Adealia1997 Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 Hey everyone, Some months ago I was dating a guy, but after a couple of months we ended it because it wouldn't work for us. The way we ended it was on good terms, no hard feelings or bitterness towards each other. He told me that I am an amazing person, never change at all and also that, if I ever need anything, I can always text him. I explained to him that I will need some space and I am not going to text him at all, and so it happened. Three months after, we still have never texted or kept contact as friends; we have only had some small talk when we bumped into each other in the city. Until some days ago, when he invited me and my two best friends to his brother's party, at his house. This whole time I didn't think about him at all, but I was happy when I got the invitation and decided to go to that party and have some fun. And so I did. I went to the party and everything was cool, until he started hugging and kissing another girl (his girlfriend) exactly in front of me. I felt really awkward, even though I didn't show it, but I really didn't know how I should feel at this view. So I sent him a polite message yesterday night asking him why he invited me on the first place, since this situation was awkward and we didn't have any contact all this time. He told me that he felt like he should invite both me and my friends to a party where all his friends are going to. When I sent the message it felt like the right thing to do but now I don't know, I am wondering if I overreacted. I just don't know what to do right now and how to deal with all this emptiness and awkwardness I'm feeling. I know I'm not in love with him, but it has been only three months since we broke up and I'm not ready to see all this PDA yet. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 Being friends with the ex is always awkward especially at first. If you can't handle it then don't try to be friends with him. It's not mandatory you know! You can just walk away from that chapter of your life, and move on to bigger and better things! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 You went to the party thinking he saw you as someone he was interested in romantically. Even if you are not interested it is fun and an ego boost to have someone who thinks of you in that way. I guess the split was mostly his idea and with the party invite, you maybe derived bit of satisfaction in thinking that he regretted it or changed his mind. Unfortunately his motivation seemed to be more about increasing the numbers at his brother's party and showing off his new gf. That burst your bubble hence why you feel so flat and empty. Stay away. As you still have some feelings, you cannot be friends. Dumpers often can be friends with exes, all day and all night, dumpees rarely can. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 Well, he is allowed to have a girlfriend. There is no rules on how long to wait after a break up. I think that you are overreacting a little. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 If seeing him makes you feel uncomfortable, the simplest thing to do is avoid him. Hang with other friends instead. There's no law saying you have to stay friends with him or be an "active" friend. He may have been trying to be nice, but I think he also showed some clueless insensitivity to what you were likely to feel. Suggest you don't worry about the text either. Just drop the issue completely and keep clear of him until you're fully comfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 4, 2019 Share Posted July 4, 2019 I would have declined his invite because I would no longer want to be his friend. You obviously want to stay friends with him but have now found out you can't handle what that friendship will look like. If you continue to try to be his friend and see him at events you're going to see a lot more hugging and kissing going on between him and his gf. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 6, 2019 Share Posted July 6, 2019 I think that you are overreacting a little. OP, I have to agree, especially since you say you wouldn't be interested even if he was. Not sure why you were upset. Had you met someone you were interested in at the party, would you avoid talking to him simply because the ex was there? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted July 6, 2019 Share Posted July 6, 2019 strikes me as a bit mean of him to invite you and start showing off the girl right in your face, Anyway not accepting any future invites from him and working on your own success seems the best way forward. Link to post Share on other sites
MINAKO Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 (edited) Yes, it is mean of him. Even if I was fully over an ex, I would not be comfortable to see a make out session between him and the new girl right in my face, especially to an event he chose to invite me to. You can be over even an ex husband yet not exactly be comfortable seeing them kiss up their new woman. I do not believe anyone with a normal mind invite their ex lover to a party 3 months after the break up, only to get wild with their new lover right in front of the ex. In that case, it solidifies that you were right to forget about someone like him. I would not have said anything, but it is fine, it is all done now. I would honestly just forget him again, and avoid further contact if he does invite you again. Edited July 8, 2019 by MINAKO Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 He was probably trying to get a reaction out of you and it seems it worked. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 Or, maybe he thought she was as over "it" as he is and really did want to be "just friends". He may have invited 3 pretty eligible women for his brother and friends to meet. You did say you hadn't thought of him until you ran into him well he probably felt the same. Link to post Share on other sites
MINAKO Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 He was probably trying to get a reaction out of you and it seems it worked. I believe this, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 I kind of blame you, OP. No one put a gun to your head to attend the party. You knew he was dating someone else. You claimed to be over him. So what's the problem exactly? I think you sending him the text message was over the top and you played into your emotions rather than logic. Break-ups are rarely easy and trying to remain friends or friendly, although very possible, takes time...and sometimes distance too. It's clear you're not ready so it's best to remove yourself from any further opportunities where running into one another is a possibility. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts