Never date younger guy?!

[cendulka]

Hello everyone,

 

English isn't my native language sorry for that. On Tinder I met 22 y.o. Erasmus guy from Portugal. In the beginning he was just fun to me and way to practice English because of his age. I'm 26 y.o.But we started to spend every single day together, travel, simply doing everything together. He even went for my tennis match from his own initiative and met my family. Since that moment things got more serious for me. When I was leaving for vacation we had a talk about our future. He even told me that he wants to try long distance relationship and he could find a job over summer here. So I truly believed he wants something more. After vacation we met again, it seemed to be awkward. Suddenly he told me he's been chatting with some French Erasmus girl in Porto who had met when he was going back for a week (we didn't know each other before). He really likes her and wants to be with her (he will meet just for one day before she go back to France). I was shocked, felt betrayed and so angry. He knew from beginning he will end for us like this. He let me hurt anyway, said all things which gave me hope. I'm not usually a naive person, for me these were signs he wants to be with me. I was ready to build something with me when we finish our uni. I couldn't believe out of nowhere he changed his mind he defended his behavior that he didn't know he will meet her again. I guess otherwise I would be his second option, so disgusting...How he could just throw away our relationship so quickly and want to start a new one with a girl who barely knows. I'm still thinking why he did what's wrong with me (most of time this happens to me - I'm replaced my another girl) . It hit my self confidence. I also feel that I was just his companion all the time, he didn't have any feelings for me. Loosing him isn't that big deal for me but the trust yes which will affect in future. I'm starting to lose hope to find somebody normal.

 

I would love to hear your opinion on this. Possibly from man side if they think his behavior was okay if they've done something similar. How you would deal with this.

 

Thank you

[ExpatInItaly]

Before I comment further, how long did you actually date?

 

You say he threw away your relationship, but I am not clear if you two were officially together or not.

[cendulka]

We were together for 3 months, it wasn't long. He met her just for one week. I think we were because he told me he wants to be with me one week after he changed his mind. I was really confused.

[stillafool]

I don't see a problem with dating younger men but a 22 year old man isn't looking to settle down with anyone. They want to have sex with as many girls as they can get at that age.

[RecentChange]

People are individuals - you say “never date a younger guy”

 

Well, when I was 24 I dated a 22 year old. He was a younger guy.

 

And you know what? 6 months after we met we moved in together - and have been together for over 18 years now. So sometimes dating a younger guy works out just fine.

 

You can’t generalize and say “never” based off of one experience.

 

Sure, are young guys more likely to not want to settle down? You bet.

 

The older you get, the less age will matter. Dating 22 year olds I would say is usually short lived, because people are still figuring out what they want - they are only a few years into adulthood.

[preraph]

This guy is just saying whatever it took to sleep with you because that's all he really wants. He's young and going to go around lying and flattering as many women as he meets so he can sleep with them. He is anyone to cry over because he is just an immature guy doing what immature guys do. Forget about him!

[d0nnivain]

I'm a woman.

 

Young men want to be footloose & fancy free. People on Tinder are flaky; they prefer hit it & quit it. It's not a good platform for lasting relationships.

 

Younger is OK; young can be troublesome.

[Mrin]

Dude here. Let me give everyone the biggest benefit of the doubt and turn this story around. Let me know how it lands for you.

 

You met Mr. A on Tinder. You guys hit it off. Mr. A was a really fun guy to be around and was very generous and caring. You liked him. Hey, you even went to meet his family - which was sweet of you. You started to think about having a relationship with Mr. A. I mean, it would be long distance but it would work. You dated for a few months. But you met this other guy, Mr. B... this tall dark and mysterious man. You just chatted with Mr. B. but man, you could cut the chemistry with a knife. Something inside of you just lit up like a Christmas tree every time you talked to Mr. B. Your every waking moment is filled with thoughts of him, not Mr. A, the guy you're dating. Mr. A is great. I mean, any woman would be lucky to have Mr. A. But Mr. B... holy smokes! You're just drawn to him like a moth to a flame. You feel guilty because you're thinking about Mr. B even when you are with/talking to Mr. A. You can't get Mr. B out of your head.

 

You know that you can't stay with Mr. A. It wouldn't be fair to him. It wouldn't be fair to you. So you tell Mr. A that you've met Mr. B. and just want to be with him. You feel bad about ditching Mr. A but hey, you've only been dating a few months and it isn't like you made any promises or commitments to him. You just know you have to let Mr. A go and see where things go with Mr. B. So you make it quick, straight forward and cut things off.

 

Now... see how that explains things? And see how you aren't really less that the other woman? It is just that the other woman caught his desire. And trust me, at the stage you were at the only thing holding you and that guy together was his desire for you and your desire for him. When one of those goes.... everything goes.

 

Hope this helps!

 

Mrin