an issue

[salparadise]

I get you, but he did promise her a change. If it was something he was not up for her because it is too major of a change or she was asking too much, he would not have agree with her. However, like Roxy said, if he back tracks, then it is a different story and I would not believe there is hope or reason to have expectations about it.

 

 

I had these two aunts, sisters, both overweight. They were constantly dieting, members of Weight-watchers, and always dreading and worrying about the weekly weigh-ins. One day when I was visiting I felt something between the cushions on the couch, so I slid my hand in and pulled out a giant sized Snickers bar. When I was left alone a few minutes I looked around found many more candy bars covertly dispersed throughout the room. I thought it was extremely interesting how they openly talked about their need/desire to lose weight, paid to be members of WW, attended (and dreaded) weigh-ins, and yet were consciously undermining the weight loss program at the same time.

 

I also have this friend I grew up with who is a lawyer and a motor head. He dresses well and his antique muscle cars are always immaculate. He does not let anyone come inside his place though. I have seen the inside a couple of times and there is so much stuff strewn throughout that it's hard to make your way through the living room. It's like he has selective slobbery. His motivation to be perceived as neat and normal drive his outward appearances, but he has no intrinsic motivation to be clean and organized within his domicile.

 

I have another friend who is what most would call a neat freak. His house, his cars, utensil drawers in the kitchen, tool boxes, garage floors... it looks like he must have a full-time cleaning crew on the job, but he doesn't. He just takes care of stuff one thing at a time, immediately if not sooner. It's just how he's wired.

 

It's interesting how divergent people's motivations can be. It's possible that OP's boyfriend could get his act together momentarily to pacify her and save the relationship, but I do not believe that his predisposition is going to change.

[salparadise]

Another little story.... knew this guy that I rode motorcycles with occasionally. He was divorced and he and his ex-wife lived nearby. He used to talk about how she kept tabs on him even years after the divorce. One day I asked why he thought she did that. He went on to describe how she was about everything. He said she kept a perfect house; never a speck of dust, everything in its place.

 

He said that she had hundreds of knick knacks, figurines, and such, and that each one had a numbered sticker on the bottom that corresponded to a sticker where it belonged... not that she needed stickers to keep track of where things went. She placed each item precisely, including the angle of rotation. He said that he would sometimes rotate an item 20 degrees, and then time it to see how long it would take her to rotate it back. She would notice and correct it the first time she walked through the room, every single time.

 

People have individual thresholds for how much order they need. People at either extreme of the spectrum are thought to be strange by the vast majority who are somewhere in the middle (of the bell curve). Who is to say what's right or wrong, it's more a matter of compatibility, or tolerance for those who are different.

[MINAKO]

It's interesting how divergent people's motivations can be. It's possible that OP's boyfriend could get his act together momentarily to pacify her and save the relationship, but I do not believe that his predisposition is going to change.

 

I agree - I suppose it will come down to how dedicated or serious he is about the relationship. But even then, I know some habits are very tough to break, especially when we are adults and have lived a certain way for so many years, though I do hope he comes around!