Tired of being disrespected

[ScaryPanda]

Feeling very overwhelmed right now.

 

I'm 21 years old and work in a production company with both my parents, my brother + uncle and his children. It's a family business. Working with family is both great and frustrating at the same time.

 

I'm incredibly naive by nature, everyone knows that. I always expect most from people. I also had difficulty adapting here as my first position was next to my father who is the owner of the company, I help him daily and when he's away from the office, I do his job. It was difficult to start out at this position, because it's hard. And I'm not sure if this position is made for someone my age.

 

My uncle though, for whatever reason, he really does not like me. There was a time when he wouldn't pay me, he often calls me out for not having a priority list that fits him (updating some old photos on our website for the heck of it vs making orders and keeping our stock full). When there's an issue, then I'm at fault and his children go along with it and completely throw me under the bus, even though I've done everything I could, I've done my job.

 

I'm so tired of this. It really cuts deep as this is how I grew up, I was the least favorite daughter and was humiliated and neglected on a regular basis. I often lose my ground completely and I wonder if it's really about me. Maybe they are right and I am incompetent and a tragedy.

 

I just don't know anymore, every single incident ends up in a pile of previous hassles. I don't even know what's right anymore. It feels like my identity is being slowly taken from me, piece by piece, so they can turn me into this sad insecure being. Maybe I'm being a bit dramatic but constant gaslighting and blaming just makes me so confused. I really try but I still sit here and wonder, why the heck am I not enough.

 

Sorry, kind of a rant I think.

[amaysngrace]

Your father wouldn’t give you that position in the company if he didn’t trust your abilities.

 

Next time they lay into you like that tell them to take it up with him.

[ScaryPanda]

Your father wouldn’t give you that position in the company if he didn’t trust your abilities.

 

Next time they lay into you like that tell them to take it up with him.

 

Thanks for replying.

 

I have mentioned before that what is happening is ridiculous but dad and uncle are brothers and "this is family", so things like that are ignored.

 

I have a hard time understanding why me, though. My siblings and cousins are all fairly cocky and shallow (simply being realistic here) while I had a pretty sad childhood and got out of it thanks to the support of my friends, which is probably why I still have a lot of love in me.

 

I'm not really sure how to deal with this. I try not to care but this makes me feel so low and small. How does one get confident enough?

[Maddie82]

I really feel for you, but i think you already know what you have to do. You need to break away from the family business, because as long as your uncle is there, nothing will ever change. Does your father know about the way he treats you? If not you need to tell him. You need your own independence. You sound like a very hard working and loyal person so i think you have the potential to go anywhere you want. I wish you the best of luck

[stillafool]

I agree that you should break away. Just because it's a family business does not mean you have to work there. I think it would do you good to work some where else. You might find that your relationship with your family will improve when you're not around them so much.

[ChatroomHero]

have noticed in family businesses where I have worked, it's like the most incompetent get propped up. The normal person does all the work, gets it and makes sound decisions while the ones that are deficient seem to get put in positions of power that they have no business being in. Then, when anything goes wrong they have to blame someone and they blame the competent person because who else can they blame? The normal one just takes it to make it work.

 

 

The same happens to really, really good employees that are not related. Nephew Johnny screws up 50 orders daily, the good employee corrects them and makes the customer happy and the end result is Nephew Johnny is going to screw up orders tomorrow and never change and the one correcting them and saving the day will be treated like it is their fault. I have seen family run businesses cut off their nose to spite their face and lose thousands of dollars based on absurd decision making. It can be pointed out all along the way how bad their decision was, but 6 months later there will still be a "what went wrong?" meeting and they will be oblivious.

 

 

The family business dynamics to me is always messy and dysfunctional in my opinion unless one person in the family basically owns it and calls the shots and is a very strong head of the company. It sounds like you don't have that person to keep everyone in line. Personally I would move on and use your experience as a huge advantage. Like you said, someone your age might be in over your head a bit with the job, but you are doing it and that is experience nobody else will have at your age when you are looking in the job market.

 

 

Outside of that, I think if you are in a family business you just need to function within the dysfunctionality to be happy. Like you just need to accept it and not let it bother you. I could only do that if I was paid incredibly well with a lot of benefits I wouldn't get anywhere else and then I'd be able to put all that aside.

[amaysngrace]

How does one get confident enough?

 

By finding your voice and using it.

 

You’re going to need to start standing up for yourself, not by tearing them down because that’s their style, but by propping your own self up.

 

They only go after you because you have qualities they don’t possess but wish they had. But that’s their problem. Don’t make it yours.

[d0nnivain]

Do you have the ability to go out & get a different job at a different company for a few years to gain some experience & perspective. Perhaps when you have paid your dues your Uncle will have more respect. Sometime you simply have to rear up & bite. As the youngest cousin in my family I got little respect until I took it for myself. That ruffled a lot of feathers but I felt better.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm kinda confused if it's only the uncle treating you this way or if it's everyone. If just the uncle, he's clearly jealous that you, a 21 year old "girl," is right hand woman to the man at the top, and not him. So, he's going to undermind you to cope with his own insecurities/resentment.