Is She Manipulating me or am I insecure?

[makisupa]

Hi Folks,

 

I started dating this girl about 2-3 months ago (we became exclusive 3 weeks ago). Everything has been going great up until about a week ago (when I left for a 2.5 week vk) where she called me up extremely drunk at 2am in the morning and claimed she didn't understand how she got home, and just started talking gibberish about the relationship. She said certain things to make me question if she is fully invested at all, such as her friends are suggesting she should go to Portugal to meet hot guys and she's thinking about it etc. At the end of the conversation (2.5 hours), I finally managed to convince her to drink water and shower; she then went to bed. in the morning, she sent me an apology text, and I accepted (although thought it was kind of weak she didn't call), but I also stated that I was concerned about her going out and getting wasted. I said this in a confident, stern approach and she said she understood, but later on she said she was mad at how I was acted so "stern" and called her out. I mean was it wrong for me to worry about her safety?

 

Fast forward and I got drunk a few nights ago (again I'm away on vk). The night started with her sending me a "have fun tonight!" text, which was in response to what I told her I was doing. For some strange reason I just got a weird feeling that she was putting me off, but I am a little insecure because this is my first relationship after my divorce so perhaps I read into it. Anyways, after a couple of hours I sent her a text showing her pictures of the concert I went to, but even after an hour no response. I then tried calling her at her house on the way home, and again, no response. I waited about 20 min and tried one last time, and no response. She finally called back about 30 min after my last call, and I kind of blew up (I was completely intoxicated and wasn't thinking clearly) and asked her where she was and she claimed she was with her gf at home and coincidentally facetiming with her nephews. For some reason, it just seemed weird....I just had a gut feeling that she was lying to me, so I called her out if she was with another guy (I know this is a beta move and highly insecure..although I went through a divorce 3 years ago and lost my mom 4 years ago) and she was like "what's wrong with you?" and "these are irrational thoughts". In short, it was just a bad conversation after that, but I just told her I had a weird gut feeling that something was off. In short, the next morning I tried to patch things up as best as possible. We had a long conversation in the morning and she mentioned to me she wanted me to feel "safe and good", but that she was just bothered by my accusations. I really like this girl and I've been trying to get over my insecurities, but now I'm confused if it's me over-analyzing this situation and my insecurities are projecting, or I am dead on and she's protecting herself and this potential new person. I guess the only thing I can do at this point is trust her and work on rebuilding her attraction for me, although I feel like it's over without it "officially" being announced. Thoughts? Thanks.

[mark clemson]

You're insecure. Based on the evidence that presents.

 

Just because you're insecure doesn't mean she's not cheating on you. But you have no empirical reason to doubt her story.

 

Your gut could still be right, but at this point your head should admit that there's not nearly enough evidence to draw that conclusion.

 

IF this keeps happening, try hard to figure out if it's a YOU issue (insecurity only) or a HER issue (subtle things she does are triggering your gut reaction). Possibly, she's not the right girl for you?

[Mr. Lucky]

I really like this girl and I've been trying to get over my insecurities, but now I'm confused if it's me over-analyzing this situation and my insecurities are projecting, or I am dead on and she's protecting herself and this potential new person. I guess the only thing I can do at this point is trust her and work on rebuilding her attraction for me, although I feel like it's over without it "officially" being announced. Thoughts? Thanks.

 

Unless you're in high school (unlikely, given your divorce), way too much drama and insecurity on both sides. Drunk calls and texts? Middle of the night phone calls? Cheating accusations?

 

Not how healthy adults act in a committed relationship. Might be best to work on your own state of mind as a single person...

 

Mr. Lucky

[dispatch3d]

I think the portugal talk got to you more than you let on with her initially, and it came out later.

[d0nnivain]

It's too early in the relationship for all of this. You are on a vacation that is almost as long as the exclusive part of your relationship.

 

You don't trust her but you also don't have enough of a foundation with her to trust.

 

All in all you need to just chill until you are back at home, dating normally.

 

What is it with you & these women who want to talk to you in the middle of the night when they are drunk? the last woman you dated did this too.

[loversquarrel]

You are both insecure. She started with her drunk call and stories about thinking of going to Portugal to have fun with hot guys. That sir is a shyt test from a clearly insecure person. You then become insecure yourself and let what she previously said get to you. She was possibly playing games by not answering your calls and texts in an effort to take power back in the relationship.

 

Move on from this and get some IC, then find someone who doesnt play games.

[schlumpy]

Sealing the deal on a exclusive relationship then running off on vacation without your SO doesn't seem likely to deepen the connection between you two.