I think I made an ass of myself

[FMW]

Maybe he needed you to show more interest by engaging him in conversation - like "Thanks for coming over, what do you think is wrong with my mower? By the way, my name is Fair."

 

Maybe he has his own anxiety issues, or is shy, or just generally not socially skilled. Coming over might have been a big move for him and he needed more encouragement from you.

 

It sounds like you're not willing or able to do that though so this probably isn't going to go anywhere.

 

Personally I think it would be awkward to date a neighbor, you see when they are home or not, when they have visitors, etc. Way too much opportunity to draw wrong conclusions.

[alphamale]

Maybe he has his own anxiety issues, or is shy, or just generally not socially skilled.

 

or all three?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

The wife worries about "hooligans hiding in it" if it gets too tall.

 

:lmao: That's adorable.

[LuckyM]

To quote Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing.

 

wishful thinking.

[JuneL]

 

As a side note, the elderly couple (next door to me) always bring me apples after I trim the oleander hedge that is on the line. It is their way of saying "thank you" for keeping it trimmed to an acceptable height. The wife worries about "hooligans hiding in it" if it gets too tall.

 

^^^ This.

 

It’s actually a little rude to not thank him for his help. If you don’t want to be too explicit, you can bake a big batch and give some to another neighbor as well.

[preraph]

You didn't do anything odd. What he did was kind of odd. I must say, by your description, he seems petrified of you. haha. Next time you see him out, offer him to come over and sit on the porch for a beer. Don't ask him in. Say "I owe you a beer for fixing my mower." Introduce yourself, tell him to sit down even if it's only on a step.

[Shining One]

I think we play it too safe. Give up chances at happiness perhaps out of fear.

Have you considered that you're playing it too safe?

[Shining One]

A very similar situation happened with me years ago. I was walking from my condo to my car when I ran into one of my neighbors, visibly upset. I hadn't interacted with her much before. I asked her what was wrong and she told me her computer broke and she lost all her pictures. I offered to take a look at it. I spent a few minutes taking it apart, removing the hard drive, and transferring her pictures to a flash drive. She was very happy. The following weekend, she knocked on my door and handed me a tray of banana bread.

 

There was no romantic interest on either side, we were both in relationships. I was being a good neighbor and so was she.

[The Outlaw]

He could be every bit as shy/anxious as you are. But if you want to break the ice with him, you're just going to have to take a deep breath and step outside of your comfort zone and go for it. Engage him in simple conversation. Say hello every time you see him. Wave. Smile. He could be into you as well but you'll never know unless you take that step if he won't. Should he seem disinterested, you gave it your best shot. That's all any of us can do is try.

[Cersei]

[quote=Fair;7819562

Maybe it's different in the states vs. Canada, but up here we just say thanks... we don't show up bearing gifts as a way of saying it. If I did that I might well scare him because it's over and above what's expected around here.

 

 

FALSE! I am Canadian and I for sure would need to do more than a simple thanks. Do you know how many Timmie's gift cards I have stuffed down people's shirts and ran away because that is just what you do?!

 

I don't think you have messed anything up but you do need to be a bit more assertive and go after what you want before someone else does. I never sit back and wait for a man to come to me. They need to know you are interested at the bare minimum.

 

Happy Canada Day! (And go for it.)

[OpenBook]

This guy knows how to fix things.. That's one of the sexiest skills a man can have. Why would you let that slip through your fingers?

 

Personally, I'd take his good deed as an opening to return the favor. Even if baking isn't your strong point, I'd make an exception, or at least find some way to let him know you appreciated what he did for you.

 

OMG Fair, no you didn't make an @ss of yourself... you're just letting a golden opportunity pass you by.

 

Here in the South, we would NEVER let anyone get away with doing such a kind thing without some form of thanks or attempt at reciprocation.

 

Don't look at it as hitting on him or getting to know him better. Look at it as being neighborly. He has bent over backwards to get your attention without scaring you. Indicating that he has thought this through --> The time a man spends on ANYTHING is priceless. He's cute! He's proximate! You're attracted! There's nothing wrong with this picture!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Have you considered that you're playing it too safe?

 

Exactly!

 

And, to echo what @OpenBook said, I think a tangible thank you is in order here, romantic interest or not. You don't have to bake cookies/brownies (I don't bake either), but maybe a gift card to Lowe's for his trouble.

[Fair]

You didn't do anything odd. What he did was kind of odd. I must say, by your description, he seems petrified of you. haha. Next time you see him out, offer him to come over and sit on the porch for a beer. Don't ask him in. Say "I owe you a beer for fixing my mower." Introduce yourself, tell him to sit down even if it's only on a step.

 

I just felt so awkward I imagined I looked socially inept.

But what you say here is right on the mark. He seemed petrified or something. But my thought was that he knows about my panic/anxiety from our small town gossips and was trying not to do anything to startle me or raise my anxiety. That was the only explanation I could come up with because he certainly didn't seem to be acting naturally.

 

Thanks for pointing this out.

[Fair]

Have you considered that you're playing it too safe?

 

Yes.

 

However... I came out of the interaction not feeling even remotely confident that he even wants to talk to me again. Parked my lawn mower back in the drive and left once he was done fixing it... not even a hello, your lawn mower is ready to use.

[Fair]

FALSE! I am Canadian and I for sure would need to do more than a simple thanks. Do you know how many Timmie's gift cards I have stuffed down people's shirts and ran away because that is just what you do?!

 

Hello fellow Canadian.

 

I had to laugh at your story though because this is typical... in my experience you have to do just that, force the gift on the Canadian and run otherwise they won't take it. They just get embarrassed. lol.

[loversquarrel]

You did not make an ass of yourself. That being said...yes you are effing up. All that you need to do is simply walk over to his house and say thank you. Let that be your ice breaker, then start in with a conversation. Simple as that, no need to overthink it and definitely no need to ignore it, especially if you feel the way you do. Maybe he's one of those guys where you have to make it painfully obvious that you would like to get to know him better. Some guys are like that, you have to practically hit him with a 2x4.

[alphamale]

Some guys are like that, you have to practically hit him with a 2x4.

 

that's true loversquarrel

[preraph]

Make real sure you know he's not married or something before you go over to his house. I wouldn't go over there. What I would do is wait until I saw him outside and walk over there and just say I just wanted to say thank you for fixing my mower, it's so much easier to use now. Then at some point you could just offer him a beer when you're both outside.

 

If he does know something about your anxiety, then that might explain why he seemed petrified of you, but not too many guys would care too much about that. It was a nice gesture what he did. So next time you see him outside, say hi and thank you. If you see him in the car or you're in the car wave at him. You don't have to do anything overt. just reward him for fixing your mower by being happy and grateful. Don't assume it's romantic but if he's single don't rule it out. I've certainly had neighbors helped me and it wasn't because it was romantic. But since it seems like you're both single, no reason it might not be.

[Fair]

@preraph

 

He's definitely single. Everyone knows everything about everyone around here. Never been married, no kids like me.

[preraph]

Well, then you are cleared for landing!

[amaysngrace]

He probably wanted to stop the noise. Nothing sounds worse than a lawnmower that needs the carburetor cleaned.

 

Why didn’t you sit outside on your porch or ask him what’s wrong with it or something? He could’ve showed you how to fix it for next time.

[Fair]

He probably wanted to stop the noise. Nothing sounds worse than a lawnmower that needs the carburetor cleaned.

 

Why didn’t you sit outside on your porch or ask him what’s wrong with it or something? He could’ve showed you how to fix it for next time.

 

It wasn't even as loud as a normal working lawn mower... sluggish.

 

Why is it so impossible to think he might have some interest in me or that if nothing else, he's just a nice guy?? Which he is.

 

 

I'll give him more attention if he shows he wants more. That's really all I have to say to this, now.

 

Thanks again, everyone.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Why is it so impossible to think he might have some interest in me or that if nothing else, he's just a nice guy?? Which he is.

 

I don't think that's impossible at all. And just in case, show appreciation!

[amaysngrace]

Why is it so impossible to think he might have some interest in me or that if nothing else, he's just a nice guy?? Which he is.

 

I don’t think that. He might be interested but a labored motor sounds horrible.

[preraph]

He could certainly be interested. Let's just assume for argument's sake that he's merely neutral. He's a man and you're a woman, and just being smiling and friendly to him could make him interested even if he is just neutral.