LostInLimbo Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 Never thought I'd be back again , it's been awhile since my last post but here goes. Been Dating someone for almost 7yrs if not 7yrs to almost this day, I've been feeling the distance from her for a long while. I finally again got the courage up to say do you really wanna be here all this time it's been yes but tonight to no surprise it was no and asked if I could give her a month to find some where to go I said yes. It's not been a good relationship and I've been in this situation before with others I guess my question is a common one, if I've not been happy for several years why do I feel so terrible and depressed right now, especially given the fact of being unhappy, maybe because I've just turned 50 and think am I still really going through this at 50? Thanks for reading , I suppose I'm just looking for support more then anything LiL Link to post Share on other sites
MINAKO Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 You are free to worry over any relationship, especially if it was a significant part of your life, but please, do not worry about the age factor. I mean that from my heart. My mother is older and still in an unhappy situation, and has been with that person for many more years. I do not believe these things has anything to do with age, but rather, how much of the hurtful relationship you can keep taking. You have dealt with this bad relationship for 7 years and finally now, you cannot take it anymore and it is most likely why you feel depressed now and not earlier. Because now, finally it has become too much of a burden and you no longer wish to be with someone who does not wish you be with you just as much. Sure it was a long time, but at least it was not 17 years. Or 27, or more. You are still young, you have so much life ahead of you. Even if you were 80, it does mean that you will no longer encounter people like her, unfortunately. People go through these situations at all points of their lives, it is never unique to younger people. I completely support you in this and if anything, it is much better to leave now and look forward to the future, rather than to stay and dwell on the past, wondering why you are in these circumstances. You deserve so much better than this, whether you are 9 or 90. You deserve real love. Life will give you another chance, as it always does, but only if you give yourself another chance too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostInLimbo Posted July 8, 2019 Author Share Posted July 8, 2019 Thank You Minako, so many great points you have mentioned which brought back I something I now remember telling myself in other break ups I've had " I rather be unhappy for a little while then to be unhappy for the rest of my life" Thank you again, reading your response actually lifted my spirits a bit LiL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MINAKO Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 You are so welcome! Well said. Always remember you are absolutely valuable and worthy all the love you could ever imagine - that is something time can never touch. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostInLimbo Posted July 8, 2019 Author Share Posted July 8, 2019 Thanks Minako for taking the time to read and respond LiL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 Any change brings anxiety. Even if you're in a bad situation. It's a known. Most are affraid or anxious about the unknown. Normal Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted July 8, 2019 Share Posted July 8, 2019 Change and loss are hard. I don't think it gets any easier as you get older. I think it's harder in some ways because aging can also bring up a lot of emotions. When I went through breakups in my 20s, I just moved on, but it was harder in my 30s. I think you just start to question other things as you age, and relationships can provide stability as you question those things. Even subpar relationships are hard to let go of because change brings up all kinds of emotions. Seven years is a significant amount of time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostInLimbo Posted July 9, 2019 Author Share Posted July 9, 2019 Just an update to my story, this is day two since the breakup and she had asked me to give her a month to move out (she was the one who wanted to leave which is fine) I said yes a month is fine She came home from work and isn't even speaking to me, made dinner for herself and silence, so now I'm regretting the month as I'm feeling extremely awkward in my house (bought prior to our relationship, about 9yrs prior) Do I retract giving her a month to get things in order? Let her know how I feel? And ask why she's not talking to me or do I leave things go and let the 30 days or so take its course Thanks LiL Link to post Share on other sites
spiritedaway2003 Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 Do I retract giving her a month to get things in order? Let her know how I feel? And ask why she's not talking to me or do I leave things go and let the 30 days or so take its course Thanks LiL Sorry you're in the situation. Can you just pretend you're just roommates and not worry about feelings. It does take time to move out and find a place. To retract it all of a sudden (when she hasn't done anything other than retreating into her own world) seems a little harsh? But it's your place, so do what you need so. Again, so sorry you're in this situation. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 (edited) Do I retract giving her a month to get things in order? Are you financially able to pay for an extended stay hotel or corporate apartment for a month?? If so, tell her you'll pay for it and have her things moved there to avoid the awkwardness. See if she will go for that. Edited to add: Sorry you are going through this, but sometimes relationships just run their course. 7 years is a good run, don't be too hard on yourself. Edited July 9, 2019 by Happy Lemming 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostInLimbo Posted July 12, 2019 Author Share Posted July 12, 2019 Decided to leave my own home to give her space, bit nervous because she has someone coming in I never met (female) but giving her the benefit of the doubt. She leaves in another week (Friday) figure this would be easiest and also gives me some time to myself instead of trying to avoid so she can pack, or going for 3 hr walks and hoping she asleep when I return. I don't like having to leave and spend money to stay somewhere but felt right and as mentioned, it's some get away time for me LiL 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 ...but giving her the benefit of the doubt. Good luck with that... Is everything insured if she burns your place down on her way out?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LostInLimbo Posted July 12, 2019 Author Share Posted July 12, 2019 Good luck with that... Is everything insured if she burns your place down on her way out?? Having neighbors that will be there is better than having insurance Link to post Share on other sites
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