Can someone explain what this could be..?

[CT98]

My ex had a strange facet to her personality and I'm just trying to figure out what it could have been.

 

It's not my intention to come on here and bad mouth her but I'm beginning to realise that there was behavior that just seemed odd, and it ultimately led to the demise of the relationship.

 

I think really it amounts to paranoia, but I'm not sure what can cause this is in people. Few examples:

 

We rode our bikes to a local pub with a big outdoor beer garden, it was a cold windy day so we decided to sit in a large marquee; I went to put my bike inside the marquee next to the bench we were sat on, she told me not to as 'the people look like they're annoyed with us bringing our bikes in', now unless she's far more adept than me at reading social cues, to me it seemed like they couldn't give a solitary sh*t about where we put our bikes, and probably didn't even consciously notice we were there.

 

Another one was paying to go into a local food festival, the entry was £20, but the guy on the desk accidentally programmed £200 into the card machine. He said 'you don't really want to pay £200 do you', to which I replied 'not if I can help it mate'. When we got in she asked why I swore at the guy, to which I was completely bemused, she thought I said 'f**king hell mate.' When I said I didn't she said, 'well you meant to make it sound like that', I mean on what planet would I even be thinking about doing that, or be clever enough to come up with a phrase that sounded so similar to what I was accused of!?

 

Another one having a barbecue at her house, she had some friends round, we later had an argument because of my posture whilst eating, apparently she could tell that her friend noticed my bad posture!? I wasn't even sure why that would be a problem anyway. But how could she just tell that her friend had noticed?

 

There are other examples like thinking I've offended people whilst joking with them on nights out but the people who I have 'offended' are continuing to interact with me in a friendly manner.

 

I don't know, it's like she lives in a world where she has to please absolutely everyone, which is just impossible, which is why it ended really; because I just don't live that way.

 

Has anyone experienced anything like this before? It's a new one on me.

[basil67]

Hmmm... you sound Aussie, but the pound signs in the currency bits confused me...so perhaps you're Brit? Anyway everything you're described about your behaviour is perfectly normal in Oz. Was she from another culture? It's the only explanation I can come up with.

[CT98]

We are both English, but she did spend a large portion of her twenties living in an Asian country.

[d0nnivain]

it's like she lives in a world where she has to please absolutely everyone, which is just impossible, which is why it ended really; because I just don't live that way.

 

She does do this. She's insecure & therefor she always thinks people think the worst of her.

[chillii]

The posture thing cracked me up , l mean wt ???

Anyway , think you got yourself one of them there.

Always crazy picky , at any fkg thing, turns total nothing bs into something, always watchin and sayin crap and assuming the worst .

Is she always like that ?

lf so it's just part of who she is and your chemistry, she also might feel she's a notch or two above you too l'd suspect.

She'll probably never stfu with the bs is my guess so ya might wanna be thinking about whether you can stand it or not because l doubt it's gonna change.

[Lotsgoingon]

I think those actions are all major red flags. I'm glad you got out of relationship with her. That behavior only gets more annoying with time ... and the behavior is so strange... a partner doesn't know what to do.

 

She was some combination of deeply insecure, socially anxious, socially inept, unable to read social cues and body language in group situations or public situations ... None of that is superficial ... Any one of these explanations points to disaster.

 

Your ex was unable to go to a venue and do what couples love to do: connect with each other deeply while also taking part in the larger crowd. She was apparently flooded by fear of inferiority or standing out and shame ... when she entered these places with you.

 

Frankly, she could have some severe clinical problems, but I won't go there. That behavior is strange and destructive. Not just bizarre but destructive and disorienting for any partner. I hope you can use this experience to update your people picker to screen out this kind of person the next time.

 

I had a similar experience. My ex would always criticize me after we went to any kind of social party or gathering ... you know the kind of party where couples separate and make their way through the crowd and then check in with each other every now and then.

 

It took years for me to figure out that my ex (like yours) had terrible social skills and deep social anxiety. She simply and literally could not read social cues, body language, facial expressions if there was more than one person in a room. She could read my cues (frightening how good she was at that) as long as it was only she and I in a room. Put her in a group situation and she was lost.

 

BTW: was your ex a bad driver on the road. I have noticed that people who can't read social situations often have trouble reading road situations as well.

 

And I most certainly updated my people-picker software based on my experience with a socially awkward ex.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I doubt there is anything wrong with either you. It sounds like you two just don't really "get each other".

 

When a couple are too fundamentally different, it's easy to misunderstand what the other person says or does, and take things the wrong way, even when they seem trivial. You just have a different way of seeing things.

 

It's very hard to make those types of relationships work.

[LivingWaterPlease]

The posture thing cracked me up , l mean wt ???

 

^^^^

This. I had a good laugh when I read her comment about your posture, OP! That's so funny; is sitcom material!

 

Yes, you'll probably be happier with someone a little more mainstream.

[CT98]

Thanks for the replies, this thread and talking to friends has helped me realise that there's actually nothing wrong with me.

 

Just for good measure there are a few other things I've remembered:

 

Got annoyed at me for yawning in front of people and forgetting to cover my mouth.

 

Got annoyed at me for telling her dad about a car crash I had; as if people who crash cars are terrible people and it was going to give her father a bad impression of me.

 

But my personal favourite; after following me in her car, when we got home asking why I don't indicate a lot. I jokingly replied 'because I have a BMW, I don't need to indicate.' She flew into a rage well beyond what I would consider appropriate for the situation, like really had a go at me.