littleblackheart Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 Surely it must have become clear by now I think about things and question, most people don't. Its easier to accept than question. You're cutting yourself far too much slack here, tbh. What makes you think you have more depth to you than 'most people'? I've not seen you post about anything other than your dating woes on LS for instance. Can you provide examples as to how much deeper you are than the rest of us? Your issue isn't your social skills (or lackthereof - that can be learned for those who are willing), it's your ego. Your lack of humility and willingness to question yourself (not the world) and act on it is your biggest barrier. That's my honest opinion. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 I have met models who tick no boxes at all and I wouldn't date irrespective of how physically attractive they are. That is irrelevant as they would likely not want to date you as is, sorry to say. There is something fundamentally wrong with your whole approach. Very few score "nil points" and if they do, then they do not question the world and how wrong it all is, they question themselves, change their approach or they refuse to change and still score "nil points" All golfers play golf slightly differently, but the basics are the same. Coaches teach the basics and then look at the result and fine tune. Their goal is to get a golfer to improve his technique, play to his strengths and weaknesses, try to change his mental attitude into that of a winner and overall try to improve his performance. They teach him the ability to play golf in all terrains and in all conditions, they do not need to walk him through hole by hole, golf course to golf course If those who play golf all had your attitude to coaching, then no-one would get a coach and no-one would improve past their self taught basics, apart from those with natural ability and the drive to improve. You are just not willing to put yourself under the scrutiny of a one to one coach, your fragile ego cannot be challenged in that way. You are therefore right and everyone else is wrong... the world needs to change... As the world will not change then it is not your fault, and you can be safe forever playing the victim... the world is so wrong and so cruel... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 If you are having dating issues' date=' I came across this site. Check it out http://bit.ly/2Jj9tQJ[/quote'] well that's an ironic piece of spam 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 Surely it must have become clear by now I think about things and question, most people don't. Its easier to accept than question. I'll throw this one out there for a time I considered if I wouldn't want a different sort of relationship, maybe a close none physical friendship but then I realised I have never had a girl "friend" so logically if I couldn't accomplish that then how am I to accomplish dating. I do believe there is a link between the two to some extent. Definitely not. Your posts are more often than not inconsistent and your arguments unclear. Furthermore you have a tendency to misinterpret, and fall back on what-about-ism. As a matter of fact (almost) all women are looking for the same thing - a good quality man. Someone whom meets and/or exceeds their expectations. Thus; the most important aspect on a first date would be to present yourself in such a way that she at least is curious about whether or not you are what she is looking for. When you present yourself as a special snowflake/a victim/ a “I think about things most others don’t”; your only hope is that she would consider dating you out of pity; especially when you keep going after girls whom are used to attention. In this particular case her comment about “we will see about relationship” is very problematic. Because it tells us that she knew she could have you. She knew. After one date. I don’t know if that’s because you told her - or because she simply assumed it..? My point is; you must have presented yourself as fairly low quality. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 (edited) Your extreme social awkwardness (in the dating context anyway) is a universal repellent. There’s nothing unique about that. I’m also very curious to know when (in what context of your convo) this lady told youn”we will see about relationship.” Edited July 8, 2019 by JuneL Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 8, 2019 Author Share Posted July 8, 2019 I’m also very curious to know when (in what context of your convo) this lady told youn”we will see about relationship.” Right after I kissed her. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 How long was the kiss? More than a few seconds? Did she kiss you back? She’s telling you as clear as crystal that she’s not interested romantically when you made a romantic move. That said, good job for going for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 8, 2019 Author Share Posted July 8, 2019 In this particular case her comment about “we will see about relationship” is very problematic. Because it tells us that she knew she could have you. She knew. After one date. I don’t know if that’s because you told her - or because she simply assumed it..? My point is; you must have presented yourself as fairly low quality. Not sure about this entire paragraph. Care to expand on this? Not sure how you arrive at low quality exactly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 8, 2019 Author Share Posted July 8, 2019 (edited) How long was the kiss? More than a few seconds? Did she kiss you back? She’s telling you as clear as crystal that she’s not interested romantically when you made a romantic move. That said, good job for going for it! She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, I hugged her back and kissed her properly. She smiled after so. She didn't really kiss me back so I suppose that's where I realised I'd probably been friend zoned, accept I ended up being ghosted. Either one kisses and it doesn't work or does kiss and it doesn't work. Who knows maybe she just wanted one night, maybe she wanted to go somewhere, maybe she wanted a post dinner drink. I don't know any of these things. None of this is really ideal because I have an event and some super elegant refined, nice, easy going, well spoken company would have been nice, so I go on my own but the perennial people who attend this event have never seen me with anyone so its just more of the same and more of the same questions I will have to answer as diplomatically as I can. Edited July 8, 2019 by ZA Dater Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 Who knows maybe she just wanted one night, maybe she wanted to go somewhere, maybe she wanted a post dinner drink. I don't know any of these things. Where did all this even come from, plus the “maybe she wanted a hookup” statement earlier? She met you and was not romantically attracted to you. As simple as that. You might think you had a pretty nice conversation, but people with a little class are not going to become rude just because they’re not romantically interested. I once had a similar experience with an inexperienced guy. He probably thought I was so nice to him on our first meet (a dinner). He would keep contacting me after that, even though I kept brushing him off politely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 8, 2019 Author Share Posted July 8, 2019 Where did all this even come from, plus the “maybe she wanted a hookup” statement earlier? She met you and was not romantically attracted to you. As simple as that. You might think you had a pretty nice conversation, but people with a little class are not going to become rude just because they’re not romantically interested. I once had a similar experience with an inexperienced guy. He probably thought I was so nice to him on our first meet (a dinner). He would keep contacting me after that, even though I kept brushing him off politely. It came from the fact our first text conversation was slightly suggestive on her part. Nobody said rude, just simply say "look I am not interested" I have had that often enough and I can fully respect those people and move back to the nothingness I have. There isn't really anyone else of interest at the moment and nobody interested in me so its again back to just that situation of nothing I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 But, you do understand that women encounter rude men all the time when they say just this thing, right? Men who do NOT encounter it graciously and then insult them, call them too picky, on their high horse....whatever..... So, from experience, most women choose to try the more subtle (you'd call it dishonest) approach. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 It came from the fact our first text conversation was slightly suggestive on her part. Nobody said rude, just simply say "look I am not interested" I have had that often enough and I can fully respect those people and move back to the nothingness I have. There isn't really anyone else of interest at the moment and nobody interested in me so its again back to just that situation of nothing I suppose. Huh? Did she not tell you “we’ll see about relationship” after you tried to kiss her?? If she was interested in a hookup, wouldn’t she have responded enthusiastically when you kissed her? She might be slightly suggestive in the first text; but for whatever reasons, she was not interested after meeting you. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 But, you do understand that women encounter rude men all the time when they say just this thing, right? Men who do NOT encounter it graciously and then insult them, call them too picky, on their high horse....whatever..... So, from experience, most women choose to try the more subtle (you'd call it dishonest) approach. Not just women. People, men and women, do that all the time. They’re just two almost strangers; no one owes anyone an explanation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 8, 2019 Author Share Posted July 8, 2019 Men who do NOT encounter it graciously and then insult them, call them too picky, on their high horse....whatever..... Yes and women go out with rude men all the time too. I however am not rude, that much is obvious to anyone who meets me. Measured probably sums me up best. Women choose the subtle approach because it suits them better I get it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 8, 2019 Author Share Posted July 8, 2019 She might be slightly suggestive in the first text; but for whatever reasons, she was not interested after meeting you. Story of my life really, what I like isn't interested, what I don't like is interested. Bit like going to a restaurant and finding it closed, you go to the nearest next one and yes its food but its not what you really want. Must be nice in a dating context to actually go out with people you want to go out with instead of deluding yourself that you want to actually go out with them. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 So you went on lots of first dates with women who didn’t wow you. Did you tell every single one clearly that I am not interested in you, please stop contacting me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 8, 2019 Author Share Posted July 8, 2019 So you went on lots of first dates with women who didn’t wow you. Did you tell every single one clearly that I am not interested in you, please stop contacting me. No I simply just made myself undesirable to them. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 Your extreme social awkwardness (in the dating context anyway) is a universal repellent. There’s nothing unique about that. I’m also very curious to know when (in what context of your convo) this lady told youn”we will see about relationship.” l was wondering about that too because it's not something someone says just in the door and after a light kiss . Did you ask her something about a poss' relationship za ? lf so , bit soon for that one. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 No I simply just made myself undesirable to them. See, things just frizzled out in such situations. I’m sure some of these women who were inexperienced were crying to their friends why the guy couldn’t be honest with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 8, 2019 Author Share Posted July 8, 2019 See, things just frizzled out in such situations. I’m sure some of these women who were inexperienced were crying to their friends why the guy couldn’t be honest with them. No, I simply told them I don't have time to date. Which in to some extent true anyway. Most of these women were looking for a gateway to a better life and a change of circumstance. The fact is pretty much none wanted anything to do with me after one date, many presented no challenge intellectually, there was no connection at all. Not to mention there was nothing in common either. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 ZA You keep asking for honesty from your date and you certainly are honest about what you are looking for. My experience has always been, as has been repeated in the forum by other posters, that women want to be subtle. I had to go through a learning period of understanding the signals and then I was Ok. You feel that's dishonest which I think you can make an argument for. After all, what is one of the main desires of women when they talk about relationships: honesty. In reality, it's rarely practiced but it does remain an ideal. How much honesty do you want? If your date says I like you but I won't date you again until you get your nose fixed. Would that be honest enough? What if she was aghast over your lack of knowledge of Greek Mythology and demanded you read a few books before calling her again? Would you find this offensive even if she was being honest? Go back to your profile and change it to reflect the level of honesty you expect from the person who responds to it. List books, subjects and current events they must understand so that they can rise to the level of intellectual intimacy that you require. Be as direct and upfront as you expect your future date to be. Best Wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 8, 2019 Author Share Posted July 8, 2019 ZA Go back to your profile and change it to reflect the level of honesty you expect from the person who responds to it. List books, subjects and current events they must understand so that they can rise to the level of intellectual intimacy that you require. Be as direct and upfront as you expect your future date to be. Best Wishes I don't get offended, nothing anyone can say to me will offend me. I make that pretty obvious to most people I meet, I am very upfront in the way I deal with people. Fact is if I listed everything I wanted on a tinder profile I'd get no matches at all. Why when there is some fun dude they can go out with and have fun with later would they want someone like me? In short they wouldn't. I keep trying and trying to mould myself into something someone I like might like considering the inherent limitations of this. Basically I am being forced to consider the more sleazy way of dating because nothing I do is bringing any decent results. Better pictures: still getting the same matches Funny profile: still getting the same matches I go out, try and learn but honestly the traits which make other guys successful are not ones which work with my personality which is a fundamental issue. Basically each day I just live the day knowing I have a purpose of sorts its just to be alone in that. Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 Not sure about this entire paragraph. Care to expand on this? Not sure how you arrive at low quality exactly. In her eyes you were of “lower quality”. Had she respected you as an equal, she would never have said it like that. Like she knew that the decision was completely hers. Did you tell her about your relationship/dating history? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 8, 2019 Author Share Posted July 8, 2019 Did you tell her about your relationship/dating history? No I did not. Link to post Share on other sites
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