blink Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 My H & I are going through divorce, started on 1 Aug when I broke the news. Since then, he's tried to move out x2. But he always came back, saying that he couldn't do it, and just miss us (our 5yo dtr and me) too much. None of these last >24 hr. PATHETIC. Since then he has not made another attempt to move. BTW, he is in complete denial, not accepting that it's over. I told me I don't love him anymore. He cried like a baby everytime we talk. I asked me to move out, so we both can have space to sort of things. He refused. He has place to go - his sister's, 2 of his friends. I have no family to go to. Anyway, one night while he was AGAIN trying to persuade me to GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE & THAT HE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I CAN'T GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE, he threatened to kill me and then himself, if I moved out with our daughter. So the next day I discreetly moved out with my dtr, stayed at a hotel couple of days, then a friend's ex's place for couple of days. I filed a police report and about to obtain a restraining order. One thing led to another, the restraining order was never obtained. One day, I finally agreed to talk to him with both his and my friends presence (for safety b/c of his mental instability). We talked, he agreed to proceed with the divorce. He wants us to move back to the apartment. I told him I would move back to the apartment, if he would move out to his friend's place temporarily until I find a place on my own. Excuse after excuse, he stayed in the apartment after I move back in. After I moved back, he is still trying to talk me into giving him another chance. To me, this is all over, I have no feelings for him. I'm still trying to be nice to him, just because he and I still need to see each other in the future b/c of our dtr. Early in the separation, we saw a counselor together, we stopped seeing her b/c he realized that the counseling won't bring the marriage back. But the counselor warned me that he is quite unstable and suggest me to call crisis hotline or 911 if anything got worse. Finally, yesterday I got him to the doc and explained our situation. He was started on antidepressant and schedule to see a psychiatrist next week. This whole divorce is so emotionally draining. For a while I was just blaming myself for being stupid at marrying some loser like him. Right now, all I want is to get things moving. I can only wait so long for him. I just want him to stabilize his emotions, so he can make the best decision for the situation. I have contacted a few lawyers, but have not exactly started to file a divorce complaint. We're to seek mediation next month to figure out the split up, then have the lawyer review the agreement and file divorce. My question is should I start the paperwork and serve him the paper before/after the mediation. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 This is a very difficult situation. I sympathize with you. A friend of mine works with a woman whose husband shot her then shot himself all in front of their little daughter. They were separated for a year and she had a fiance. She survived, will be okay and actually broke up with the fiance, but not because of what happened. The husband is dead. It's good that he will see a psychiatrist. perhaps you could talk to him (the doctor) too so that your husband doesn't fool him that he is totally okay while he might not be. If worse comes to worse, just promise him that you will maybe give him another chance. Don't let him do anything stupid. You might also talk to him nicely and explain that your daughter loves him and shouldn't be an orphan so if he loves her too, he should think twice before making fatal threats. In any case, be nice to him. The more you are running away from him the more he wants you back. It's obsession rather than true love. People are capable of accepting deafeat when they are truly in love. He isn't. Perhaps you could talk to a few therapists to advise you about what to do with a case like his. I believe seeking advice from strangers is not the best option for you right now. There is too much responsibility in any answer that might be given to you. It's your life (and your daughter's destiny) that is in question here. You need professional opinion. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Razorback05 Posted September 25, 2005 Share Posted September 25, 2005 I would immediately file for divorce, and an order of protection. The quicker you are awarded temporary custody, the sooner you can begin to set things into place such as allowing him to see your child (his condition permitting). I strongly advise against allowing him to be alone with her at this time, as it would make it easy for him to flee with her. I'm not here to scare you, but I feel you should be mindful of this. These threats and begging etc..(tantrums) will dramatically decrease once he is aware that an authoritative figure is in your presence (the court). Do it tomorrow if you can. Link to post Share on other sites
cherrysoduh Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 I agree I think you need to seek some expert legal advice. Including police and attorneys. A threat to anyone's life is a serious issue. Please be careful and seek some advice from police or attorneys and get some sort of emergency protective order against this man. It is better to be safe than sorry Link to post Share on other sites
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