Guys: Explain to me why wearing sexy clothes makes you mad

[preraph]

I hope you told him that the only woman on the planet he needs to make feel good about themselves as you and then he can best do that by stopping flirting with other women.

[snowcones]

@preraph...

 

 

Of course I did and he acted like he was totally shocked that I took it that way.

Edited September 9, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[crispytoast]

There's a big difference between classy and just plain sl@tty trashy too, and the latter is just a real turn off even in other women .

I had an ex who would sometimes walk around topless at festivals wearing long skirts and nothing beneath. Almost every man wanted to have sex with her, plenty of women called her a trashy sl*t behind her back. Personally I loved it, she was incredibly comfortable with her body, confident in her sexuality, and enjoyed it without a care for what anybody thought. And yes she was hyper sexual but I didn't care if she wandered around without me dressed like that, she was very loyal to me and I knew it so why should I care if she wants to feel so free? Lots of men made passes at her, even a lot of my "friends" (I learned a lot about friendship in those times) and she never strayed. In fact we were poly and she could've slept with other people but she never did.

 

If you treat your woman right and satisfy her needs she won't stray and being upset about her dressing "too sexy" is basically admitting that you aren't confident in your ability to satisfy her. Personally I think man who can't deal with their partner dressing however makes her feel sexy are pretty wack, they are teeming with insecurity and their insecurity becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Flirting is one of the main red flag personality traits of cheaters so unlikely to be totally "innocent".

 

My argument wasn't about whether they were innocent or not, but about how their partner responds to what they are doing, eg. feeling jealous, resentful, or embarrassed.

 

I guess I should have said it was the equivalent of having a boyfriend with extra large junk deliberately wearing really tight pants.

 

I just couldn't say that with a straight face.

[basil67]

snowcones, his comment about the dress was TOTALLY a flirt. It would be naive to believe otherwise.

[snowcones]

@basil67

 

It was, huh?! Azzhole.

 

I made such a stink that he volunteered to delete Facebook (I did not ask him to) and he did, but he's an azzhole anyway.

Edited September 9, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[loversquarrel]

I guess my wife and I are old school in the sense that she dresses to the 9s when we are out together and that's really the only time she does. In her words she looks forward to looking that way for me. When she goes to work she wears professional attire and when out with friends she looks really nice but with a much more casual appearance. It doesnt bother me at all but if she were to deviate from these well established habits it may cause me to take notice.

[schlumpy]

I'm not trying to be dumb here, I just want to understand fully. I am assuming that a guy might get upset if his woman is wearing something quite sexy/revealing/skimpy, etc, because other guys would be looking at her or lusting after her.

 

My answer is limited to me. If I was in a committed relationship with my SO and she insisted on wearing yoga pants. I would come to the conclusion that our relationship from her viewpoint, was on standby until something better came along.

[crispytoast]

My answer is limited to me. If I was in a committed relationship with my SO and she insisted on wearing yoga pants. I would come to the conclusion that our relationship from her viewpoint, was on standby until something better came along.

Really? If my SO insisted on wearing yoga pants, I'd be doing great things to that booty. She'd be excited to get home every night to find out what kind of special treatment she's gonna get. I guess different strokes for different folks.

[basil67]

And from a woman's POV, yoga pants = comfy. I am never ceased to be amazed at what behaviour some men apply to a bit of clothing.

[Foxhall]

I like sexy outfits.

 

 

lol I guess folk from my country are still a little more conservative than some of you here - well not all of them mind!

 

 

so Id feel it a little stressful probably if I was inviting my Hungarian friend (shes quite glamorous) to a wedding or something, because I would be aware my Parents/ Aunts/ Uncles generation might frown on this and so on,

[Betrayed&Stayed]

I'm not trying to be dumb here, I just want to understand fully. I am assuming that a guy might get upset if his woman is wearing something quite sexy/revealing/skimpy, etc.... but the question is aimed at guys who do care or guys who understand the reasoning behind it and can explain it to me.

 

Ok, I'll bite.

 

First, let's make the distinction between "classy" sexy and "revealing/skimpy" sexy. Revealing, Skimpy outfits would give me serious issues. A classic sexy dress or outfit would not.

 

The difference is one type of woman is looking for external validation, exuding low self-esteem, and reducing herself to a sex object. While the other is an expression of inherent beauty, confidence, and high self-worth. I view it as a red carpet outfit versus a porn star outfit.

 

For me, a woman that feels the need to display her body in that fashion is a person I'd rather not get involved with. It is a red flag for other personality, FOO, and insecurities that I'd rather not get involved with down the road. Too much drama.

 

Not to mention, when a woman is dressed in that manner - what type of man is she trying to attract?

[alphamale]

. I view it as a red carpet outfit versus a porn star outfit.

 

personally I don't see much difference, especially now a days

[Cali4Dude]

snowcones:

 

My .02 on this topic, which is interesting seeing people's responses and your background story on why you asked the question.

 

IMO a man should not expect to have any input really on how a woman dresses unless asked. How the woman dresses when you meet and start relationship is how you should assume she will dress and you just need to deal with it. I feel that it is not my place to tell her how to dress and yet she often asks my opinion on whether something is too much or appropriate for where we are going.

 

My current gf dresses in pretty revealing outfits (sports tank, yoga pants, short shorts) as she works out a lot. She gets a lot of attention in the form of staring from other men but she handles it really well and is constantly putting guys who hit on her in their place. I like the fact that she dresses very sexy and honestly I think it makes her more horny to know that men are lusting after her, which I then get to benefit from lol.

 

The only time I was somewhat annoyed was when we went to a nice resort and she wore a very skimpy thong bikini. Guys were blatantly leering at her and commenting and women were clearly giving her dirty looks due to the attention she was getting. It was more annoying all the attention as clearly everyone at the pool/resort area was staring, but as always she owned it.

[Michelle ma Belle]

This is very subjective. Every man is different.

 

Typically my partners have been "normal" in that they loved how I dressed and never had any input or issues with it inside or outside the bedroom.

 

I've only had one partner who was VERY opinionated on how I dressed. He often wanted me to dress in very revealing clothing when we went out and even went so far as to purchase my outfits including shoes and panties etc. He also wanted me to prance around in such a way that drew attention from other men. He got off on it all. It became too much to keep up with him and his demands not to mention that HIS way wasn't comfortable for ME or how I enjoyed dressing. I'm all about being sexy and dressing in such a way that fully embraces and celebrates my feminine power and curves but there is a classy way to do this and an unclassy way. I choose classy, always.

[snowboy91]

I can only assume the reason guys don't like it is because they're somewhat possessive and don't want competition from other guys.

 

To me it seems to come out of this view that the girl will choose whatever best option is there without any sense of commitment - ie. lack of trust.

 

It's my partner's decision on what she wears when we're out and about, but I like to encourage the "classy" sexy where I can - because when else can I appreciate her looking sexy? If other guys want to comment then that means I've got a good looking partner! If she decides to act on that then it's her decision. I'll be upset but I can't prevent her from doing that - I'm not her gatekeeper. The only way to alleviate the worry is to trust that she will do the right thing by our relationship - and in all of my relationships I mostly never had a reason not to trust my partner.

[BlondeSusane]

I had an ex who would sometimes walk around topless at festivals wearing long skirts and nothing beneath. Almost every man wanted to have sex with her, plenty of women called her a trashy sl*t behind her back. Personally I loved it, she was incredibly comfortable with her body, confident in her sexuality, and enjoyed it without a care for what anybody thought. And yes she was hyper sexual but I didn't care if she wandered around without me dressed like that, she was very loyal to me and I knew it so why should I care if she wants to feel so free? Lots of men made passes at her, even a lot of my "friends" (I learned a lot about friendship in those times) and she never strayed. In fact we were poly and she could've slept with other people but she never did.

 

If you treat your woman right and satisfy her needs she won't stray and being upset about her dressing "too sexy" is basically admitting that you aren't confident in your ability to satisfy her. Personally I think man who can't deal with their partner dressing however makes her feel sexy are pretty wack, they are teeming with insecurity and their insecurity becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I have wide hips and a big butt without being fat. I usually wore normal fitting jeans or snug fitting polyester pants in high school and my fist year of college. A lot of girls thought that I was trying to steal their boyfriends even though I was going steady in high school and engaged to in college (at the time) to my fiancé Roger. It's not my fault that I'm built the way I am.

[stillafool]

Because you have a wide hips and a big butt girls thought you were trying to steal their boyfriends? Wow, around here every girl seems to have a big butt and wide hips and they think the petite, skinny girls are trying to get their boyfriends. Women need to lighten up unless a woman directly hits on her man.

[Redhead14]

Sexiness is about more than clothing. It's also about the woman, herself. How she carries herself. How keeps herself -- her hair, her makeup. Her attitude and demeanor. Being able to be tasteful and identify the type of clothing style that works for her. Balancing "sexiness" with style. Sexy is different than trampy. Men like their women to look good, not like she is on the prowl.

[elaine567]

Men like their women to look good, not like she is on the prowl.

 

Yes ^^

He wants other men to see his beautiful gf and be jealous and to then see him as a top notch guy.

"He is one lucky man"

Huge ego boost for him.

 

He does not want his gf dressing "trampy" and like she is seeking out male attention and is looking to replace him, reducing his status in front of other guys.

"Hello boys, come and get me away from this loser..."

[major_merrick]

Not a guy, but I'll answer. Neither my husband or I get "mad" at our female partners, but we have some boundaries. I think that women wear revealing stuff for different reasons.

 

1. They want to show off to other women.

2. They want to show off to their partner.

3. They want to attract another partner.

4. Society tells them to, or it is a style they like.

 

 

My husband has a way of telling his wives that what they are wearing isn't appropriate. I'm never one of them, because I couldn't dress or act sexy if my life depended on it. But Wife #2 is young and flirty and sometimes needs some guidance. My husband just puts an arm around her, kisses her, and says "Howabout we save that outfit for in the house?" For him, it is a protective thing as well as a religious modesty thing.

 

 

I'm kind of protective of my GF#1, who dresses scantily for comfort. I'm not jealous, but I don't want her giving an impression she doesn't mean to give and then getting bothers by others for it. It also depends on her feelings that day since she's gender-fluid. Her more masculine clothes are fine, and she plays sports without a shirt in summer if she feels comfortable like that. She looks like a teenage boy, so it isn't an issue. When she's dressing in feminine clothes, she sometimes takes the sexy too far. Underwear that covers almost nothing, skirts that almost reveal everything...I end up quietly removing those from her wardrobe. I'm not worried about her finding someone else, but I also want her to understand that I love her no matter what and she doesn't have to show off for me.

[SumGuy]

I'm not trying to be dumb here, I just want to understand fully. I am assuming that a guy might get upset if his woman is wearing something quite sexy/revealing/skimpy, etc, because other guys would be looking at her or lusting after her. Is it other guys just looking at her, or is it that you think the other guys are going to try to talk to her and take her away from you, that upsets you?

....

Never had the situation myself but can say what would get me upset is if wearing the sexy clothes she gives off a vibe that may invite guys to hit on her and she wont shut them down or they won't take no for an answer.

It really depends on the venue. If it is a place where I may have to deal with a guy who has nothing to lose and wants to fight then it would upset me, don't need that.

Otherwise don't have much of a problem with it as long as it fits to where we are going.

[preraph]

And yet, even though sexy clothes make them mad, that's why they were attracted in the first place.

[basil67]

I like to walk around in my happy bubble, but this thread is leaving me horrified at the appalling, judgemental people in the world.

 

We have a woman wearing clothes in public and the responses, equally from men and women, include "tramp, sl@tty trashy, trashy sl@tty, looking for external validation, low self esteem, reducing herself to a sex object, porn star outfit, drama, trying to attract a man, on the prowl, trampy, other women shooting daggers at her... and for the piece de resistance: if a woman wears yoga pants apparently she's looking for another guy"

 

What is wrong with all these people who judge/label a woman who's wearing what she wants and minding her own business? Why would a woman shoot daggers at a woman who's skimpy dressed? It can only be due to her own insecurity. Her own lack of faith that she can keep a man. And the men....why do they think that what a woman wears is about how she is trying to relate to a guy? Guys, it's not all about you.

 

/end rant

Edited September 8, 2019 by basil67

[oldtruck]

understanding/reasoning for women dressing sexy it to look good for their man AND look good for other women...

 

alphamale, can you please explain a little bit more how this relates to the question?

 

no, I cannot

 

Because it is the plain simple to the point truth.