lennyor Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 I started learning a new language for personal interest several months ago and have started having a crush on my teacher. I think he may like me too but I am unsure and don't want to cross the lines too much and risk making a fool of myself. I am having private lessons with him but I have found that he goes above and beyond for me. Firstly, he never times our lesson. It's not uncommon for him to go more than half an hour over time and NOT charge me. He ALWAYS goes above and beyond helping me outside of lesson time, sending me recordings, additional vocab, grammar etc. All at no additional cost. We do text each other outside of lessons (usually related to the language I am learning). He knows about a previous relationship break up of mine, as the guy I was with is from the country that i am learning the language. So it has come into conversation during my lessons about the culture etc of the language I am learning that my ex is from there. He says my ex is an idiot for how he treated me and refers to my ex as a 'lucky man' for having had me and he has no idea what he lost and how lucky he was to have me. He often refers to me as a kind and helpful woman. And that I am 'really something' and it's hard to describe me. In a recent lesson my teacher told me I am smart, beautiful and attractive but he said it in the language i am learning - demonstrating how to put phrases together but i am not sure if he meant anything by it or was it really him trying to flirt. When he said that I said to him 'now the truth comes out' and he laughed a lot. The fact he is going above and beyond for me could be that he has a passion for teaching people the language i am learning? He is well known in his field with a book series for learners in the language i am learning etc. Last lesson we had a chat and he told me that he gets so many messages on his phone that he can't answer everyone so sometimes he leaves them waiting a few days if they are not important. I said 'but you always reply to me quickly' and he said that's because he is on my case. Then I made a joke and said I am going to be busy studying and that I may not always reply to him quickly and he said 'don't you dare' Sometimes when he sees me online late at night he will message me and ask why am i awake and he tells me to get sleep - he worries about me not sleeping well etc and says i need to get more sleep. Is he coming across as a caring person or could there be something more here? He knows my age - but i don't know his, however i do know he is about 20 years my senior (approximately) Can anyone shed any light here please? I am really attracted to him! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 Assuming this person is a private language teacher & not a college professor, I do think he's interested but he's being appropriately hesitant given your age difference & the way you met. He knows about your past relationship, but what do you know of his personal life? Under the guise of practicing your conversational skills get him to open up more. Flirt with him a bit & see what that gets you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lennyor Posted July 7, 2019 Author Share Posted July 7, 2019 Assuming this person is a private language teacher & not a college professor, I do think he's interested but he's being appropriately hesitant given your age difference & the way you met. He knows about your past relationship, but what do you know of his personal life? Under the guise of practicing your conversational skills get him to open up more. Flirt with him a bit & see what that gets you. Yes, he is a private language tutor. I do know he was married previously and now divorced and has one adult child. But he has not gone into any further detail and I have never asked as I don't want to overstep the mark. I am worried about making a fool of myself. When he has sent messages and gone above and beyond, I have several times with 'Thank so much for doing this for me' and I have placed heart emojis in my texts but he has never said anything about those or ever replied with anything like that. Any tips how to flirt with him without going over board? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 (edited) He's a man...if he wants to date you, he will eventually muster up the courage to ask you out. It's possible he is already dating, or he still loves his wife and isn't ready to move on yet. For now you do nothing but learn the language and enjoy his company. Just me but what you posted about your interactions with him is that he's grooming you for not so good intentions. But it could be totally innocent. If I were you I would confirm that he IS truly divorced. Edited July 7, 2019 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 Yes, he is a private language tutor. I do know he was married previously and now divorced and has one adult child. But he has not gone into any further detail and I have never asked as I don't want to overstep the mark. I am worried about making a fool of myself. When he has sent messages and gone above and beyond, I have several times with 'Thank so much for doing this for me' and I have placed heart emojis in my texts but he has never said anything about those or ever replied with anything like that. Any tips how to flirt with him without going over board? As I've gotten older I've found that words are meaningless and actions speak for themselves. He could very well be interested, and simply bidding his time to see if a possible relationship with you is actually worth it. Or, as noted, he may not be over his ex wife and may not want to commit to anything serious at this point in time. But if you really wish to break the ice, ask him out for a cup of coffee. Nothing more, nothing less. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 To me, I'm getting a fatherly vibe toward you from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunlight72 Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 From what you've written, I'd say he is certainly attracted and flirting with you. I don't get a fatherly vibe - complimenting you in the subject language and in English on your looks, etc. and what a fool your ex-boyfriend is, etc. is romantic interest. It sounds like he is hesitant, as you are his student he probably he doesn't want to violate his own moral limit by asking you for a personal relationship, and also finds it hard to believe you would find him attractive and doesn't want to make a fool of himself. If you want to see what he's really thinking, I agree with TheOutlaw's idea - you could ask him something like, "Would you like to meet for coffee and not talk about studies?". I know a woman who teaches adults, and though she occasionally has a crush on a student, she feels strongly that it is inappropriate for the teacher to ask out the student (and I think it is inappropriate too). She also feels if the student asks out the teacher, they couldn't date until the class ends because it would be awkward for the other students and difficult for her to pay appropriate educational attention to other students in that class... since no students have asked, nothing has ever happened. Since you are a private student, things might happen sooner if you are both interested. OP, you're an adult (right?), and if you'd like to have a romance with this teacher, you'll likely have to take a little risk and ask him out for a personal meeting. I do agree with smackie - first find a way to make sure he is divorced and not living with his ex, and if possible, make sure he's not dating someone else either. But if that's all clear, then take a little chance. Best Wishes, Sunlight 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted July 7, 2019 Share Posted July 7, 2019 There’s nothing wrong with dating your private tutor. But I would wait until you are done with his lessons. How much longer do you plan to have lessons with him? You can invite him to lunch or give him a small thoughtful gift to thank him for going above and beyond in helping you at the completion of your tutoring relationship, and see how things go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lennyor Posted July 9, 2019 Author Share Posted July 9, 2019 I will be learning from him for quite some time as I am in the early stages of learning. I wanted to flirt with him today in my lesson this morning but I got cold feet LOL However, he did say something a bit odd. He asked me in English to say in the language I am learning 'What were you doing yesterday?" and then when i said it he said to me "Spill the beans what were you doing yesterday" and he said it in a fun and playful manner. Then I giggled and didn't say anything - I wanted to say 'thinking about you' but i thought it was too out there. Then he shocked me and said in the language i'm learning 'I was talking to...." then he said the name of my ex. After that he proceeded to ask me if i had spoken to my ex yesterday - and of course i said no way as i haven't had contact with my ex for months. Is he fishing if my ex and I have contact or was this really for language purposes? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 How old are you and how old is he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lennyor Posted July 9, 2019 Author Share Posted July 9, 2019 I am mid 30's and he is approximately mid 50's from what I gather. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lennyor Posted July 9, 2019 Author Share Posted July 9, 2019 I forgot to mention there are times when we can't meet for in person lessons, we meet online via webcam for lessons and one time he was trying to do a screenshare and he said that if he shares his screen he may then not see me on camera and i said 'that's good' and he said 'no that's no good' I don't know if I am reading into all this too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lennyor Posted July 10, 2019 Author Share Posted July 10, 2019 Update: I did a bit of light flirting but unsure what to make of his response. Yesterday evening I sent him some casual messages to practise the language I am learning and we were going back and fourth and all was well. Then I said in the language I am learning under the pretense of practise 'You are very sexy' he read the message and no reply for 24 hours. So today I sent him another message asking him if he's shy (in the language i am learning) and he replied with 'Yes, very shy' How do I take this? Interest? Polite? No interest? I haven't replied and i am not really sure what to do from here. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 I'm sorry but i don't think this is appropriate at all. He is teaching you. I don't think he is interested in the way you are thinking, judging by the non-response to 'you are very sexy'. You probably made him feel a bit uncomfortable. This all just sounds like a bit of banter on his part but he is backing off a little because he knows you are now seeing it as serious. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 I forgot to mention there are times when we can't meet for in person lessons, we meet online via webcam for lessons and one time he was trying to do a screenshare and he said that if he shares his screen he may then not see me on camera and i said 'that's good' and he said 'no that's no good' I don't know if I am reading into all this too much. You are reading too much into this. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 Hah he sure didn't know how to respond to that. I think you should just simply return to the way things are and carry on.....leave it alone. I might add that was very bold of you out of the gate...maybe be more subtle next time. Like practice saying, would you like to go for a walk with me, or would you like to come over for a home cooked meal, or would you like to join me for lunch, etc. Just hint. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobbyb82 Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Update: I did a bit of light flirting but unsure what to make of his response. Yesterday evening I sent him some casual messages to practise the language I am learning and we were going back and fourth and all was well. Then I said in the language I am learning under the pretense of practise 'You are very sexy' he read the message and no reply for 24 hours. So today I sent him another message asking him if he's shy (in the language i am learning) and he replied with 'Yes, very shy' How do I take this? Interest? Polite? No interest? I haven't replied and i am not really sure what to do from here. I think that was really bold..lol There's nothing wrong with it, but that's jumping in the pool....instead of just putting your feet in. I think it shocked him though, especially if he's shy. There are guys that would have lit up with that message though. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 I understand the fun you are having but you need to understand that two people of the opposite sex who are working closely together often form a bond that is misconstrued as romantic. Please witness all the unlikely romances among work colleagues where people look at each other and say, "I didn't think he/she was their type." This happens often with team members on intense projects. If you wish to pursue a relationship with this man you need to get to know him outside the confines of teacher and pupil. Once you have to put some effort into seeing him you may become more clear headed about what you are doing. Remember you don't know much about him and consider that he may be telling several other young women how beautiful and lovely they are while charging them money for language lessons. You could be a job perk as far as he's concerned. You need to know a lot more about him before you lower your defenses. Best Wishes Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 No update from the OP for like 2 weeks.... Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 lol, I know teaching adults myself, I was quite happy to offer extra hours tuition to a pretty Russian blonde, while I used to find it frustrating having to stay late on a Friday to give extra tuition to an annoying "know it all" bloke, rather surprisingly if you know me from some other posts, I have not really used this avenue much in terms of hooking up with women mind! He certainly enjoys the attention of a younger female student that is for sure, Id guess he would be interested romantically but has probably just assumed that you are out of his league, that you would never be interested in an older guy, no update as the previous poster says, I think it is safe to assume that the action has been hotting up:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author lennyor Posted July 24, 2019 Author Share Posted July 24, 2019 Hello everyone! Sorry for the delayed reply, I have been so busy. We are flirting but things are not really progressing. A few lessons ago he was teaching me what he called 'bedroom language' lol it was tasteful such as kiss me, come closer to me etc I then 'practised' what he taught me and sent him messages saying 'kiss me' and he replied with where lol We are communicating like this a lot and he is messaging me everyday but it seems to be going nowhere really. I really like him but i don't know how to proceed. The other day we were joking and i said to him 'you're a sex maniac in disguise lol' and he replied with 'how did you know?' LOL Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 25, 2019 Share Posted July 25, 2019 He needs to put his big boy pants on and ask you out. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 25, 2019 Share Posted July 25, 2019 Is he strictly an independent tutor, or does he work for someone who may have rules? Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted July 26, 2019 Share Posted July 26, 2019 Personally I think if he was genuinely interested he would've asked you out by now. Sounds like it's all just fun learning and banter. Nothing serious. Link to post Share on other sites
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