Boyfriend of 6 months suddenly broke up with me **Updated**

[intdibc]

Hi,

 

My first time ever posting in a thread. So this was my first serious relationship however has now come to an end at 6 months and I feel absolutely gutted. I feel like he just wasted my time.

 

Some background:

So I met him in January at a friends birthday party we hit it off straight away he asked for my number etc. From the start he was so full on already asked me to be his girlfriend after a few weeks after dating. I liked him a lot but always said lets take things slowly he was always the one rushing things i feel. Already wanted me to meet his family straight away, met his sister in March and then his Dad in April. Then I was meant to meet to go meet his mum and dad together over Easter but his dad suddenly got ill so it never happened. I feel like from then onwards maybe things went downhill as he never rescheduled meeting them again. So we would see each other once or twice a week every week. Things were normal up until recently we hadn't seen each other for a few weeks as he went away on a stag do and the week after i went away on a girls holiday.

 

This week we agreed to meet up as it's been ages only for him to tell me he's not feeling things anymore and not seeing me the last few weeks has made him realise he doesn't see a future with me and doesn't want to waste time as he's getting older he wants to settle down and have kids in the next few years. (Obvs I'm not marriage material i guess). I said maybe the break will good and we'll get back together after he said no he know's we won't get back together. As I was in shock I didn't put up a fight I just agreed with him to end the relationship to save myself embarrassment if I told him how i actually felt. I just feel heartbroken as it's so sudden he never showed any signs he wasn't feeling things as he wasn't acting distant over text as he was always the one initiating conversations the past few weeks especially when I was away constantly checking up on me.

 

Also the most random awkward thing happened yesterday evening as I bumped into his mum and dad (my first time meeting his mum). He also said how he's only ever introduced one person to his parents before me although I've never met his mum until yesterday I found it really ironic that I met her after we had broken up. (Weird coincidence or not?)

 

I don't know how he can suddenly change his feelings so quickly. It's such a weird transition from texting everyday to being strangers overnight not one text since.

Do you think he'll come back to me? He hasn't messaged me once since we broke up. i'm trying the no contact thing hoping he'll come back to me. Can anyone please help shed some light as to what happened maybe?

 

Thanks x

Edited January 5, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ExpatInItaly]

Sorry this has happened. It must be very disorienting and confusing to you.

 

Running into his parents was just a strange coincidence, yes. It stings that it happened after you broke up, but that's all there is to it.

 

I am always wary of people who dive right into relationships early on. In my experience, it's often to fill a void or boost their ego or some such thing. Do you know if he'd recently broken up with someone? What's his dating history like? Also, how old are you both? Do you think he might have met someone else?

 

It's impossible to say if he'll come back, though his words make it sound unlikely. However, your answers to the above questions could shed some light on the situation.

[Redhead14]

.....Also the most random awkward thing happened yesterday evening as I bumped into his mum and dad (my first time meeting his mum). He also said how he's only ever introduced one person to his parents before me although I've never met his mum until yesterday I found it really ironic that I met her after we had broken up. (Weird coincidence or not?)

 

I don't know how he can suddenly change his feelings so quickly. It's such a weird transition from texting everyday to being strangers overnight not one text since.

Do you think he'll come back to me? He hasn't messaged me once since we broke up. i'm trying the no contact thing hoping he'll come back to me. Can anyone please help shed some light as to what happened maybe?

No contact is not about getting the person to come back. It is a tool for moving on from a break up for YOU.

 

I don't think his feelings "suddenly" changed, he was just wearing the "honeymoon mask" until he couldn't anymore. People do this all the time. They aren't being themselves in the very beginning and caught up in the newness and excitement of the relationship without really being fully engaged. They sometimes pretend to like things about the other person or that they like or, at least tell themselves they are enjoying it, when in fact, they don't really. After a while, it's hard to maintain that and things start getting "real" for them. They may tolerate it for a while because they just don't know how to break it off or aren't ready, etc.

Edited July 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[intdibc]

He said his last serious relationship was back in 2013 this is who he introduced his parents too. I know he was online dating since that relationship as he told me he was on bumble/tinder/hinge etc but never found anyone serious. So I think I'm the most recent serious relationship since then.

 

I'm 23 and he is 30 I was always wary about the age gap at the start but as I liked him i pushed past it and he always reassured me he didn't see a problem although he obviously thinks it is cos he mentioned it when breaking up. I'm not sure if he met someone else tbh i don't think he has.

 

I think you're right maybe he just used me to fill a void and all his friends are in relationships i think he just wanted to jump into one too, obviously I wasn't a match just wish he hadn't wasted my time if he realised early on.

[intdibc]

I am always wary of people who dive right into relationships early on. In my experience, it's often to fill a void or boost their ego or some such thing. Do you know if he'd recently broken up with someone? What's his dating history like? Also, how old are you both? Do you think he might have met someone else?

 

It's impossible to say if he'll come back, though his words make it sound unlikely. However, your answers to the above questions could shed some light on the situation.

 

He said his last serious relationship was back in 2013 this is who he introduced his parents too. I know he was online dating since that relationship as he told me he was on bumble/tinder/hinge etc but never found anyone serious. So I think I'm the most recent serious relationship since then.

 

I'm 23 and he is 30 I was always wary about the age gap at the start but as I liked him i pushed past it and he always reassured me he didn't see a problem although he obviously thinks it is cos he mentioned it when breaking up. I'm not sure if he met someone else tbh i don't think he has.

 

I think you're right maybe he just used me to fill a void and all his friends are in relationships i think he just wanted to jump into one too, obviously I wasn't a match just wish he hadn't wasted my time if he realised early on.

Edited July 30, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you're right maybe he just used me to fill a void and all his friends are in relationships i think he just wanted to jump into one too, obviously I wasn't a match just wish he hadn't wasted my time if he realised early on.

 

To be fair, 6 months is still relatively early for many people. It is around the time that many will see if the interest is still there when the initial honeymoon thrill fades, and for whatever reason, his wasn't. It hurts but he did the right thing letting you go now instead of stringing you along.

[d0nnivain]

This was your 1st serious relationship so you are missing a few key pieces of knowledge:

 

1. Nobody marries the 1st person they date.

 

2. Meeting the family is not akin to a proposal. Half the time when I introduced people to my parents it was solely because there wasn't a polite way of avoiding it. It was not some blessing on the relationship.

 

3. Any talk of marriage before you had been dating for at least 2 years is a huge RED Flag that you missed.

 

4. Him breaking up with you has no bearing on you as a person. I'm sure you are a good person & "marriage material." However, I'm not so sure about him.

 

 

You dated. It was fun for a while. Now it's over. You are only 23. Go meet new men. Have a good time. You will eventually find Mr. Right. It just wasn't this guy. There are no big picture overarching lessons here other than you need to be more patient & guard your heart a bit more. Slow & steady wins the race; there is no such thing as instant intimacy.

[twatwa123]

Breakups suck. I'm in a similar situation. Recently (just over a month ago) was dumped by my girlfriend, who I'd been seeing for six months. It was quite sudden. And the way she did it REALLY hurt. (A combination of via WhatsApp and in public)

I'm a little older than you. I'm 25. She was 31.

 

What we both must remember, and this is easier said that done I know is that

 

1. The breakup is going to hurt a lot. Our brains have the same reaction to a breakup as drug addicts do when they don't get their fix. This will go off over time.

 

2. As the poster above says, barely anyone ends up staying forever with their first.

 

3. You have time on your side. You'll find someone else someday

 

4. Don't go back onto the dating scene straight away. You hurt. Rebounding in another relationship will make things worse, when your rebound comes to an end, you'll effectively have two breakups to deal with, as your rebound was the painkiller to mask the pain of your first breakup. Go meet friends, take up a new hobby. Just keep yourself busy.

 

5. Maybe he just wanted to jump into a relationship as soon as possible.

 

 

In short: It was never going to last. He probably wasn't that in to you in the first place. Go and find someone who is in to you.

[Blanco]

I'm in my thirties, and it's definitely an odd time if you're single. At that point, most of your friends and peers are in serious relationships or even married with children. Even for us guys, it can be a little anxiety-inducing to be single at that age and it probably makes it tempting to fall hard and fast for someone.

 

What I think happened is he felt that with you, wanted to future-fake it and convince himself he'd found his match. But with more time passing, he came to realize that he probably didn't realistically see a long-term future with you. Six months is pretty standard for those crazy hormones to settle down and give you a clearer sense of the person you're involved with. At that point, you decide if you want to continue or if you've probably peaked with that person and there's no real future in it.

[intdibc]

So my boyfriend broke up with me a couple of days ago. I am absolutely gutted but I've been putting up a facade with everyone telling them I'm fine and I'm not bothered, lying to everyone (friends/family) saying I wasn't happy in the relationship. I feel if I keep saying that it will resonate with me.

 

But I'm really not happy on the inside. I keep going through phases of crying to being okay. Trying to take my mind off it all but hate the timing of it as I have three job interviews coming up and I've been trying to prep for it (my boyfriend was originally helping me with these as he helped me with my job applications)

 

Just really ****ty timing for me. Any advice on how to solely concentrate on my interviews and to put him to the back of my mind.

 

Even at work I'm finding it hard to concentrate as he's constantly on my mind.

[Aleahim21]

I am in the same situation, only that for me it's been a bit longer. It's been two weeks of NC

 

I too have an interview coming up for a good role that I would probably feel very bad if I didn't put in the effort to have a chance at this role! Also, I am in the process of being made redundant and so this added pressure whilst I was in a relationship and it still does now!

 

One thing that got me going in the first and second day after the breakup was to go and sit by some of the other parts of the business where I work. It was so refreshing to see somebody new being excited and talk about how satisfying their job is how many opportunities it creates. Maybe it would be worth doing some research on the new companies you will be interviewing for and see what they do so it gives you a bit of inspiration?

 

I wish it was easier!

[Inspire]

There is no need to lie to your family or even your friends. You're only fooling yourself ... They are your support structure. Give yourself time.

[salparadise]

I am absolutely gutted but I've been putting up a facade with everyone telling them I'm fine and I'm not bothered, lying to everyone (friends/family) saying I wasn't happy in the relationship.

 

The end of a relationship (esp. if not your choice) is a loss. If you loved the person it's a significant loss. It's a grieving process. The way you work through grief is by talking it out and accepting the empathy that friends and family offer. Admitting how awful you feel is cathartic, and helps you begin to heal.

 

You are subverting the process by pretending to be unaffected, and you are rejecting the understanding friends can offer. You need to go back to them and tell them the truth and accept their help. Otherwise you'll be suffering a lot longer than necessary. Accept the goodwill that the people who care will offer.

 

It happened to me two years ago, and while I didn't just tell anybody and everybody, I did share my feelings with those I knew would offer support. I had some amazing people step up and continued encouraging me to talk it out long after it was something they wanted to hear again. There are caring people in the world, and you should be open to accepting their generosity when you need help.

 

Use the upcoming interviews as a legitimate distraction and do the best you can. Schedule your time such that you have interview prep time and grieving time, and keep them separate as much as possible.

 

I'm sorry about your loss. I know how hard it can be. The feelings will pass in time. They are merely how you feel right now –– they are not you. Keep it in perspective. Joy and suffering are one in the same, like light and dark. You can't have one without the other. Accept how you feel, and let it be okay knowing that like everything else, it will pass.

[stillafool]

There is no need to lie to your family or even your friends. You're only fooling yourself ... They are your support structure. Give yourself time.

 

I agree. Now is the time you need your family and friends. They are your support system so don't be afraid of being human.

[intdibc]

Thanks for all the responses guys.

[intdibc]

So my friend told me that my ex has been asking about how I was on Saturday (he knew I was out with some of our mutual friends) he hasn't spoke to me since he broke up with me. My friend told me he texted his cousin asking how I was acting I think to see if I was upset or not. It kinda bothers me that he doesn't have the decency to text me himself asking how I am considering we ended it on good terms.

[ExpatInItaly]

He probably feels guilty for hurting you, OP.

 

I would ask this friend to please not report back to you about your ex anymore.

[intdibc]

So my boyfriend broke up with me a couple of weeks ago, haven't heard from him since. (No Contact on both sides) We broke up because he didn't see a future with me.

 

What's bugging me is he's trying to get my attention on instagram by constantly posting stories, I've been avoiding watching them. Another thing that's bugging me is I have him on Spotify and he's listening to my playlists! Honestly think if he's doing all this - why doesn't he just have the balls to be up front and contact me? He's obviously thinking about me it's just really annoying me. I'm actually getting over him slowly now but these little things just bug me.

 

Sorry just needed somewhere to vent!

Edited July 20, 2019 by intdibc

[preraph]

Maybe because he's just trying to see if you're still paying attention, in order to stroke his own ego. He probably wants to think that you are just sitting around pining for him and so he's baiting you. But don't for a minute think that this means he wants back together. A lot of people do this because they want to think you're doing nothing but moping over them because it's good for their ego.

 

The other thing you have to be careful about is a whole lot of guys who break up with you will certainly come right back around to see if you will ONLY have sex with them. Again, to stroke their egos and, of course, to get sex with no relationship obligations. This is extremely common! So do not fall prey to him coming around acting sentimental because he is just trying to get sex with no strings, no obligations, while he continues to chase other women.

 

If he wanted to get back together, there is a proper way to do it, and it's not posting stuff on Instagram (which you should have blocked him by now and stopped watching!) and it's not listening to your music list. It's calling and saying you made a huge mistake and giving some type of acceptable excuse and admitting they were wrong. But if you keep letting him come back in, it will just keep you tied to one man while he still knows he can leave, chase other women, and return with no problem.

 

So there is no win/win to this scenario for you and you need to block him and stop watching him.

[Highndry]

It sounds like you're assuming these "Instagram stories" are to get your attention, but you really have no idea. You say he broke up with you. Assuming he is trying to get your attention, he is a cruel piece of trash, because no good human being would break up with somebody then toy with their emotions in such way. Consider yourself lucky and move on to a better person.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why do you assume these IG stories are meant to get your attention, OP?

[intdibc]

Why do you assume these IG stories are meant to get your attention, OP?

 

I know what he's like, he used to do it all the time when we did fight and wouldn't speak to each other he would constantly post stories trying to get my attention, he usually doesn't. I've been told he's been asking about me too. I just know how he works. Listening to my spotify playlists just confirmed it. I have too much pride to reach out and I know he's the same.

[smackie9]

Sorry to say this but he broke up to hook up. Me personally would block/delete and move on.

[stillafool]

It would seem that since he broke up with you all he'd have to do is tell you he made a mistake and wants you back; if he wanted you back. If he has a habit of breaking up with you then yanking your chain to get you to chase him back you should block and delete him.

[ExpatInItaly]

I know what he's like, he used to do it all the time when we did fight and wouldn't speak to each other he would constantly post stories trying to get my attention, he usually doesn't. I've been told he's been asking about me too. I just know how he works. Listening to my spotify playlists just confirmed it. I have too much pride to reach out and I know he's the same.

 

If this was happening when you were together, then you need to realize you were in a crappy relationship. Healthy, sustainable relationships don't involve this sort of juvenile behaviour.