falxmanolo Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 Hey guys, I’m feeling a bit conflicted and would like some advise please; My best friend of 14 years, ended a 4 year relationship with a guy (end of May 2019) she absolutely adored because her parents were disapproving of the man and his background (bestie’s family is old money loaded and this guy was not a pauper but not at the same level as her). She fought with her parents but they wouldn’t have any of it and refused to give her blessings. And on the 3rd of June, her parents introduced her to a man is similar background and she has gotten engaged to him! (On the 12th, in nine days!) All of us, myself and her sister are absolutely shocked and trying to process this. I told myself that perhaps this is just life, sometimes things work out but recently her sister told me that this man has lied about his credentials (claims to be Harvard MBA, found to be untrue). His family are notoriously power hungry and are wanting to stage a rapid wedding in August! One of my other friends broached my bestie with these concerns and she completely shut her out and wouldn’t listen to her. I’m constantly trying to be happy for my bestie but honestly guys I feel like I’m being so fake! I am worried sick about this. I know I should respect my bestie and her decision because she’s a 28 year old level headed woman but seriously?! With these red flags? Anybody been in a similar situation? What did you do? Do I just carry on being supportive and continue MOH duties? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 Is this a cultural thing? Like an arranged marriage?? I'd like to think I wouldn't be MOH in a wedding I did not approve of. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 I would not support it. Her parents just sold her to the highest bidder and she's so immature she let them. She needs to grow up and run her own life, but as you can see, she's not ready. So she certainly isn't ready to marry -- anyone! First you leave the next and become independent, and then you make big decisions about your own life. Bow out and let her know you can't condone this because it's a huge mistake having an arranged marriage like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author falxmanolo Posted July 2, 2019 Author Share Posted July 2, 2019 Is this a cultural thing? Like an arranged marriage?? I'd like to think I wouldn't be MOH in a wedding I did not approve of. Yeah so it’s theoretically an arranged marriage because the parents have arranged for her to meet this guy. BUT; it’s like normal dating! You go out on dates and get to know the person..and traditionally, my cousins have taken like 6-10 months before agreeing to get married. I’m finding it hard to spell it out without coming across as bitter or jealous (this is what was said about a close friend who raised serious concerns) because she’s bagged this wonderful guy in her opinion. I don’t know what’s worse- that she’s just making a ridiculous swift decision or that she believes he is all that accomplished when in reality he’s actually duping her and her family by lying about his credentials! Aargh; how do I just bow out of my best friend’s wedding?! Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 She can't possibly know if he's a good guy or not in this short time -- or in 6 to 10 months for that matter. It takes a couple of years and seeing someone in different adverse circumstances to see who they really are. It's foolish. Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 strange too some of the cultures and parental influences, my Malaysian friend has told me similar stories though relating to friends of hers, me and her had a bit of an argument on this, my stance would be similar to the above, not supporting something that I feel is fundamentally wrong, however the people immersed in these cultures expect their friends to stand by them and not question their choices however flawed they may seem. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 2, 2019 Share Posted July 2, 2019 Can't her parents take some of that "old money" and have him investigated to ease everyone's mind? Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted July 3, 2019 Share Posted July 3, 2019 28 and she lets her parents control who she dates? Why does she need their 'blessing' to date who she wants? Sounds like she needs to start living her own life and not be a puppet for her parents. Link to post Share on other sites
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