the truth * Feeling like 'me' again. I had felt so stifled and repressed in that relationship. I could make my own decisions again, choose to do what I wanted to do, how and where. FREEDOM! * Not having to walk on eggshells anymore. No more constant fighting over stupid little ****! * Not having to smell his disgusting pack-a-day cigarette habit or be subjected to his alcoholic bull****. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 Cons- Effects on my children Effects on my exinlaws Effects on friends and acquaintances Guilt over leaving and losing my exhusband as a friend. Pros- Never having to deal with his selfishness ever again Being able to take care of myself and my children without his help. Finding someone else who would really love me. Being happier than I've ever been in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 Cons I have become a misogynist Pros Gaining my spine and self respect back Directing all that energy into acheving more than I ever had No more nagging and screaming I can do what I want No bedning over backwards to please a woman Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 Cons 1) in the initial stages, feeling lonely and scared that i would be alone forever and I wouldnt make it 2) Not able to go to resturants and movies almost every weekend 3) Not having someone to talk to 4) Losing my home, my idea of what I wanted our marriage to be. 5) Realizing I was alone years before my marriage ended. Pros 1) I can do anything I choose at the spur of the moment. 2) I can do anything I choose w/o him saying it's lame 3) Learning to be independent, paying bills, learning to cook, all the stuff my ex said I couldnt do without him I'm doing pretty good so far 4) Not having to listen to someone tell me i'm doing something wrong, or that i'm selfish, or mean, or anything else 5) I'm liking myself again 6) Guys flirting with me Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 When I divorced my husband I knew without question it was the right thing... The Downside for me was my Little People... it had never been my intention to raise my Kiddo's as a Single Mom and that was very hard for me... I had a lot of guilt over it, HOWEVER I also knew I wouldn't raise my Kid's to grow up thinking that what was going on between thier Dad and I at that time to be normal, healthy OR okay... Other than My Kid's there hasn't been enough of a "downside" so to speak that has ever made me question if I did the right thing. The good things that came from my divorce was... Finding out I'm stronger than I thought I was. My Kids and I had always been tight, but now we are mad, crazy tight. That I get along better with my EXH now then we did when we were married. There is one less person that I feel I HAVE to clean up after. That it released me to find someone else who is good for me. That I try harder at everything... I went back to school and got my education, and I learned a lot about myself through it all.... Hopefully when people get married they don't get divorced (I don't recommend it or encourage others) BUT hopefully as well IF people find themselves in impossible marriages they are able to find the courage to leave them. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 27, 2005 Share Posted September 27, 2005 This is why I am going to be really really sure that I have found the right person if I ever have kids. Link to post Share on other sites
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