Appearance

[skywriter]

I can understand your mindset and feelings on appearances MeadowFlower, as I have changed my appearance in my life, been up and down the scale, as I've just got that body type and have had three children, aged, etc.

 

 

As we all age change is inevitable. I can also say I've actually had men say to me, overweight & even when I was married, "you are sexy as he!!

 

Then I lost a significant amount of weight and men that never had anything to do with me before, suddenly showed interest. It's human nature, and I imagined some of it was their curiosity of how does she do this transformation?

 

I would think, gosh I am the same person on the inside,and I felt like that part wasn't looked at. I just had to be understanding and consider that those that didn't take the time to get to know what was on the inside weren't right for me anyway.

 

I just wanted to add, that even though I was overweight, the fact that it didn't detour my confidence level, this may have been why guys thought I was sexy.

Edited July 8, 2019 by skywriter

[Cathy7]

"The right guy will love only for what is inside" - appearance, make up are all on the outside. One may be strongly attracted to them but what keeps one and one's love is the inside. Hopefully

[Kitty Tantrum]

I felt disrespected by my ex-husband when he would tell me it didn't matter what I looked like. The way he put it was "as long as I can get my arms all the way around you."

 

I don't know. There's acceptance of the imperfection which is inherent to humanity, and then there's acceptance of rampant self-neglect. The fact that I had such obvious potential to be very beautiful and he didn't care was like a little slap in the face.

 

I say be wary of men who proclaim that they only care about what's on the inside. There's a whole lot more than beauty that can be exploited, and there's a whole lot of vulnerability in hanging your heart on a man who doesn't want you to be your best.

[amaysngrace]

Your appearance is what gets you noticed. Both men and women do it.

 

If you have no tolerance for people who take note of other people’s appearances then you’ll be hating on most of the human population.

[thefooloftheyear]

 

I don't know. There's acceptance of the imperfection which is inherent to humanity, and then there's acceptance of rampant self-neglect. The fact that I had such obvious potential to be very beautiful and he didn't care was like a little slap in the face.

 

.

 

 

A lot of guys say this as a way of controlling women....They don't want their woman to attract any other male attention so they say they like them unkept or heavy....I cant say that's your situation, just that it exists...

 

But that's something women do more to men than the opposite...Most men are very grateful if their woman is conscious of her looks/appearance...Women often don't like guys to look too good, because women are very competitive in this area, and wont hesitate to try to get a guy from even a friend or relative....IME, anyway...

 

TFY

[Cathy7]

Well, I feel that all women usually thrive and glow with inner and outer beauty when matched with the real, true, special man. Sometimes these are men that bring women down to the point that their appearance and natural happiness deteriorates. And the other way round.. i guess there are also those women who make their men neglect themselves. I think that we influence each other's ways of looking/being.

[schlumpy]

I felt disrespected by my ex-husband when he would tell me it didn't matter what I looked like. The way he put it was "as long as I can get my arms all the way around you."

 

I thought that was a pretty good joke Kitty and then I noticed you said "Ex-husband."

[basil67]

The fact that I had such obvious potential to be very beautiful and he didn't care was like a little slap in the face.

 

I've lost count of the times I've reminded posters to not waste time caring about someone's potential - but to accept (or not accept) them for who they are today. I don't see anything wrong with his acceptance of your size.

[amaysngrace]

My exBF told me I could gain weight and it wouldn’t effect my shape and once said he thinks I’d look good if I gained a little weight.

 

Kindest BF EVER!!! whose bday I missed entirely this past weekend. I think I’ll text him now!

[Happy Lemming]

My exBF told me I could gain weight and it wouldn’t effect my shape and once said he thinks I’d look good if I gained a little weight.

 

Over the 4 day weekend, my girlfriend gained 5 pounds. I prepared all of her favorites including home made New York style pretzels.

 

She was very upset, I told her I didn't care if she gained 5 pounds or 50 pounds, she is still the same person and it doesn't affect how I feel about her. I told her, it was a holiday weekend and its OK to enjoy herself, kind of like being on a vacation cruise. Life is short, enjoy some of your favorite foods.

[bluesfan]

Have you heard the saying that “there’s no such thing as an ugly lady, only a lazy one.” Anyone can look pleasant/pretty with a decent amount of effort. From my observations, it matters more whether one takes care of herself or is sloppy about her appearance.

 

 

Cameras and makeup matter too. I mean, look at those news chicks how they look hot on tv but a lot of them without the cameras and lighting look just average looking.

[thefooloftheyear]

Cameras and makeup matter too. I mean, look at those news chicks how they look hot on tv but a lot of them without the cameras and lighting look just average looking.

 

 

Yep....just your average old hag.....

 

TFY

[bluesfan]

 

Yep....just your average old hag.....

 

TFY

 

 

Even the younger ones in their 20s and 30s look a lot better on tv than in real life. Like when you look at their facebook profiles outside of work. Not saying they're ugly but they don't like like 9 and 10 girls like they do on the tv.

 

 

Someone said on here same with online dating and the fancy phones cameras we got that make you look better in photos. When you meet these women they don't have as nice of a face as they do in the pics.

[schlumpy]

 

Yep....just your average old hag.....

 

TFY

 

No way she's a real woman. She was created in a laboratory.

[alphamale]

Someone said on here same with online dating and the fancy phones cameras we got that make you look better in photos. When you meet these women they don't have as nice of a face as they do in the pics.

 

phone cameras are high res whereas real-life is low res

[Burning]

It is so wrong how women are valued by men based upon their looks. They are. Not all men maybe, but the standard guy does. If the woman isn't good looking, then he doesn't want her. Women who landed on the earth with 'below average' looks are of the same value as women who were granted beauty or prettiness. They are humans too. They have ideas, feelings, interests. All the same as the pretty female.

 

I actually dislike males who have this mindset.

 

And of course women too can have this mindset about men, and that too is wrong.

 

Beauty is defined by the 'beholder'. Humans aren't robots. We all have our personal tastes.

Such is why you could put a million people in front of the most stunning of all paintings - chosen from paintings from all around the world and from every era known to man - and at least a quarter, maybe even half, would tell you it's ugly cause to them it's not beautiful.

 

 

Seriously. Next you'll say having a preference for brunettes over blonde is wrong. Or my preference as a woman for broad guys over smaller chaps is awful.

 

And that's what this 'beauty' concept is. Personal preference. Sure one society supports - just as how sociey supports the idea a guy has to be handsome, saavy, affluent and/or loaded.Most mature adults or those looking for long term relationships understand - beauty isn't all that important.

Edited July 9, 2019 by Burning

[Azathoth]

It is so wrong how women are valued by men based upon their looks. They are. Not all men maybe, but the standard guy does. If the woman isn't good looking, then he doesn't want her. Women who landed on the earth with 'below average' looks are of the same value as women who were granted beauty or prettiness. They are humans too. They have ideas, feelings, interests. All the same as the pretty female.

Why is it wrong? From personal experience women do the same.

 

Yes they're humans and many humans are shallow and petty.

[Shining One]

phone cameras are high res whereas real-life is low res

Phone cameras have flattering filters whereas real-life does not.

[LuckyM]

The plain truth is that so many men need a girl with a pretty face and nice bod

in order to get aroused. Or to feel a spark, to get motivated. Including me.

It is partly physiological, part mental.

 

Sometimes a little makeup does wonders.

[stillafool]

It's not just men. I like a good looking face and body to look at during sex too.

[Eternal Sunshine]

It's a losing battle as we age. I now have to be hungry 80% of the time to maintain the same weight as 10 years ago. Not getting fat is harder than you think. I come from a long line of chubsters so my weight has always been a battle. As the skin loses collagen, cellulite is appearing. Even with resistance training I can no longer wear short skirts

 

Also, as women age, their estrogen drops causing them to store more weight around the middle. When I now wear the same jeans as 10 years ago, they are lose around thighs but tight around the middle. It used to be the opposite.

 

So yeah "just don't get fat" lol. Female body works different than male. A man can skip lunch and drop 10kgs in a few weeks. Ridiculous. For a lot of women "just don't get fat" means hunger pangs waking you in the middle of the night. It means headaches from lack of food and feeling light-headed often. And this is just to maintain the weight that would be considered chubby by a lot of men

 

 

P.S. a year or so ago, I had heart arrhythmia and went to ER. They kept me over night because my potassium was dangerously low - often a sign that you are under-eating. They gave me potassium IV. Now I am cheating by getting potassium supplements and still under-eating. My BMI is around 25 so I am almost overweight. Sorry just had to rant on "just don't get fat" thing.

Edited July 10, 2019 by Eternal Sunshine

[bluesfan]

It's a losing battle as we age. I now have to be hungry 80% of the time to maintain the same weight as 10 years ago. Not getting fat is harder than you think. I come from a long line of chubsters so my weight has always been a battle. As the skin loses collagen, cellulite is appearing. Even with resistance training I can no longer wear short skirts

 

Also, as women age, their estrogen drops causing them to store more weight around the middle. When I now wear the same jeans as 10 years ago, they are lose around thighs but tight around the middle. It used to be the opposite.

 

So yeah "just don't get fat" lol. Female body works different than male. A man can skip lunch and drop 10kgs in a few weeks. Ridiculous. For a lot of women "just don't get fat" means hunger pangs waking you in the middle of the night. It means headaches from lack of food and feeling light-headed often. And this is just to maintain the weight that would be considered chubby by a lot of men

 

 

Then some women don't exercise much at all and are still skinny which I don't understand. Bone structure in women I guess is a factor too. If a woman is small bone frame and petite and slim.

[bluesfan]

Phone cameras have flattering filters whereas real-life does not.

 

 

So these women I see on the dating sites who are in their 40s but look outstanding in the face, assuming they're newer pics they probably don't look like that in person.

[Kitty Tantrum]

I've lost count of the times I've reminded posters to not waste time caring about someone's potential - but to accept (or not accept) them for who they are today. I don't see anything wrong with his acceptance of your size.

 

Out of context, it's innocuous enough. IN context, my health was slowly deteriorating, and he chose to undermine me instead of supporting me when I expressed the desire to turn things around. I think TFY hit the nail on the head: it was about control, and not wanting me to be "better" than him in any quantifiable way. He also loved to tell me that I was SO lucky to have him and that nobody else would ever put up with me.

 

That's why I say be wary. A man might genuinely think that his woman is still beautiful and sexy and attractive with some extra pounds - OR he might not care at all because he's just using her for a purpose to which her beauty is irrelevant. THAT man will make you feel ugly no matter what.

[gaius]

If you're ugly you just have to develop the right personality and you can get men interested. Look at Amy Schumer for example. Women don't get much uglier than her and she's happily married.