I need help fast!!!!

[jack]

My girlfriend of 2 years ended our relationship last week.

 

We ended on good terms she said she just needs to do her ow thing, that she's fallen out of love with me. Here's the thing. I haven't treated her that well for the past couple months. I have been focused on work and neglecting her needs. The breakup made me realize how much I love her. I want to show her but am afraid it's too late. I convinced her we should stay friends and have been showering her with gifts and attention. She just thinks I'm trying to buy her back and that things will go back to the way they were if we get back. She kinda snapped today and said the friendship thing wasn't working out because I'm obviously trying to get her back. I love this girl and know I can't be just friends. She said to think about it and she's going to call at 12:30 tonight.

 

I NEED ANSWERS BEFORE THAT CALL.

 

What should I say???

 

If I say I can't be just friends I may never see her again.

 

GIVE ME SOME MAGIC WORDS. eg "I knew from the moment I met you..."

[Tony T]

She doesn't want to hear that romantic crap right now. You had your chance and blew it. If you can't just be her friend right now, forget her. Lavishing her with all kinds of gifts and attention would piss off most decent women under the circumstances.

 

If I were you, I would admit the mistakes you made. Let her know you've learned a lot from this and tell her you're very sorry it was at the expense of your relationship with her. Then tell her you wish her great happiness. Let it go at that.

 

If you're cool, sincere, apologetic, etc. but don't kiss her butt or beg her back, you can probably save this thing. But if you go mushy on her, she will just gag and want to be away from you all the more.

 

Tell her to give you a call sometime if she'd like to get together for lunch or something. Let her know you'd really like that...then say good-bye.

 

That approach will have more impact on her than anything else you could possibly do.

[Tony T]

...don't use the line you have in mind, "I knew from the moment I met you..." That will just make her puke.

 

Just be normal and whatever you do, don't get romantic or emotional. Just be nice...apologize but don't be overly apologetic. Let her know you've learned from this.

 

But be strong here. This lady feels screwed over and she's pissed. She's pissed you neglected her...and she's pissed that you tried to correct it with all the gifts and stuff.

 

She's pissed because you know NOTHING AT ALL about romance. So get wise today. Be strong and just be forthright with her. Leave it up to her to contact you.

 

If you don't turn into a lovesick wimp, no mushy stuff, no romantic words to her, etc., she will be puzzled. I promise she will call you in time.

 

Trust me.

[jack]

Are you sure the casual I'm ok with it approach is better suited to this situation. I'm worried this may be my last chance to win her back. What if she doesn't call for lunch?

 

She's calling in the next half hour any last minute advice greatly appreciated.

She doesn't want to hear that romantic crap right now. You had your chance and blew it. If you can't just be her friend right now, forget her. Lavishing her with all kinds of gifts and attention would piss off most decent women under the circumstances. If I were you, I would admit the mistakes you made. Let her know you've learned a lot from this and tell her you're very sorry it was at the expense of your relationship with her. Then tell her you wish her great happiness. Let it go at that. If you're cool, sincere, apologetic, etc. but don't kiss her butt or beg her back, you can probably save this thing. But if you go mushy on her, she will just gag and want to be away from you all the more. Tell her to give you a call sometime if she'd like to get together for lunch or something. Let her know you'd really like that...then say good-bye.

 

That approach will have more impact on her than anything else you could possibly do.

[Dragonflys]

You have 20 minutes left, so here's another opinion...

 

I think you should simply say to her (as Tony said) that you have learned a lot from this and admit you made mistakes. Tell her you regret it, but don't get soppy (again as Tony said).

 

Importantly though, you should make no wild promises (as you know by now that doesn't help..it only makes YOU feel better temporarily), but rather just let her know that you hope she reconsiders and that you will not push her in any way anymore.

 

Then let it be...

 

If she still feels strongly about you, and you keep to your words above, then she will come back.

 

Oliver

[Miss Mojo]

...i hope you don't mind me asking, but how did it go??

 

i hope you managed to pull through this conversation with an edge of aloofness....telling her you love her is ok, but i hope you didn't get too mushy.

 

by the way, if she doesn't come back to you, please understand that it's not because of anything you said or didn't say on the phone tonight. she would have made this decision regardless of whether or not you were mushy or aloof....i know too well how easy it is to say, "...if only i had of said this!!!!...or that!!!", but "if only's" won't help either. the decision is ultimately hers.

[Tony T]

I'm sure you've already talked to her...but if I wasn't sure about what I have written I wouldn't have written it. You are way too emotional tonight, way too uptight. Trust me, you may want this gal for some reason but life will be just fine if you never hear from her again. You will get over her after a time and your life will be totally fine in every way.

 

You may WANT a particular lady in your life but you never NEED any particular lady. That is rational thought...although in love we seldom think rationally. That's why you have sought advice from dispassionate observers in this forum.

 

As a matter of fact, everything happens EXACTLY the way it's supposed to. If it happens a particular way, it's supposed to happen that way.

 

To the extent that you can stand tall and tough, life will happen exactly the way you want it to.

 

Hey, man, you screwed up here. You were supposed to do that. You were supposed to neglect the lady. You were supposed to find out just what the consequences of neglecting someone you love are.

 

You were supposed to go through this so when the right situation comes along, unless you are severely mentally challenged, you will give due attention to your lady and your relationship.

 

Lessons are supposed to happen. When you were in school, when you got an answer wrong on a test did you try to change the mind of the author of the text in order to make your answer right. No, you learned from your error.

 

Such goes life.

[Miss Mojo]

....that last paragraph, in particular, is something that made me really think.

 

i feel a lot of us could use your advice from this particular post at one time or another, and i know i shall keep that particular phrase in mind.

 

danke shön!!

[Dragonflys]

Now there is something you said well dear...

 

'she would have made this decision regardless of whether or not you were mushy or aloof'

 

And for that reason, his act of playing it cool will allow her thoughts to take their natural course and the right decision will be made.

 

Hope it works well for him.

 

Oliver

[Miss Mojo]

'she would have made this decision regardless of whether or not you were mushy or aloof'

And for that reason, his act of playing it cool will allow her thoughts to take their natural course and the right decision will be made. Hope it works well for him. Oliver

thanks oliver....a compliment much appreciated by someone who usually struggles to word things the way i feel them (perfect example...that in itself probably didn't make much sense!!..i should be called miss mind-goes-a-million-miles-a-minute!)

 

i have actually learnt jack's upcoming lesson the hard way....all mushy to them and as soon as i hang up the phone/walk away, i want to go and ride the porcelain bus just thinking about what i said.

 

mushiness is all great in theory, but in reality, it actually creates a lot of pressure for the person who is at the receiving end of the mushy stick. being aloof however, really has much more of an effect on someones thoughts, and i guess it demonstrates to a certain degree a lack of selfishness when dealing with emotions (getting mushy and trying to convince someone they've made a mistake after a break-up is, i believe an act that revolves 99% around your own feelings).

 

ah, yes....don'tcha just love hindsight!!

[jack]

Tony,

 

Thanks for you advice. Rationally I know you are totally right, irrationally I just wanted to pour my heart out. You are right!!!Play it cool. We all make mistakes.

 

Anyway she called.

 

me"I've done some thinking.."

 

her"I want to talk about it tomorrow, call me around 10"

 

me"have a good sleep"

 

her "you too"

 

click

 

I have no idea what that means.

 

I'll find out tomorrow morn and Tony, thank you again, if it's going badly I'll stay strong.

[Dragonflys]

Jack

 

Just make sure you let her talk. That is the ultimate way to show her the greatest respect you can.

 

Don't say a bloody word until she says her piece.

 

Good luck!!

 

Oliver

[Tony T]

Ladies may say they like punctuality but if you call her at exactly 10, she'll think you were right on top of the phone slobbering and waiting to call her. Ring her up about 10:12...and be cool about it. Don't let her think she's the only thing you've got to do in the entire world.

 

And calm yourself down. Chances are fair this is NOT the girl of your dreams and NOT the girl you will marry. She is just one in a line of succession to get you to that special one. Why waste so much mental energy on just one part of that link? Oh, yes, maybe she is the one...and if she was meant for you, you'll marry her even if you don't call her this morning at all.

 

Calm down!!!

[jack]

OK, I'm still waiting for the "CONVERSTION".

 

We were having bad cell connection this morning so decided on an evening call. I have been trying to reach her for the past 20 min, no answer. Tony decided to chicken out on the "call me for lunch" thing. I don't have the stomach for the waiting game. I'm going with the "friend" thing in the hopes of subtly winning her back (without the gifts and professions of love). I made up a frienship list so she thinks I'm serious about trying it. SHOULD I READ IT TO HER??

 

I can't buy flowers, chocolates, teddy bears or expensive gifts.

 

I can't make any sexual comments, say I love you, or pressure you to be with me.

 

I can call you anytime.

 

You can call me anytime.

 

We can do things like movies, dinner together occasionally.

 

I have to be truthful about other relationships.

 

You have to be truthful about other relationships.

 

You can't treat me like one of your other friends...there will be a difference.

 

I will work hard to make it work.

 

You have to tell me if something I'm doing is making you upset.

 

You have to realize I still love and care about you and deal with it.

 

I have to deal; with realizing we're through and move on.

 

Should I read that? Also should I say I've been talking to my ex(I haven't) for support, to pique some jealousy???

 

Any help greatly appreciated.

 

 

[Tony T]

You are just never, ever going to get it. Stop attempting to call her if you aren't getting an answer. It's very likely she's at home and just not wanting to answer. If not, her caller ID will show her just how many times you called and she'll think you were desperate or pathetic. If she's got an answering machine, leave one message and forget it.

 

You've got to be short and you've got to be a man. I've already given you excellent instructions on how to conduct yourself. The list you have prepared is corny. Find yourself a female friend and run this by her. A female will tell you just what this stuff sounds like.

 

No, don't mention your ex. She'll see through that big time. You have got to get in the driver's seat here. Right now, everything you have planned will show her she's got all the cards and the power here. If she's looking for a man, she'll not have respect for a male who let's her have all the power.

[sparkle]

(I'm a girl and I've been in the same situation as your girl a few times...so I'm speaking from experience.)

 

DO NOT read this stuff to her. Way too mushy. Why do guys always say stuff like this AFTER we break up with them??? And when I heard my ex say this type of stuff, I felt like throwing up. It disgusts me.

 

If I break up with him, and then he turns around and starts kissing my butt, it does NOT and never has made me want to be with him again.

 

So I'm telling you..DON'T READ IT TO HER.

 

Let me repeat...DO NOT READ IT TO HER.

 

Again, DO NOT SAY ANYTHING REMOTELY SIMILAR TO WHAT YOU WROTE ABOVE.

 

Yuck!

 

Another no-no: Do NOT tell her you're talking to your ex in order to make her jealous. It will only backfire. Trust me. I've heard it before. And my response was along the lines of..."oh yeah? Why don't you continue talking to your ex...maybe she'll want to be with you, because I sure don't! See ya!"

 

Now I've experienced this with about 3 or 4 guys. And I reacted the same way. They all sounded pathetic, and made me glad that I wasn't with them anymore.

 

Now...let me tell you about the guy I broke up with who acted in a completely different manner. And we did get back together afterward. If he had started buying me gifts or showering me with affectionate poems or letters or poured his heart out like the others did, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have started dating him again.

 

So what did he do?

 

Well at first, he wanted to talk about what went wrong...my feelings, his feelings...blah blah. It turned me off, I remember it was a Wednesday. I told him to call me Fri afternoon. He asked me what time, I told him I'd be home at 2pm, until 8pm when I was going out with my friends.

 

I did not really want to talk to him, but Fri rolled around, it had been a couple days...it was 2pm, I started expecting his call...

 

7:30pm, he still hadn't called. First of all, I was surprised that he didn't call. I started thinking...HE was the one that wanted to talk to me! And now he has the nerve not to call? Hmmm maybe he's not so desperate after all. And I actually started looking forward to his call.

 

8:15pm, I was walking out the door, and he called. Before I even had a chance to say much and tell him I was just leaving, he said...this will only take a minute. I was even more surprised.

 

He said something along the lines of, "Hey I'm sorry about what I did. And if you don't want to be with me, I completely understand. But if you want to go out for ice cream later next week, or even out to lunch or dinner, you know my number...give me a call. Sorry I can't talk right now but I'll try to give you a call this weekend. Take care...bye".

 

And that's it.

 

The call was not even the full minute that he asked for in the beginning...it was about 25 seconds.

 

(Girls analyze these type of things)

 

He didn't even give me a chance to get in a single word edgewise. He didn't give me a chance to agree to calling him or having dinner with him. He acted in a totally unexpected way.

 

He turned the tables around completely. Now it was up to ME to call him, it was up to me to make an effort. He didn't call all weekend. Not even by the end of the next week.

 

Guess what...that weekend, I called HIM.

 

And guess what...he acted the same way...hey it was nice seeing you...etc. But he was still pretty cool..regretful about being a jerk (mentioned it only once) but still acted very happy, acted like breaking up with me wasn't the end of the world...didn't pause his life, etc.

 

And it made me want to be with him more than ever.

 

Follow my boyfriend's actions and Tony's advice, they both know what they're talking about.

[jack]

Thanks for the advice Jack. Sparkle, good to have a woman second those opinions.

 

I talked to her today and stayed away from the mushy stuff. Didn' have the stomach for the casual "call me for lunch" so I went with the lets be friends thing. Stayed away from any emotional talk and just tried to listen and be supportive. She's still pretty distant. Going to try and be a friend, and pretend like I'm not desperate to get her back. It may be a long haul but this girl is worth it. The worst part is wondering what she is doing and with whom she is doing it. How can I casually find out if she is seeing anyone without seeming the jealous boyfriend. As it stands now we'll probably talk on the phone for a few minutes every day and I may see her a couple times a week to give her a lift from work. Is calling daily to chat as a friend (no mushy stuff) a good idea? Please tell me how I can get info on her social life without seeming jealous. Should I say "can I call you around..." or "are you going to call tonight? Should I ask "can I see you tomorrow?"

 

She is a very jealous person. Still wondering if trying to subtly introduce the thought that I may be thinking about another woman is a bad idea.

 

I was thinking of a light misting of perfume in the car or a lipstck stained cigarette in the ashtray.

 

Thanks for helping me through this.

[jack]

My girlfriend of 2 years ended our relationship last week. We ended on good terms she said she just needs to do her ow thing, that she's fallen out of love with me. Here's the thing. I haven't treated her that well for the past couple months. I have been focused on work and neglecting her needs. The breakup made me realize how much I love her. I want to show her but am afraid it's too late. I convinced her we should stay friends and have been showering her with gifts and attention. She just thinks I'm trying to buy her back and that things will go back to the way they were if we get back. She kinda snapped today and said the friendship thing wasn't working out because I'm obviously trying to get her back. I love this girl and know I can't be just friends. She said to think about it and she's going to call at 12:30 tonight. I NEED ANSWERS BEFORE THAT CALL. What should I say??? If I say I can't be just friends I may never see her again. GIVE ME SOME MAGIC WORDS. eg "I knew from the moment I met you..."

[Laurynn]

First I gotta say, your posts are eerily similar to a past poster here who went by the name of Ace (Adam).....he was a guy who smothered the crap out of his g/f.....spoiled her rotten, was her personal doormat, couldn't fart without her, was obsessed with her.....she tried to get him to back off but her only became even more relentless in his pursuit to keep her. She ended up skidding his butt. For many months, he came here asking for advice on how to win her back. It was really quite sad. He stewed and hemmed and hawed, wondering if it was "ok" to call her daily, wanting to know how to win her back, bla bla. Much (MUCH!) like you're doing. You related?? :-)

 

As I (and countless others) advised him, LEAVE THE GIRL ALONE. Get some pride and some balls. She's distant with you because she's not interested at this time. Will she become interested again in the future? Who knows. But leave her alone. For God sakes, don't call her every day to make harmless chat. She will be completely turned off. Stop trying to think of ways to win her back. Dump the stupid idea of spraying perfume in your car/leaving a lipstick stained cig butt in your car's ashtray. Stupid, stupid stupid idea. You play with fire and you're going to get burned. Games never work, they usually backfire big time.

 

She ended things with you, now respect her wishes. She's going to want NOTHING to do with you if you act like a hemorrhoid and are in her face on a daily basis. I can tell ya, there's nothing more revolting than a guy who appears desperate/tries too hard. She'll see right through your 'game' and she'll lose all respect for you cuz she'll see you don't respect her (her wishes).

 

Get out there and get on with your life....if something is meant to be, it will be. Things in life have a way of working themselves out the way they're supposed to. Get some interests, hobbies, hang out with friends, make new friends, keep busy, make a list of 10 things you've always wanted to do and get doing them.

 

If you want to win her back, leave her alone. Give her some major breathing space and room to think. You don't miss the water til the well is gone.

 

Stop obsessing about her. Stop planning when you'll call her next, how often, what you'll say. She knows how you feel, she's not stupid.

 

Back off and leave her be. If it's meant to be, she'll come back to you...but I can assure you, if you're on her ass every day or every second day, chasing her, under the guise of 'friendship', she'll want NOTHING to do with you, period.

 

Laurynn

[jack]

 

Laurynn,

 

I think I need a guys input on this one.

 

She is not going to know I am desperate to get her back. You do because I told you. She will be made to think I have accepted the breakup and am cool with a casual friendship while hopefully I win her trust and love back. What I really want to know is how to broach the subject of her extracurricular activities without sounding the jealous. boyfriend. How often does a friend call before they are bothering you. General answer. I know it varies on the friend. Never heard of Adam but breakup problems share many similarities I suppose.

First I gotta say, your posts are eerily similar to a past poster here who went by the name of Ace (Adam).....he was a guy who smothered the crap out of his g/f.....spoiled her rotten, was her personal doormat, couldn't fart without her, was obsessed with her.....she tried to get him to back off but her only became even more relentless in his pursuit to keep her. She ended up skidding his butt. For many months, he came here asking for advice on how to win her back. It was really quite sad. He stewed and hemmed and hawed, wondering if it was "ok" to call her daily, wanting to know how to win her back, bla bla. Much (MUCH!) like you're doing. You related?? :-) As I (and countless others) advised him, LEAVE THE GIRL ALONE. Get some pride and some balls. She's distant with you because she's not interested at this time. Will she become interested again in the future? Who knows. But leave her alone. For God sakes, don't call her every day to make harmless chat. She will be completely turned off. Stop trying to think of ways to win her back. Dump the stupid idea of spraying perfume in your car/leaving a lipstick stained cig butt in your car's ashtray. Stupid, stupid stupid idea. You play with fire and you're going to get burned. Games never work, they usually backfire big time.

 

She ended things with you, now respect her wishes. She's going to want NOTHING to do with you if you act like a hemorrhoid and are in her face on a daily basis. I can tell ya, there's nothing more revolting than a guy who appears desperate/tries too hard. She'll see right through your 'game' and she'll lose all respect for you cuz she'll see you don't respect her (her wishes).

 

Get out there and get on with your life....if something is meant to be, it will be. Things in life have a way of working themselves out the way they're supposed to. Get some interests, hobbies, hang out with friends, make new friends, keep busy, make a list of 10 things you've always wanted to do and get doing them. If you want to win her back, leave her alone. Give her some major breathing space and room to think. You don't miss the water til the well is gone. Stop obsessing about her. Stop planning when you'll call her next, how often, what you'll say. She knows how you feel, she's not stupid. Back off and leave her be. If it's meant to be, she'll come back to you...but I can assure you, if you're on her ass every day or every second day, chasing her, under the guise of 'friendship', she'll want NOTHING to do with you, period. Laurynn

[Miss Mojo]

hi jack,

 

obviously i am not a guy, but i just feel that you need to know that whether it's a guys perspective or a girls perspective is going to make not one iota of difference in this situation. what is happening to you now is not gender specific.....more to the point, i want to point out and ask you a few things:

 

1. Q: have you ever had a relationship before and tried to remain friends afterwards?

 

if you haven't then please listen up for a moment....many people will probably agree with what i am about to say because of past experience.....

 

trying to "win" someone back is probably one of the biggest mistakes you could make, especially if they broke up with you. sooner or later, they will cotton on to your motives, and your plan will blow up in your face. there is NO guarantee that they will want you back, and in the meantime, you will tear your hair out just being in the presence of this girl....yes, you will slowly start to go stir crazy when you see her getting on with her life, meeting new people, treating you as a FRIEND because that's the way she has come to view you.....do you understand what i'm trying to say here???

 

the surest way (again, not guaranteed), is to just fade off into the sunset....that will have her thinking about you 10 times more than she would if you were to be a 'friend'. you will feel your heart sink everytime she refers to you as her 'friend'....you will feel your heart sink when she eventually decides to date again (hey, you're her 'friend', so she probably won't ask you out on a real date)....you will tear yourself apart everyday wondering if you should call because you are desperate to have contact with her....you will feel your heart sink when you realise that trying to win someone back doesn't work. why? because she knows exactly what you are like, and being a friend isn't going to make her want you more. if she wants you, she will let you know in her own good time. your status as a friend is not going to make her suddenly wake up and say, "hang on a second, what the hell was i thinking by splitting up with him??"....basically, you are going to put yourself through hell thinking you can "win" her back.

 

i know you probably didn't want to hear this, but i can really see you setting yourself up for some serious heartache with the 'friends' charade.

 

please, for your sake and for her sake, back off and let her do the chasing if she's going to at all. go out and have a fantastic time doing things without her. at least this way, if she doesn't come back, you can be proud that you got on with your life, and if she does come back, you can still be proud that you got on with your life.

 

trust what everyone is telling you here....experience speaks volumes and when we're all saying the same thing, it's because we've all learnt the very, very hard way.

[Miss Mojo]

....and about that letter you were thinking of giving her....DON'T.

 

in a nutshell, this will more than likely piss her off big time. i understand that you have written these things because you want to respect her feelings, and you want to save yourself from gettting burned, but to impose conditions on a friendship is the ultimate way of ruining a friendship before it's even started.

 

....i still think you will get burned just trying to be friends. it's nowhere near as easy as people perceive or as easy as what we see on television. it's damn tough and not worth it unless you're a) a glutton for punishment b) 100% over the person.

 

good luck

[Laurynn]

Oh please. You need a guy's input on this? Are you here looking for unbiased advice, or are you here looking for what you want to hear? Advice is advice, regardless of what gender gives it. Sorta arrogant of you to dismiss my advice all because I'm a female/say you now wish to hear a guy's advice. Let's see now....your EX g/f is a female. *I* am a female. You don't want to know how females think about desperate, game-playing, insecure guys?

 

Her 'extracurricular activities' are NONE of your dang business. You're no longer in a relationship. If anything, you're just friends. She owes you nothing. Stop with the Sherlock Holmes crap, trying to find out what she's doing/who she's seeing.

 

My point was, if you just leave her alone and respect her wishes, the fact that you're not on her ass everyday, chasing her, will cause her to TAKE NOTICE ("how come he's not pursuing me anymore?")......it will get her attention......this will make her RETHINK things, possibly want you even more. Think about it......when someone doesn't have something any more, they want it all the more.

 

Ahh forget it, you sound like you're going to do whatever you're going to do....and that you're here looking for someone to pat you on the head and tell you that it's okay to chase this girl and pester her. Okay, whatever.

 

L

[jack]

Laurynn, you make a hell of alot of sense and if I could take your advice I would. Unfortunately, I'm not good at waiting, I want to know how its going to turn out or do something to affect the outcome quickly. I did just that tonight, a gamble, but like I say I can't wait things out.

 

I called, left a message on her machine basically breaking off our friendship and informing her I am getting back with my ex. Mentioned I had drunk too much. I hope this breakup reversal will have some affect. What do you think Laurlynn. Please remember I cannot play the waiting game. It is not in my nature. I WISH I COULD. You give sound advice.

Oh please. You need a guy's input on this? Are you here looking for unbiased advice, or are you here looking for what you want to hear? Advice is advice, regardless of what gender gives it. Sorta arrogant of you to dismiss my advice all because I'm a female/say you now wish to hear a guy's advice. Let's see now....your EX g/f is a female. *I* am a female. You don't want to know how females think about desperate, game-playing, insecure guys? Her 'extracurricular activities' are NONE of your dang business. You're no longer in a relationship. If anything, you're just friends. She owes you nothing. Stop with the Sherlock Holmes crap, trying to find out what she's doing/who she's seeing.

 

My point was, if you just leave her alone and respect her wishes, the fact that you're not on her ass everyday, chasing her, will cause her to TAKE NOTICE ("how come he's not pursuing me anymore?")......it will get her attention......this will make her RETHINK things, possibly want you even more. Think about it......when someone doesn't have something any more, they want it all the more. Ahh forget it, you sound like you're going to do whatever you're going to do....and that you're here looking for someone to pat you on the head and tell you that it's okay to chase this girl and pester her. Okay, whatever. L

[jack]

OK I broke and went with your advice. I called back her message machine after much thought and erased the message I referred to in the previous post. The message sounded pretty bad, I'm glad I erased it. Now I wait. I hope you people are right. If she doesn't call in certain amount of time should I call to say "hi". How long to wait?

Laurynn, you make a hell of alot of sense and if I could take your advice I would. Unfortunately, I'm not good at waiting, I want to know how its going to turn out or do something to affect the outcome quickly. I did just that tonight, a gamble, but like I say I can't wait things out. I called, left a message on her machine basically breaking off our friendship and informing her I am getting back with my ex. Mentioned I had drunk too much. I hope this breakup reversal will have some affect. What do you think Laurlynn. Please remember I cannot play the waiting game. It is not in my nature. I WISH I COULD. You give sound advice.