Venting and depressed

[emotionallybroken9]

Sorry, I don’t have people to talk to nor a place to release this. Just hurts to see how many selfies of her I have, and thinking of how many her OM got, then she sent them to me as well as second meat. It’s messing up my past. I have IC in a few days, but I just needed to get this thought out as it keeps looping in my head. Pics of her on beautiful trails, or silly faces she was making... I’m crying in the mall because of course it decides to hit me again now. How many was she looking at him instead of me. I can only assume all of them now. Hurts.

 

Vent over for now. Gonna go cry this out outside. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated. F_ck me, why does the heart hurt like this :’(

[Starswillshine]

Hugs. All I will say is that it does get better with time. But it is going to take time. Those triggers suck. I couldnt escape it. I would cry all the time. I could get distracted for a free short minutes, and the n it would hit again. A sick feeling constantly. I took hikes. I cried in the woods. I didn't really live for a couple of years. I lost those years. My kids lost those years. But I came back from it.

 

I remember those early days, where you are now... nome of these things I am telling you helped me, so I'm sure it doesnt help either. It all seems impossible and too far out. And the uncertainty for me was probably the worst. I did not know how to plan any future event in my life.

 

The WS take our innocence and screw our heads up. It isnt fair. But as my lovely ex WH used to say... life isnt fair, suck it up. Seriously, I married that douche???

 

Anyway, hugs. You'll get through. Just hang in there. Do what you can to give yourself peace. Everyone is different and gets peace differently. And for while it was hard for me to do anything that might. Because if I was alone or quiet, my mind would start. The anger and hurt would bubble up out of control.

[Orokotikki]

I strongly recommend "Survive her affair" by Kevin Jackson, you can find it on audio for free if you look hard enough. I listened to it 2-3 early on. It helped. It addresses somethings specific to men who were cheated on by their wife.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm so sorry .

[BaileyB]

I’m sorry. There is no easy way to deal with pain except to feel it and move through it. Just try to remember, this too shall pass... it always does. Take care.

[emotionallybroken9]

Thank you star and oro. This just came out of no where. I took a video for my daughter, then just got flooded with “9 months of selfies, conversations, and pictures that I’ve never received and the ones I was “lucky” enough to receive were after him, like an oh **** after thought.” Hurts to feel this cheap. An after thought. What a waste of my 7 years of always thinking about her.

 

I keep refreshing this page because it’s the first time I needed someone to be with me, and i was about to say “you don’t know how much I appreciate this,” but that’s dumb since, duh, you do.

 

It feels like my past is being erased. It hurts because we’re only separated and she says she wants to fight for it, so I’m stuck in this horrible limbo. Since she’s not here and I’m alone with my thoughts, I run about if distractions :’(

 

I’ll get that book and hopefully the reading will help. ****. This **** meant so much to me and it was all a lie. For so god damn long. So many fake memories. What a way to start My summer.

 

Edit: thank you bailey and CO. Your reminders help me. I just want it to pass. I don’t want to be in this limbo anymore. I’ve been in it for 7 ****ing years already :’( :’(

 

When is enough going to be enough!!!!

Edited June 28, 2019 by emotionallybroken9

[Orokotikki]

It sucks and its a ****ty time, but you will get through this and things will be better than they are now.

 

I was never the kind in a million years to hit the gym, but after the affair I found hitting the gym with some headphones really helpful. The physical exertion helps your brain too. You could do it at home too, but the gym is better imho.

[loversquarrel]

Take the time to mourn, you really need to be in a good state before you can decide on YOUR future. She may want to work on it, but really it's easy for her to say that. Think to yourself that there is no such thing as the "one" but rather many that can be good for you and even better than what you had. It sucks but try not to lose too much of your life for this, I had 14 years and not once have I looked back.

[emotionallybroken9]

Yeah, my brother has been a good support, as well as my bestie who’s in another country, IC, and my barber. Once this happened, it feels like I’m finding all these other people that have suffered betrayals and made it okay.

 

My brother has been taking me to jujutsu classes every day since they’ve left me. It’s an amazing distraction. I’ve also started taking advantage of message therapy. I’m getting in shape, and I’m cooking healthy only. But those nights that I’m not tired enough, or when that thought of loss comes, those get me as I can’t distract myself enough to snap out of it.

 

Today was a new one for me where I ended up just crying in the mall. Hurts to lose my sweet daughter as well. That relationship is gonna suffer damage that it didn’t need to. Ugh, sobriety really does make one hurt. I know it’ll pass, and your words are what I return to for strength. And boy do I seem to need it more often lately.

[mark clemson]

Sorry to hear it EB - I'm going to guess some of the advice I give people dealing with limerence might help you as well. Some were mentioned above. Suggestions are:

 

Distractions, time socializing with friends (boosts dopamine), time in nature (boosts serotonin), exercise/working out (boosts endogenous opiates).

 

Of course, none of this helps the main issue of the betrayal. The purpose is to help make it slightly easier to get through the time of emotionally processing the distress. Hope it's helpful...

[emotionallybroken9]

loversquarrel, it’s the betrayal that is destroying me. Had she just left because it was a ****ty marriage, I would’ve understood. But to see her love on him for so long and so hard, while it was the only thing I was missing and she knew it, that broke me in half. And that betrayal keep breaking me in half, and half, and half. I met her by accident, so I know there’s no “one.” Maybe it’s good that I worked on myself for so long to get to this point, but this stab was one that’s gonna take so long to heal. Thank you for your kind words. They’re giving me strength to climb up these 11 flights of stairs as the elevator is broken.

 

****ing carried two air conditioners last year for her when the elevators were broken, and she dared to call me complacent to her friend behind my back. She could’ve just left me then because she was starting her affair, but no, she tortured me for another 12 months before dealing this blow.

 

At least I know that I can be a strong single parent and role model should that time arise. I’m just trying to get out of this limbo she’s got me trapped in for another 7 months.

[Starswillshine]

That is really hard to have gotten hit with all of that. Especially in public. I didnt originally understand what you meant but now that I do.... I cried reading that. I know exactly what that feels like. It hurts so bad. Just gotta feel it. I am so sorry.

 

Yes, working out is good. If you like music.... drown yourself out while cooking. I really tried really hard to learn how to be completely present in everything. Nearly impossible but it has gotten better.

[DKT3]

I got a series of odd gifts from my wife, I mean some real head shakers. After it all came out, it was guilt. You see she had got those gifts for OM and somehow it made sense to her to get me the same things

 

I tell you this because like you wondering about the pictures, this really hit me pretty hard. Its been many years now and I still cant explain why it was such a huge blow for me.

 

Point being, you will simply have to let alot of it go, not explanation for why, what or how will ever be good enough.

[emotionallybroken9]

Distractions, time socializing with friends (boosts dopamine), time in nature (boosts serotonin), exercise/working out (boosts endogenous opiates).

 

Of course, none of this helps the main issue of the betrayal. The purpose is to help make it slightly easier to get through the time of emotionally processing the distress. Hope it's helpful...

 

What do I do when I've been doing those things every day since DDay It's these waves and memories that just insert themselves. I meditate as well, but time is the only thing to help... and it feels so so slow.

 

Heh, what I'd give to stop thinking about this when I don't want to. Thanks government >.>

[emotionallybroken9]

I got a series of odd gifts from my wife, I mean some real head shakers. After it all came out, it was guilt. You see she had got those gifts for OM and somehow it made sense to her to get me the same things

 

I tell you this because like you wondering about the pictures, this really hit me pretty hard. Its been many years now and I still cant explain why it was such a huge blow for me.

 

Point being, you will simply have to let alot of it go, not explanation for why, what or how will ever be good enough.

 

Yeah. I would have rathered to receive nothing that sloppy seconds. It's a sickening feeling. And she KNOWS this. No honor. The disrespect of me is another nice pi$$ to add to the **** sandwich she's been feeding me.

 

How did you just let go? This is spamming my mind randomly, and it goes away sure, but it comes back. I havent had a full breakdown yet... I'm so scared of where and when it'll happen. If i just started crying at the mall, what the hell will I do when I see my daughter in a month or two :'( This has been the longest month of my life

[DKT3]

I've been accused of being robotic in my ability to emotionally detach from people, so for me I just stopped. Anytime those thoughts popped into my head I would just think "I cant explain crazy" and move on.

 

Of course I'm not a robot so I still felt the emotions, I just didnt dwell on them.

[schlumpy]

I suggest you try to do something brand new that you always had an interest in but never found the time.

 

Have you ever wanted to drive a fast car on a track? I had a friend who actually got to drive a car at Daytona (he was quite proud) and it sure pulled him into another world for awhile. I can't remember what driving school it was but I know they exist.

 

Driving a fast car isn't of much interest to me but I will tell you what I do when I'm emotionally overwrought.

 

I get the lay-back lawn chair and I go to a dark site away from city lights. I put the lawn chair out and I look at the sky for a few hours. I see a few meteorites and can't help but think about how vast the universe is and how I'm less than a mote of dust. For me it brings perspective to whatever problem I'm wrestling with and lets me know where I am in the scheme of things.

 

Just a thought.

 

Best Wishes

[merrmeade]

You can count the days, you can lie down and binge watch tv series, you can go to therapy, you can talk to your spouse, to us, to friends it will still take 3-5 years.

 

You’ll get yourself back and be healthier with therapy. Good luck. Come back as often as you need to. Do what you need not to suffer. It just sucks.