Humber115 Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 Me and the ex girlfriend had been together for 7 great months. She had massive trust issues and accused me of things I hadn't done. We broke up but then where on and off for months and finally ended in jan. I decided to give her 30 days no contact. I got back in touch and got abuse but she was up to meet for a chat but before I could arrange a date I see her hand in hand with her new man. It broke my heart as I really love her and thought we where ment to be. 3 months later they have broken up. Do I try again with her or walk away?she's and amazing girl and I love her but she has been awful and always blamed me for everything even stuff she made up! Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 My opinion - she sounds like a trainwreck. Walk away. Beautiful, alluring trainwrecks have a tendency to make trainwrecks out of the men in their lives, too. Walk away and don't look back. Focus on someone emotionally healthy... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 1, 2019 Share Posted July 1, 2019 she's and amazing girl and I love her but she has been awful and always blamed me for everything even stuff she made up! These two bolded phrases do not jive. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 If she's accusing you of things you haven't done, just walk away. It's not going to do you any good to pine over someone that just doesn't feel the same way. And even if you got back together, things won't change. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 Think of how dramatic and inconsistent the relationship was and it barely had time to get out of the honeymoon phase. These things only usually get worse. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 I don't think you were in love with her. I think you are in love with who you hoped she would be. She isn't ever going to be that person. People don't change to become to another person hopes they are. Just accept that this isn't who you hoped she was and that she never will be. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fly_again Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 You can't fix other people's life, it's not your job. She sounds extremely insecure and childish. Cut off contact and give yourself time to heal. It's possible that she'll contact you again once her new toy won't give her what she wants or if she needs attention, but don't play her game. Also, never use NC to fix relationships, it's a tool for you to move on (with a help to taking back some power and focus on your own stuff) and build yourself up again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Humber115 Posted July 2, 2019 Author Share Posted July 2, 2019 Thanks for the replies. I had really fallen for this girl and thought it was my 2nd chance after my divorce. We where perfect at the start and started to think wedding bells one day wasn't impossible. She even told me she wished I was the farther to her daughter as I was so good with her. She was also amazing with my two kids. Will admit I lied over a gift I bought for her birthday but nothing too bad but from that day on she then thought I lied about everything. Called me all sorts of names and blamed me for the break up. We got back together 6-7 times but the trust issue came back everytime. Making up friends who said I'd been up to no good behind her back. When I should proof I had been layal and not looked at anyone she admitted making it up to go me to admit but obviously I couldn't as I hadn't done anything. But for some reason I still wanted her I think a lot is down to knowing if the trust problem wasn't there we would be perfect. I will be honest her jumping into a new relationship weeks after telling me she still loved me broke me more than I thought possible. Just feel left empty and broken and confidence and trust is now rock bottom Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 Ah now this makes more sense. I’m guessing there wasn’t a lot of time between your divorce and you starting with this woman. Sounds like you were future faking with her because it helped soothe the pain of your divorce. Regardless, big mistake letting the kids get involved this early on. They shouldn’t be mixed in until things are more established over the course of maybe closer to a year. And that’s for stable relationships, which this definitely was not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 ^ I agree. And yes, the kids are the real victims. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Humber115 Posted July 2, 2019 Author Share Posted July 2, 2019 Very true but my divorce was a relief in the end. I met the ex gf a while after and she just wanted friends due to the divorce which was fine and that's how the kids met. We where friends for about 6-8 months before things moved on. Mine never knew we where dating as they only live with me half the time. Her daughter was used to her mother dating so not too much of explaining to her. we kept showing affection away from the kids. The ex gf really struggled with the ex wife situation. Thought because I didn't want anymore kids was down to me then being stuck and not able to leave my relationship with her to go back to the ex wife. I told her dozens of times my ex wife was and never would be a threat and I won't be going back! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 You thought she was your second chance so you elevated her more then she or the fledging relationship deserved. You got invested. No matter how much time passed after your divorce she was your real rebound. You wanted a relationship. She was there. You poured everything into her even though she was really bad for you. Take a breather. Figure out who you are as a single parent & what you want out of life. Then go get it but build gradually. Don't just accept bad behavior because you are afraid to be alone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
emeraldgreen Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 Me and the ex girlfriend had been together for 7 great months. She had massive trust issues and accused me of things I hadn't done. We broke up but then where on and off for months and finally ended in jan. I decided to give her 30 days no contact. I got back in touch and got abuse but she was up to meet for a chat but before I could arrange a date I see her hand in hand with her new man. It broke my heart as I really love her and thought we where ment to be. 3 months later they have broken up. Do I try again with her or walk away?she's and amazing girl and I love her but she has been awful and always blamed me for everything even stuff she made up! The first and last bold points are at odds with everything in between. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 There is no future with this woman, OP. You would be foolish to go back for more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 She will inevitably destroy you. She will make you end up actually believing that you are at fault for everything when you're not. If she has been with someone else since then she cant hold much regard for you. Stay well away for your own sanity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Humber115 Posted July 3, 2019 Author Share Posted July 3, 2019 Thanks again for the wonderful comments. I agree not wanting to be alone is a huge part of the way I'm feeling. At the start I wanted to be with her but never thought it would happen so settled for friends but things developed and I was shocked. I did throw everything into the relationship and more but she did too and thought it was going to work. She was very clever to pass 100% onto me "remember this is all your fault I did nothing" was her favourite saying!and after a while I started to believe her. I know what everyone says is true and I need to keep away but I still love the girl I've tried not to but can't. I know we will never get back together or I would of heard from her by now. She really was everything I wanted and more but obviously I didn't mean the same because she wouldn't of slept with someone and started a relationship weeks after me. It's been 5 months for me and I've been with nobody as I know it wouldn't be right as my heart is still in love with her. At least I know I was genuinely in love unlike her Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 Your feelings don't really mirror the reality of the situation. If you truly feel she was everything you wanted in a woman, then you need to take a break from dating and do a deep-dive analysis of yourself and why basic respect from a partner is not a must for you. I think you were really just eager to be paired up again and you let that override some pretty clear red flags. That's not love. That's being co-dependent, and healthy relationships are tough, if not impossible when there's co-dependency present. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 (edited) Me and the ex girlfriend had been together for 7 great months. She had massive trust issues and accused me of things I hadn't done. We broke up but then where on and off for months and finally ended in jan. I decided to give her 30 days no contact. I got back in touch and got abuse but she was up to meet for a chat but before I could arrange a date I see her hand in hand with her new man. It broke my heart as I really love her and thought we where ment to be. 3 months later they have broken up. Do I try again with her or walk away?she's and amazing girl and I love her but she has been awful and always blamed me for everything even stuff she made up! She can't be amazing if she's spending the whole relationship questioning your loyalty and blaming you for everything. Even if you lied about that gift, communication and some time would have healed that. There is forward momentum in a healthy relationship and it goes at a patient pace. It's full of communication, trust, loyalty etc. People who are committed to a future, work at it. In this relationship with your ex, there is resentment, blame, anger, miscommunication etc. and it's all directed at you. She's just not a good partner. I had really fallen for this girl and thought it was my 2nd chance after my divorce. You fell for her not because of who she is but for whom you needed her to be; an escape from the pain of your divorce. This is what's motivating your commitment to her. This is not love. This is you running away from your pain. If you're seeing things clearly, you'll realize she's not a very good person for you and more importantly, you shouldn't reintroduce an unstable relationship like that to your kids. You shouldn't try again with her. Furthermore, using someone to quiet the pain you feel from your divorce, means you're not ready to date yet. You'll need some time on your own to get comfortable and secure by yourself, before you date again. I suggest not dating for atleast another year. Stay strong - Beach Edited July 4, 2019 by Beachead 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Humber115 Posted July 4, 2019 Author Share Posted July 4, 2019 Looking back I should of smelt a rat. We had been dating for a few months and I asked to change our relationship status so I could proudly tell the world its official. She refused using the fact she had so many failed relationships in the past and didnt want people laughing if it went wrong with us! I tried several times again and answer was always no! When she got with him she changed her status 2 weeks into it and change her profile picture to one of them. This was something very small but very significant! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 5, 2019 Share Posted July 5, 2019 OP, you are still in denial about who this woman really is. You say she is everything you ever wanted. I find that incredibly hard to believe, given all the negative behaviour you describe. You seem to be projecting an awful lot of hope on who you wanted to her to be, but not who she actually is. Be very careful not to build up a fantasy in your mind next time, which clouds your judgement and skews your perception of what is truthfully a very toxic situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Humber115 Posted July 5, 2019 Author Share Posted July 5, 2019 True and that's one reason why I am worried about the next relationship if I choose to have one one day. I bumped into the ex today! She blames her now ex bf for everything and he "like me is a narcissist"! What a load of **** this has proven if anyone is a narcissist it's her. Again non of it was her fault and she's had the worst month of her life! What a train wreck of a girl shame because apart from this trust issues she would be a nice girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Humber115 Posted July 8, 2019 Author Share Posted July 8, 2019 We I stupidly messaged her today! Wish I hadn't and just listened to everyone. I was told that she loved him more than me and she hadn't thought about me once since the break up. She is devistated he's broken up with him and I'm just a big liar who's got nothing! I'm glad to hear this in an odd way as it proves she's not worth the worry or hurt I've been feeling. I can now see she's evil and will be alone and jumping from man to man for the rest of her life. So anyone going through similar to me stay away from your ex. They are in the past and don't ever go back Link to post Share on other sites
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