2 months No Contact!

[GamineKitty]

Hey all,

 

So here I am again. Today marks 2 months No Contact (which has been successfully unbroken), alongside 2 months since I last heard from or messaged my ex.

 

How am I doing? It is hard to tell. I am not sure if I am in what is called the “depression” phase: I’ve felt nothing for about four weeks. No sorrow neither a slither of relief alongside any other emotion one usually functions with. There is just emptiness that I’ve desperately attempted to assuage.

 

It is hard. Harder to think that, perhaps although my ex kept our lines of communication open, I’ll never hear from him again. That perhaps, all these plans we’d made (such as visiting Norway for our anniversary in August) were indeed for nothing, and that his words of loving tenderness, his sacred promises and devotions were indeed weightless, insincere.

 

Silence causes one to feel a great mass of anxiety or doubt (particularly the dumpee) than anything else, I think. I’ve been maintaining amazing new hobbies, have met awesome new people, have been doing my utmost to get by but… this feeling of total loss, I can’t shake. I read it is extremely hard to “fall out of love” with the dumper. I am coming to terms with the fact that there’s hefty truth in said statement.

 

Am I still in love with the man who left me in the dirt? Yes.

Am I still confused for the reasoning of the breakup in all its aspects? Yes.

Am I healing? Hard to tell when you can’t feel at all.

Do I continue to have hope to hear from him? Yes, although I wish I did not.

 

This process takes time. I don’t need pessimism neither “tough love” which some seem too fond of providing on this forum: anyone whom genuinely understands, knows this horrific position I and thousands of others are in; losing the love of your life, the person who you’d hoped to spend forever with, bears the same sense of doom as losing a family member to an unexpected accident. Will I ever really know why? I’m not sure. Did he ever genuinely love me? I’m not sure?

 

Will I wake again tomorrow, to traipse through another day? You can bet on it. And I’ll be damned if I see myself reaching out to break NC. I won’t provide that satisfaction. I won’t provide that comfort or familiarity. I am gone. I am a wraith. I do not exist anymore.

[ExpatInItaly]

More time will help. What you are feeling is normal when the break-up is fresh and was not mutual.

 

As you become more adjusted to life without him, the prospect of drifting out of each other's lives becomes less daunting and fear-inducing. Life starts to feel normal without them in it, after a while.

[lonelyplanetmoon]

GK, I am at 6 weeks and struggle with those same questions and feelings every day. I thought I was doing ok about 3-4 weeks out but the last couple of weeks have been harder.

I am actually a little mad at myself that I continue to harbor thoughts of wanting him back even though I know long term he is not a good partner and he does not make me that happy. Treats me badly etc. Ack! How do we stop these feelings? I guess we just have time.