Orokotikki Posted July 5, 2019 Share Posted July 5, 2019 "Choke chains" are commonly used in dog obedience training Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 5, 2019 Share Posted July 5, 2019 CPS should not be involved, yet. Neither should animal control. The guy has a short temper. He roughly removed a dog from a home where he peed. Yes that should have been handled better but it doesn't arise to abuse or cruelty yet. It is a volatile situation & the OP must keep an eye on him but I think as he gets more comfortable dealing with the baby things can improve. Babies freak me out & make me very stressed. I avoid them; it's part of why I never tried having kids when I was younger. This guy is a parent & he's making mistakes. It's unfortunate that he's not more patient but let's not condemn him yet for things he hasn't done just because he might do them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted July 6, 2019 Share Posted July 6, 2019 Pulling a poorly trained and poorly behaved dog out of a house because its urinating are the actions of someone who has probably reached his tolerance threshold. I wouldn't be to quick to call him abusive based on the circumstances and the fact that it's happened once. The dog needs to be trained properly, a poorly behaved dog living under the same roof as an infant should cause more concern, where is the outrage with that? I love dogs and have had dogs my entire life, my dogs know the pecking order of the family and they always come last. People should probably learn to treat people better than they treat dogs, it might solve some of humanity's problems. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 6, 2019 Share Posted July 6, 2019 I agree with other posters that you should never threaten divorce unless you are willing to file the next day. Never use it for control purposes. I had never threatened to divorce my wife until this year. Even then I never used the word divorce I just told her I would not be hanging around. I was angry and using it as a futile attempt to control her behavior. I have apologized to her since and knocked some points off of my self esteem as punishment. I just can't seem to live up to who I think I should be. My wife has MS and now barely manages to get around with a walker. Just two years ago she was walking on her own but that's how it is with MS. A slow/fast steady decline depending on which flavor of the disease you have. Over the years I have nagged her about thinking before she attempts to do anything that requires physical work. I have been nagging her ever since a few years ago, she went out into the backyard to cut up branches, got over heated by sun, fell down and could not get back up. I was at work and if it wasn't for my neighbor hearing her cries for help and calling the EM squad I would be a widower today. It was frightening experience that went right to my core. That's when the nagging started. In my opinion, she took too many risks. She would reach objects to steady herself but the objects were not fixed points. They were things like door handles where the door could still move or light weight objects that would slide or tip over when she grabbed for them. I warned her over and over (ad nauseum) if she broke her leg she might never walk again do the muscle atrophy during recovery. MS patients have a tough time building muscle mass. She always agreed with me but it was never reflected in her actions. She was fighting her disease. She was trying to keep it from dictating her life. I get it. I would do the same thing. She had also fallen down multiple times in the past but had not suffered the dire consequences that I had predicted except for huge bruises and stiffness the next day. That pattern changed a year and a half ago. She was coming out of the bedroom and there was a plastic trash bag on the floor. She tried to step over it and her knee gave way and she fell to the floor in a heap. When the x-rays were done she had broken her tibia in three places as well as fracturing her foot. I was not a happy camper. They put her leg back together with a plate and surgical screws and she went into rehab for 4 wks. It took a month at home before she was able to move around with the aid of her walker. I'm afraid I tried to drill into her head the necessity of not doing things herself but calling for me. We were both retired at the time and I'm usually just in the next room on the computer or guitar studies. She still wouldn't really listen to me but she worked hard to get her mobility back. My fear lessened when I saw how well with the aid of the walker she was getting around. She was in the living room and I was making supper. I went downstairs to the basement to get some can goods when I heard a sound like a sack of potatoes hitting the floor above my head. I ran up the steps and there she was lying on the kitchen floor with oven door wide open. I could see exactly what happened. She decided she was going to get something from kitchen by herself while I was downstairs and she lost her balance reached out and grabbed the oven door handle which immediately pulled open and accelerated her fall to the floor. I was furious. I told her if she kept this behavior up I wasn't going to hang around. She burst into tears which of course made me feel terrible. This time she broke her femur. They had to do a partial hip implant and then she was off to rehab for 3 wks. She's been back home since the end of January and it's been a very slow recovery. She's back on the walker. I've quit my nagging. Instead I snitch on her to the doctor and family and let them get on her about being safe. It seems to work a lot better but I do regret that I threatened her with divorce. I just hope everyone understands I was just at the end of my rope. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted July 6, 2019 Share Posted July 6, 2019 4givrnt, stated in first post. Well this past week we came to my in-laws and one of my dogs is notorious for being difficult. We are on a huge move right now so we are already stressed. Suddendly my difficult dog began peeing inside the house. The dog is also stressed, and or senses your stress, and your husbands. More positive reinforcement without stress might help everyone get through the changes. If the dog is a male ,in another home, he might tend to mark his territory. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 Communicate. Don't use divorce to control or threaten. I'm not married, but I would be terribly annoyed if someone I'm serious about ever tells me, "I would divorce you if you ..." Talk to me about boundaries like an adult. No need to use divorce as a threat. Everyone is different, but I know I won't have much of a future with someone who communicates that way with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 I'm not married, but I would be terribly annoyed if someone I'm serious about ever tells me, "I would divorce you if you ..." I agree. It's worth talking about ONCE, in the sense of stating what your dealbreaker behaviours are. But repeating it over and over again multiple times and phrased in that manner... kind of pointless and just sounds annoying/controlling to me. Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole2 Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 I'm glad you have reached a resolution and that he will seek help with anger management. He absolutely can develop the skills and patience to deal with his feelings of rage. As for how to handle in a marriage, I would first aim to discuss it in a way that gives him space to seek help. Obviously it's a given that I would do what I must to protect my child, but if it takes the fear of divorce to keep him from abusing a baby, then he still has a long way to go. It's better for him to be treated as an adult who is capable of improving himself, which indeed he is, rather than a monster on the verge of harming a baby. I would not want a marriage dynamic where I am the parent and he is the unruly teenager. Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 Let's get something clear...he didn't harm the baby according to ops post. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rubix Cubed Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 I'd threaten to divorce you for not training your dog better. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 Let's get something clear...he didn't harm the baby according to ops post. No but he hurt the dog in a fit of temper, and he has admitted that he sometimes has to leave the room when the baby's crying pushes him near the edge. He's like a ticking time bomb, ready to go off. She's right to be worried. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rubix Cubed Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 No but he hurt the dog in a fit of temper, and he has admitted that he sometimes has to leave the room when the baby's crying pushes him near the edge. He's like a ticking time bomb, ready to go off. She's right to be worried. She didn't say he hurt the dog either. Holding a bigger dog up by its collar is a control technique. It does not hurt them. It seems to me she is looking for a reason to threaten divorce or at the least being melodramatic. Link to post Share on other sites
Turning point Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 I can't contribute to this thread because I'm having a hard time separating the abusive tendencies in both of you. Your husband has a temper that manifests physically, and you have established equivalence between your dogs and a child. Neither of these behaviors is healthy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 No but he hurt the dog in a fit of temper, and he has admitted that he sometimes has to leave the room when the baby's crying pushes him near the edge. He's like a ticking time bomb, ready to go off. She's right to be worried. Leaving the room when the baby is crying because he's having a difficult time with it hardly constitutes abuse. In fact it's a healthy coping mechanism to remove oneself in order to take a breather. Nothing wrong with that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 Leaving the room when the baby is crying because he's having a difficult time with it hardly constitutes abuse. In fact it's a healthy coping mechanism to remove oneself in order to take a breather. Nothing wrong with that. Having to leave the room when the crying gets to him means he clearly CAN'T cope. He was overly aggressive with the dog, practically strangling it while angrily dragging it (Ops words). That cannot be justified. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 He was overly aggressive with the dog, practically strangling it while angrily dragging it (Ops words). That cannot be justified. The OP seems motivated to see her husband a certain way. By making him the bad guy, easier for her to justify disconnecting from the marriage for her own reasons. Not sure all of this has to do with the dog or the baby... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Deya Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 I think your husband has the right to dislike some awful, disgusting things like pee pools on a carpet or annoying baby's scream. it is OK when a person loves and hates something because we are all different and have different principles. accept your husband principles and try to tolerate him, because he also has to tolerate you and your behavior that, I am sure, not always ideal, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Tristian Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 Since we haven't heard from the OP in quite awhile I'll shut this one down. If the OP returns and would like to update, please feel free to request it reopened via the ALERT function. Link to post Share on other sites
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