Glovesoff Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 I loved my wife with all my heart. We have been married for 7 years. We have 3 wonderful children together. This last year has been a pretty hectic one. The wife cheated on me with a so called friend and she thought she was pregnant with his child. I was devastated about the news. I finally asked how long it had been going on for. She said that it was only the once. I asked her if we could fix this. She said that she wasn't sure. That she needed time to think. A few days later she comes to me and she says that she thinks she is polyamorous. It kind of made me mad. I packed my bags and the kids bags and I left I didn't say where I was going or how long I was going for. I took the kids to visit family. I came back 3 days later. I said that I would like to forget about all of it. She said that she wanted a trial seperation to get back our spark. I didnt like the idea but agreed to it. I found my own place to live and she did the same thing.e it didn't take long before she was hooking up with the same guy. They started a relationship. The ex and I have still been having sex. The other week she tells me that she is pregnant, and that she is not sure who the dad is. (I had a vasectomy 5 years ago)(I have heard stories of vasectomies reversing themselves years down the track). I love her dearly but I am not sure how our kids are going to take the news that their mother is in a new relationship let alone that she is pregnant to the new guy just 3 months into their relationship. We have been separated for 4 months and the kids don't really know. They are too young to understand. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 You should pick your dignity up off the floor and leave this woman who does not want you anymore . 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 Make 2-3 appointments TODAY with divorce lawyers for THIS WEEK. Make another appointment for THIS WEEK with a therapist. Expose the affair to her family and yours (this is incredibly important for (1)you to have your own support, (2)to pop the fantasy bubble, and (3) head off future lies she may spread about you to hide her shameful doings). I too have had a wife who cheated. For there to be any chance to save your marriage (and for it to be worth saving) you MUST be willing to end the marriage and SHOW this through actions. I also recommend Survive her Affair by Kevin Jackson. Act on these today! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 What you're both doing is setting a bad example for the kids, her more than you, but right now you're showing them something they will one day understand, that you put up with this behavior. Show them that people need to have boundaries and things they will accept and that this isn't acceptable and that there are consequences for it, and leave. I know it's not easy to just get ready emotionally to do it, but she's really dragging the family through the mud right now. Get joint custody so you can have the kids 3 and a half days a week and have time for a life when you don't have them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 What should I do? Run don't walk to a lawyer. Make sure you get a paternity test & an STD test. Do what you have to do to protect & love your kids but understand mommy is bad news no matter how much you love her. She thinks life is all about fun with no responsibility. She will get bored of new guy soon enough, probably shortly after the diapers & sleep deprivation resumes. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 Be more concerned that you are so weak willed that you allow your wife to walk all over you and treat you like dirt and you thank her and ask for more. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 Do what's best for you and your children and leave her. Don't put up with it because whatever 'spark' you may have had is very likely long gone. Cheating is cheating and to me, there is NO turning back. Once you cheat, any trust is gone. For good. Cut your losses and let her go. Show her the door. These are the consequences of her actions and now she has to live with it. But if you should ever reconcile with her, there's always going to be a chance she'll just cheat again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 Glovesoff: Remember Christian Bale's Batman versus the Joker? Batman confronts the Joker, there is a fight and Joker goes out the window. Batman pulls out one of his gadgets and shoots a rope out that keeps the Joker from falling to his death. Joker is swinging back forth a thousand feet above the ground laughing like a maniac. "I knew you couldn't do it. We need each other. You couldn't let me die," he tittered. You can see in the Batman's face a struggle going on but he pulls the joker up and saves his life because he is a "nice guy." You are the Batman. That shrieking lump of flesh on the end of rope is your wife. Don't do what the Batman did. Don't be the nice guy. CUT THE ROPE! Best Wishes Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 She said that she wanted a trial seperation to get back our spark. Ack! Never fall for this... I love her dearly but I am not sure how our kids are going to take the news that their mother is in a new relationship let alone that she is pregnant to the new guy just 3 months into their relationship. We have been separated for 4 months and the kids don't really know. They are too young to understand. I'm late 40's and *I* don't understand. Pregnant after 3 months? She'd better hope he really is the guy she seems to think he is. Or she may find herself tossed to the curb, esp. if it's not his child. You have my sympathy for ending up with someone capable of making such poor decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
Monty4321 Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 "I asked her if we could fix this." This was your first mistake. In her eyes it made you look spineless. "She said that she wasn't sure. That she needed time to think." Her response is proof that she viewed you as weak. Instead of being the one making a decision (as the one who was disrespected) you gave her the power. "A few days later she comes to me and she says that she thinks she is polyamorous." This is more disrespect. "It kind of made me mad." I'm not sure why you were only kind of mad. "I said that I would like to forget about all of it. In her mind that statement was the icing on the cake in terms of her loosing more respect for you. This was your next opportunity to be stern in holding her accountable by being stern . "She said that she wanted a trial seperation to get back our spark." The knew that she had the power over you so she disrespected you all the more. "she did the same thing.e it didn't take long before she was hooking up with the same guy. They started a relationship." I am shocked that she has so much disregard for you. You are exhibiting behavior of someone who doesn't value self. Please value yourself and leave this woman and never go back. Your relationship is done. You lost her for good way back at your first confrontation Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 Your #1 priority is your children PERIOD. Do what is best for them -- not what's best for you, your wife or that relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 The other week she tells me that she is pregnant, and that she is not sure who the dad is. (I had a vasectomy 5 years ago)(I have heard stories of vasectomies reversing themselves years down the track). Your wife is big on doling reality out in small bites, the so called "trickle truth". Since you're new to this, here's a quick course in cheater-speak: She said that she wanted a trial separation to get back our spark. Translation - she wants time to test drive the new relationship while keeping you close-by as Plan B if it doesn't work out. A few days later she comes to me and she says that she thinks she is polyamorous. Translation - It would be great if you'd continue to support her and the kids, that provides babysitting service while she sleeps with other guys. The other week she tells me that she is pregnant, and that she is not sure who the dad is. (I had a vasectomy 5 years ago)(I have heard stories of vasectomies reversing themselves years down the track). Translation - You're sterile so it's obviously his, but she senses you're desperate enough to believe almost anything. Again, she keeps you on the hook while exploring her options. Glovesoff, this is a deceitful, manipulative and untrustworthy woman. Do you really want to make a maternity triangle while you, her and her BF raise his child? Time to get real. Quit caring about her, put you and your children's future at the top of your list. She's obviously focused on her needs, time for you to do the same... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 15, 2019 Share Posted July 15, 2019 Geeze man you couldn't play this any worse. She cheats you chase. That always just lowers your status to zero. You've given her total control over you and this situation. Wake up already. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glovesoff Posted July 21, 2019 Author Share Posted July 21, 2019 Okay update! Since I posted this I had stopped all sexual contact. (You guys were right. I needed to respect myself) I have found an actractive, funny woman who I have been spending some time with. (Really weird story on how we met in a different post). We share a lot of the same interests and ourmlife stories are quite similar) The ex and I are still talking. I have something that needs to be answered in a new thread. "Do I tell her or let her be Naive." Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 I have found an actractive, funny woman who I have been spending some time with. (Really weird story on how we met in a different post). We share a lot of the same interests and ourmlife stories are quite similar) Way too soon, especially considering you're still married and navigating a divorce. Table your social life to focus on your kids and get your future squared away. That is job one for you right now... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 Okay update! Since I posted this I had stopped all sexual contact. (You guys were right. I needed to respect myself) I have found an actractive, funny woman who I have been spending some time with. (Really weird story on how we met in a different post). We share a lot of the same interests and ourmlife stories are quite similar) The ex and I are still talking. I have something that needs to be answered in a new thread. "Do I tell her or let her be Naive." OMG. What is wrong with you? A new woman will not fix anything. She is a rebound placeholder because you feel down about the impending divorce. You are using her. This isn't real. It can't be because right now as you are struggling through ending your marriage you have no idea who you are. Getting involved with somebody else is just making it all worse. Your poor kids. Break up with this woman. Concentrate on extricating yourself from the marriage -- after the DNA test on the new kid. Spend at least a year post divorce figuring out who you are as a single father. Then you can start dating. Not now. Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 Way too soon, especially considering you're still married and navigating a divorce. Table your social life to focus on your kids and get your future squared away. That is job one for you right now... Mr. Lucky Ditto this. It sounds like you're on the rebound. You're going to end up hurting that other woman if you are not careful enough. And you are having a trial separation, but keep in mind that you are still MARRIED. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 . I have something that needs to be answered in a new thread. "Do I tell her or let her be Naive." The fact that you are even asking this shows that you are using the OW as a way to make your soon to be ex wife jealous. Why would she need to know this information and what good would it serve? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glovesoff Posted July 22, 2019 Author Share Posted July 22, 2019 The fact that you are even asking this shows that you are using the OW as a way to make your soon to be ex wife jealous. Why would she need to know this information and what good would it serve? AHM, maybe you should read the other thread before jumping the gun. As for OW, I have been speaking to her not long after I created this thread and in actual fact met her in passing before even knowing who she was. We have been spending a lot of our waking time chatting. We have gone out a few times. This woman is not to make my ex jealous. I don't care how my ex feels about her. The only thing I care about with that is how she makes me feel. I can once again be myself. Not a jealous person. We have been taking things slow. I was shown the light that I'm not in love with my ex but rather the idea of what she used to be. Don't get me wrong I still care for the mother of my kids but that is all it is. The sex was a comfort thing. As for the pregnancy they have found a rare anomaly which is prevelant on his side (huge sigh of releif)I asked for an opinion not a judgement. Walk in my shoes and share my thoughts and maybe then you would understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Glovesoff Posted July 22, 2019 Author Share Posted July 22, 2019 OMG. What is wrong with you? A new woman will not fix anything. She is a rebound placeholder because you feel down about the impending divorce. You are using her. This isn't real. It can't be because right now as you are struggling through ending your marriage you have no idea who you are. Getting involved with somebody else is just making it all worse. Your poor kids. Break up with this woman. Concentrate on extricating yourself from the marriage -- after the DNA test on the new kid. Spend at least a year post divorce figuring out who you are as a single father. Then you can start dating. Not now. WTF don't bring my kids into this. We have been letting the kids know gradually of the changes being made to their life. They have only recently in the last 2 week's found out that mum and dad are never getting back together. I have yet to introduce them to who I am seeing and if I do it would be weeks away and introduced as kids this is "insert name" she is a friend of mine. No physical contact in front of them would be made for at least 6 months. The ex and I are friends and that is it. As for the divorce. I don't feel sad about it anymore. This "rebound" as you have so kindly called her has made me realize what my issues were. I had been open with her with the details. And you're somewhat right. there are aspects of me that I don't know. But I still have a good sense of self. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 I just think you are going about this all wrong. You are going to hurt the other woman in the process. When it comes to relationships, especially the dissolution of a marriage you need to end one chapter before you write another. I didn't mean to imply that you were flaunting your new squeeze in front of your kids but that you are diverting your energy from them. When they learned mom & dad were divorcing you pulled the rugs out from their worlds / their security. Failing to make their needs your priority while drowning your sorrows in another woman's arms won't help. Seriously. The way you & your STBXW are behaving what are you teaching your kids about fidelity & olng term relationships? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 Walk in my shoes and share my thoughts and maybe then you would understand. Many of us have been in your shoes. It's why we know for sure that this is a rebound and you should not be entering into a new relationship right now. But, you'll learn eventually. Just do not introduce her to the kids at all. Even as "daddy's friend." Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 AHM, maybe you should read the other thread before jumping the gun. As for OW, I have been speaking to her not long after I created this thread and in actual fact met her in passing before even knowing who she was. We have been spending a lot of our waking time chatting. We have gone out a few times. This woman is not to make my ex jealous. I don't care how my ex feels about her. The only thing I care about with that is how she makes me feel. I can once again be myself. Not a jealous person. We have been taking things slow. I was shown the light that I'm not in love with my ex but rather the idea of what she used to be. Don't get me wrong I still care for the mother of my kids but that is all it is. The sex was a comfort thing. As for the pregnancy they have found a rare anomaly which is prevelant on his side (huge sigh of releif)I asked for an opinion not a judgement. Walk in my shoes and share my thoughts and maybe then you would understand. Good for you except: Why are you asking if you should tell your ex or let her remain naive? What does your ex have to do with you and the new woman that she should be told? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 I asked for an opinion not a judgement Funny how opinion becomes judgement when someone doesn't agree with what you're doing. Glovesoff, no room for judgement here, I made all the same mistakes and then some. That's why I (and others) are telling you to finalize your marital status before you involve someone else. Especially true if you have some regard for the new person in your life... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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