sweetbrokensoul Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 Hi- I'd like to post my situation and perhaps get some advice. I am heartbroken-I was with my ex for about 9 months. We entered into the relationship fairly quickly. I had not been with anyone for 5 years before him since my sons father. He took the responsibilities of a dad and became very close to my son. We talked about religion alot from the beginning but the truth about how he was raised was not brought up for awhile. I was raised Greek Orthodox but I now consider myself a Christian and do not really believe in organized religion. I find that if I do my own research and praying -I am more at peace with God myself. Anyway-about the 7th month of our relationship he wanted to start attending his church services again. Well-he found a nice kingdom hall down the street from us and started going. He grew up a Jehovah's witness. I went a couple times-did not consider anything wrong about the services just different from what I am used to. I then started doing my own research on the internet and at the library about the religion. Many things were very negative. Well, eventually we started arguing alot about it-I didnt want to be pushed into something i wasn't sure of-etc.. He made alot of positive changes when he started studying again. However-because it was the "right thing to do" he moved out and we broke up after 9 months. Now-it was a sin to live with me and have relations without being married and he was now trying to live the right way. I was crushed, my son was crushed -my family was torn apart. I tried to understand the religion- I did a couple studies with him, I sat down with a "sister" and talked to her once - but I still had some bias against it because I was so hurt by him leaving and changing so suddenly. He came around a couple times -basically we "ended up sinning by having more sexual relations" which I thought was very hypocritical and as a result I am more hurt. He hasn't really kept a relationship with my son even tho he said he would and my son loved him dearly. When I met him he was not an active JW as they say, so he was a completely different person. I feel used, not good enough, and very betrayed. I was wiiling to compromise-but he was not. Their religion is very strict and they are not to date non-JW's. He would tolerate my holidays but not really partake in them. The last time we were together was 2 weeks ago. He has vowed that he confessed his sins and was counseled to stay away from me because basically he is being influenced by Satan. He will not call me or talk to me. I know I need to move on. I feel that he is very confused; he even said so-but I also feel he is trying to satisfy his mom and feels torn what is right and what is wrong. I just dont understand how he can go from one extreme to the other. It's very painful. Thanks for any advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 I had something similar happen to me other than I didn't have but about 6 months invested and we didn't live together. I'm not overly religous other than I believe and go to church 2-3 times a year.. about 5 months into our relationship she decided to start going to church more than she had been and then I got the talk about our religious beliefs being different and she said she was not comfortable having premarital sex because it was against her faith... WTF ..We had been having sex almost the whole 5 months. We broke up shortly and she found someone from her church and they got married and lived happily ever after.. The moral of this story is that everybody has beliefs and when those beliefs make them conflicted the best course of action is to let them go.. They will not change because they are faith driven. It is best for all parties if you just strike this one up to a learning experience.. He treated you and your child poorly by beginning a relationship that he knew he was not going to be able to go thru with to the end.. He used you.. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 Sorry, to have not responded earlier to the thread. It is very confusing when something like that happens to you. I have not had it happen to me, but I know a few people who have had something like that happen to them. Basically, because religion has become the the thriving force in his life, he is a completely different person. Before this change, he did things, because he felt these things were right, appropriate, et cetera. Now he is doing things, because he is basically told they are right, appropriate - and that impacts all areas of his life, and has a huge impact on your relationship too. Reasoning with him is useless, as it is "all written out" what he should do, and what the consequences would be if he kept involved with you. Of course, he is still not immune to you, and still desires a relationship with you - hence the transgression in the sexual department. But rather as perceiving that as a token of love, he will perceive that as a token of weakness, a sin, for which he must repent even more. Perhaps he will come back to you, and "sin" some more. He will feel terrible about it, and he will tell you that he is sinning, because he is with you. That can be very dangerous for your self-esteem. I presume he is not a teenager (given the fact that you are a mother for quite a while), and should be able to make his own decisions (at least from a legal point of view). Right now, he simply can't as he is completely consumed by the religion. We can speculate whatever drove him to be so obsessed with religion, but it does not change him. It would only become of importance when the period of fervour has worn of. If that ever happens. So indeed, you need to move on. And for your own mental health, try to forget about the guy, and not let him into your life. It would mess you up, if you tried to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetbrokensoul Posted September 26, 2005 Author Share Posted September 26, 2005 Thanks alot for the advice-It helps tremendously. I know what I need to do-I just need to do it. Sometimes, I feel like my whole day is consumed with thoughts about him and why it happened. It was and is very emotional. I go to school, work and am a single mom to a beautiful 6 yr. old. It gets very overwhelming sometimes. But I will keep my hope and faith that "this too shall pass". Thanks: Link to post Share on other sites
Author sweetbrokensoul Posted September 26, 2005 Author Share Posted September 26, 2005 Sorry forgot to mention that he was still telling me he loved me and my son up until a week ago and he was still hurting himself. Also, about a month ago when we were having a really deep conversation, I thought he was beginning to finally understand where I was coming from and what I believed and felt. But then he is off to a meeting or study and hes back to his "hypnotized state". I also forgot to mention that I met him at my work- he was up here working from Texas and ended up quiting his job to pursue this relationship with me because that one required him to travel alot. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 Q. Did you hear about the man who was asked to become a Jehovah's Witness? A. He said he could not cause he did not see the accident. Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 I think he is trying to please his mother, who you say is a JW. How is your relationship with his mother? Maybe she got upset/jealous that he moved away to be with you, and is usng JW as a way to deter him away from you and to give him a guilt/sin trip, which is working.... sounds like he's weak and easily influenced, since it was a sudden change and it took some forcing from the church to gear him into their ways, as he was conflicted initially. It doesn't sound like he had a sudden religious revelation on his own...but was coerced by his mother and the nun. If they have convinced him that to be with you is to be influenced by Satan...talk about instilling fear! Sorry outsiders have ruined your lives together. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 sounds like he's weak and easily influenced, I agree HCG....there seems to be an epidemic of men who were born without any balls. On another topic HCG, why do you always look so smug in your picture? Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 On another topic HCG, why do you always look so smug in your picture? Don't get it twisted AM...it's more of a "I'm fed up with his c*ap" look! Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 michigangirl76 Religion is a deeply personal and private matter. If you and your boyfriend do not see eye to eye on such a serious part of your lives (and I am not deeply involved in a particular religion per say) I can not see the two of you having a harmonious relationship. Especially since there is a child involved. If religion plays an important part of your life, find a compatible mate. Period. Do not compromise and bend over backwards. No matter what faith you practice. Do you need anyone implying you are Satan, blah blah...just to be with this man and please his family. Practice your faith in harmony and the same with him. If you don't agree now, when the waters get rougher in the relationship it can only divide you further. Relationships are hard enough and difference in faith can be hard to overcome. Link to post Share on other sites
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