Dating is or is not a numbers game?

[Curiousroxy86]

When I hear the phrase “dating is a numbers game” I took that to mean in dating unless your lucky you will more than likely meet/date/enter into a relationship with a number of people that won’t work out until you find someone that will work out. I could be totally wrong about what that phrase really means and if so please let me know as well.

 

But my question is for those who disagree with the phrase. Some people disagree that it is not a numbers game or doesn’t have to be a numbers game and I would like to know that if you believe this then why do you think so?

[d0nnivain]

I think it is a numbers game in the sense that your odds of finding a good match increase as you are exposed to larger number of people.

 

Some folks do get lucky & meet their matches early on in life through school -- HS sweethearts for instance. Others happen to be in the right place at the right time. But you do have to make some effort. I always used to remind a shy friend of mine that she was never going to meet a man sitting at her mother's kitchen table. She met her husband when she went to a dance sponsored by her local ski club.

[FMW]

I agree with d0nnivain that meeting more people increases your chances of meeting someone special.

 

But - I also believe in divine timing - that things (including meeting someone important) happen when they are supposed to. That if someone is meant for you, you're not going to miss them simply because you're not out dating multiple times a week.

[Curiousroxy86]

I agree with d0nnivain that meeting more people increases your chances of meeting someone special.

 

But - I also believe in divine timing - that things (including meeting someone important) happen when they are supposed to. That if someone is meant for you, you're not going to miss them simply because you're not out dating multiple times a week.

 

Ah was it effort or was it fate?

 

I don’t know what I believe indefinitely regarding the two

 

There are people who put in effort to actually meet people and they eventually meet someone significant. Yet there are people who met there significant other and it was completely effortless.

 

The only thing I can think of personally is that sometimes its one or the other or both lol.

 

There were times where I was not looking and met someone significant and there were times where I was looking and met someone.

 

for those who actively look and found someone well they would not know if they had stopped looking they would still find someone eventually And those who didn’t look yet found someone would not know or perceive there needed to be effort when they got lucky. And technically one could argue that the person who found their significant other through effort was actually by fate behind the scenes. Effort was just a smoke screen.

 

Yet there are people who have been single for yeaaaaaars and you can easily see why. They are literally not trying. On the other hand I imagine there are people who are single for years and yet been trying (that would really suck btw).

 

So I would think it’s just safe for me to believe in both effort and fate. I don’t believe in the concept of “soul mates” though. I don’t believe there is one person out there for you and that only that one person will do. I do believe there are multiple people that are compatible for you. I just don’t think the “right people” are so super abundant to the point that you could be in a relationship three times in a row and they all worked out and the only reason your not together is because they died lol. So I believe in Multiple right people for a person but not necessarily easy to find/meet for too many reasons.

[littleblackheart]

Depends on your personality / age / stage in life, imo.

 

Either you don't mind meeting a lot of people to find a partner, or you prefer the 'whatever happens happens' approach.

 

You can mix and match too, I guess.

 

Mostly probably down to the stars aligning / right timing either way.

[d0nnivain]

Ah was it effort or was it fate?

 

It was both. It was fate that they both made the effort to go to the event.

 

I met my husband at a business card exchange because I made the effort to the event.

[crispytoast]

Never stop working on improving your life and the act of finding love will be effortless.

[basil67]

When I was young it certainly wasn't a numbers game. You'd be single and you'd meet someone who piqued your interest and start dating. I was wondering what has changed...but then I remember my 60yo neighbour who is recently single: he's found only two women online who interested him, they both responded. He dated one for a number of months and has quite an established relationship with the second. He's not rich and fairly average looking - but is very easy company.

 

All I can put it down to is that perhaps there are a lot more time wasters these days.

[Foxhall]

I suppose it is a numbers game to an extent,

 

 

perhaps being open to meeting people outside your own culture is also worth considering,

 

 

I would never have thought 10 to 15 years ago that I would get on so well with people from other cultures,

Mexicans, Hungarians, Malaysians and so on,

 

 

let the numbers take you outside the box so to speak.

[central]

It's not a numbers game if you belong to a culture with arranged marriage. Otherwise, it is - unless you are lucky early on, or settle too quickly (and are likely to rue it later).

[BaileyB]

Dating is a numbers game... but, there also has to be a fair bit of luck.

 

What’s that old saying - when opportunity meets luck = success.

[chillii]

Personally whenever l see that l just think it's ridiculous, aimless, it seems there's no picker or senses involved what so ever , most of those seem to just end up with burn out and a life of dozens silly little so called relationships

lf you wanna meet someone serious , it's about being very selective, not wasting your time on bs.

l mean you'll see a lot of people around sure but you'd have to be an idiot to need to date them all first to know anything.

When it's someone really worthwhile you know straight up, that's the one you get to know more.

[chillii]

Think of it like buying a car.

You usually know what sort of car you want and what suits you and your lifestyle, what you need, the sort of car you like if you don't you figure that out first.

You might need to drive a few , but you basically hone in on the type you want, find a good one, buy it.

There's no need to sleep with the whole car yard or spend wks or months with each car, you can pick that good one in a few minutes.

The other 2 or 3 of what you find will have problems so obviously you skip them and find that good one.

Edited July 1, 2019 by chillii

[Mysterio]

All my friends that I consider to be in successful relationships. Be it Marriage or long term. None of them were adavat daters. I am the one that keeps out casting lines and I don't get much at all.

 

I keep saying this observation. The women that are with my male friends. Those women put themselves into their field of vision and magic happened.

 

My successful relationships seem to lean toward friendships. Not love matches. When I try to do the love thing. There are always obstacles. She is married/EX-BF is still in her system. Separated/Lackluster.

 

I don't know about this numbers game thing. We have to define a successful relationship. My friend SA is separated from his wife. They made it 29 yrs. Were they not successful. I feel the more I meet women. The less I really think I can go long haul with.

 

More later.

[Mysterio]

Think of it like buying a car.

You usually know what sort of car you want and what suits you and your lifestyle, what you need, the sort of car you like if you don't you figure that out first.

You might need to drive a few , but you basically hone in on the type you want, find a good one, buy it.

There's no need to sleep with the whole car yard or spend wks or months with each car, you can pick that good one in a few minutes.

The other 2 or 3 of what you find will have problems so obviously you skip them and find that good one.

 

My cousin wants to have a Mclaren P1 supercar in out Winterish Canadian Environment. His pick on cars is impractical. Some of us just have bad luck.

This Numbers game thing is a joke. I do think there is too much aimless dating.

[central]

Think of it like buying a car.

You usually know what sort of car you want and what suits you and your lifestyle, what you need, the sort of car you like if you don't you figure that out first.

You might need to drive a few , but you basically hone in on the type you want, find a good one, buy it.

There's no need to sleep with the whole car yard or spend wks or months with each car, you can pick that good one in a few minutes.

The other 2 or 3 of what you find will have problems so obviously you skip them and find that good one.

 

That works fine for cars, but not people. Yes, you can have your list of criteria, but people don't come with spec sheets, so you can't know if they match, even if they say they are x, y, and z. You actually have to meet them, and perhaps date them for a while to see if they match. Sure, you can screen out the 95% who obviously don't match, but you may still have to date dozens or even hundreds to find one that actually IS a good match, and STAYS a good match over time. Choosing too quickly is often the same as choosing poorly.

[chillii]

My cousin wants to have a Mclaren P1 supercar in out Winterish Canadian Environment. His pick on cars is impractical. Some of us just have bad luck.

This Numbers game thing is a joke. I do think there is too much aimless dating.

 

 

Yeah l dunno , maybe it's just forums , like your other post no body l know in long term good marriages went out with heaps of people,

Matter of fact the ones l do know that did that are still single in their 50s.

l've always known they just don't use their pickers.

[chillii]

That works fine for cars, but not people. Yes, you can have your list of criteria, but people don't come with spec sheets, so you can't know if they match, even if they say they are x, y, and z. You actually have to meet them, and perhaps date them for a while to see if they match. Sure, you can screen out the 95% who obviously don't match, but you may still have to date dozens or even hundreds to find one that actually IS a good match, and STAYS a good match over time. Choosing too quickly is often the same as choosing poorly.

 

 

 

 

Yeah l know the theories round here and eh, each to their own l suppose whatever floats ya boat knock yaself out but nah, l think it's very similar actually soooo, don't agree at all, it's not my experience or others l know.

Edited July 1, 2019 by chillii
fix

[Curiousroxy86]

Depends on your personality / age / stage in life, imo.

 

Either you don't mind meeting a lot of people to find a partner, or you prefer the 'whatever happens happens' approach.

 

You can mix and match too, I guess.

 

Mostly probably down to the stars aligning / right timing either way.

 

Yea I would say I am doing both. I am open to dating but my approach truly is whatever happens happens lol. The most “effort” I put into it is having an online dating profile up and getting out the house lol.

[thefooloftheyear]

Really depends on how selective someone is....

 

TFY

[Curiousroxy86]

I loved chilis car analogy actually but I also agree with central as well

 

I think doing both is wise

 

You should know what your looking for and you should choose those who match what your looking for and not date those who don’t match as soon as they show you

 

Annnnnd

 

Whoever you picked to date/enter into a relationship you still have to get to know them to see if you should stay with them or take it further (marriage)

 

Me personably I have screwed myself on both counts lol. I have ignored red flags at the beginning and chosen wrong and I have chose seemingly wisely at the beginning but when they reveal they are not the one I have stayed way longer than I should.

 

So yea my focus would be to do both which is choose wisely at the beginning (as possible because there is only so much to go on for the first few months of dating) and once in the relationship as time goes on spending more time with this person and learning more about this person well I would continue to Choose whether it’s good to remain in that relationship

[Els]

I suppose it's technically not untrue, but in practice there are a lot of factors that would have a much higher impact on your odds of finding a compatible partner IMO. There are billions of people in the world, so a person who has dated 100 people has still dated less than 0.001% of the population, whereas a person who has only dated 5 people has also dated less than 0.001% of the population. It's not really a big statistical impact. Having a requirement that ousts 90% of the population, for instance, would instantly outweigh that by a huge amount.

 

This is not to say that people should not have requirements - of course you should - but just think about your requirements carefully. Does a particular requirement really affect whether or not your relationship with a person would turn out to be successful? Generally the answer is "yes" for things like compatible mindset/views, honesty/integrity, etc. And generally the answer is "no" for things like them having sex with you by the third date, or where they take you to on a date, or them being above a certain height or boob size. Attraction does matter, and most people do have a few "superficial" requirements that are solely based on attraction (I do too)... but if you have a long laundry list of superficial requirements that you need just to be attracted to someone (that are irrelevant to relationship success), you are significantly reducing your odds. (I don't mean "you" in particular, just a general "you".)

 

 

Of course, there's good ol' luck that plays a part, too.

[Gaeta]

It's a number game. You throw the dice till you get the right number. Sometimes you get it right away other times you have to throw them for a heck of a long time.

 

 

 

I met 200 men over 3,5 years before I met my boyfriend. A friend of mine met her husband 1 month after being online and he was the 3rd man she was meeting.

[OatsAndHall]

I certainly think it's a numbers game but one has to be careful not to let that aspect bite them in the a--. Multi dating can be a great thing as you're meeting more people and getting out there more. But, I don't do it much anymore as it backfired on me a few years ago.

 

 

I had two dates set up on a weekend. The first date was awesome; we clicked, had a lot of fun together and she asked if I wanted to meet up the next day. Unfortunately, the time frame didn't work out because of I had a day-long hiking date planned the next day. I tried to nail down a date with her that next week but she was busy with work and was going to be out of town the following weekend. Long story short, I went out on the date with the other woman the next day, it wasn't much fun and the woman that I was actually into did a slow fade and I never got to go out with her again.

 

 

 

Had I been smarter about it, I would have agreed to that date on the spot and cancelled with the other woman. BUT.. I was playing the numbers game and the second woman looked like a better prospect on paper. But, she absolutely wasn't and we didn't click.

[Curiousroxy86]

Had I been smarter about it, I would have agreed to that date on the spot and cancelled with the other woman. BUT.. I was playing the numbers game and the second woman looked like a better prospect on paper. But, she absolutely wasn't and we didn't click.

 

I don’t know...

 

Was the problem multi dating? Or was the problem the women you just so happened to set the dates with?

 

Because what I saw from that scenario was girl A did a slow fade in which (we won’t ever know of course) she could have did that anyway even if you did see her again the next day. Not like you was ignoring her. You set up dates and she was too busy to date you.

 

Girl b well y’all didn’t click. Think about if you wasn’t multi dating and you wasting time with girl b...

 

So I don’t know. I have yet to hear real cons on not to multi date before exclusivity yet lol.