In search of meaning and fulfillment- a 10+ year journey

[ICS]

Years ago, I was stuck in a 5 year long relationship that was difficult for me to get over. I loved my girlfriend but it was not meant to be.

 

After that relationship ended, I took a nice long break as with most people, and then casually dated every now and then in short bursts. During that period, I learned to (and still do) appreciate being happy on my own terms, without the need for external validation or the need for a girlfriend to feel happy. None of the relationships were special enough for me to pursue long term, and some of them didn't work out because of incompatibility, which is fine. In the last 10 years, I partaked in many adventures and experiences by myself. I didn't mind it. If anything, it made me more self-sufficient and appreciative of everything. I have seen the Northern Lights in the coldest months of winter and awed at the marvel of the star-lit universe at the Grand Canyon, and everything else in between. I had a heck of a great time.

 

Although I still do many things on my own - starting 3 years ago I went out on a limb and truly discovered my favourite hobby of portrait photography. In fact, never before have I pursued anything in life so relentlessly. There is just something so special about having an excited team who believe in the beauty of my ideas and trust that I would deliver outstanding photos for the entire team. It's really a series of social projects that brings like-minded people together with me at the helm.

 

Later on, I realized that this hobby allowed me to meet some genuinely interesting women. As I became better at my craft, the women in my projects became drawn to my confidence and vision, and to me as a result. This was never my intention, but it was real, and some great friendships and almost-relationships materialized. It was fantastic, as my hobby became something that allowed me to truly explore my interests and to provide many chances to have another meaningful relationship again. After all, it's been more than 10 years since I had a genuine relationship that I care about.

 

Now, why am I writing this? Where is the problem?

 

It turns out that I am not getting younger (early 30s), unlike the women, who always end up being early or mid 20 somethings as that is the time in the life where they often explore such interests before settling down later. I would not be surprised if many such women consider me to be too old for them.

 

Each project is very time consuming and I am lucky to do 1 photoshoot per month because of my day job, and I do not currently have another outlet to both explore my hobby and to meet women. Even more strange is that women that I have met outside of my photography circle often have very tainted views of my hobby. I have met several women who are either jealous or became emotionally detached from me as they have the notion that taking photos of women makes me a sleazeball. Despite the many artistic awards I have won for my photos, they solely focus on the fact that I take photos of women - something that is taboo? By the way, the photos I take are artistic and narrative driven, not sexual and not nude.

 

Also, my day job, which has allowed me good financial stability - has mandated me new responsibilities that has made setting up photoshoots ever more difficult. I secretly wish that I could find an exit and find a more fulfilling job, but that's not easy right now as my field is very limited and would require me to completely switch fields to pursue something different. I started to pursue a photography-based project 1 year ago with the goal that it would one day replace my day job, but perhaps I don't have the connections or understanding of the market to turn it into a realistic goal.

 

So, being in the prime of my life, I have not felt as excited and confused and stressed and scared about the future as right now. I have tasted success but not attained it completely. I am self-sufficient and yet wouldn't it be nice to find another meaningful relationship again? On top of that, I have not found stability in my career either. If we add all that together, it's a bit disheartening as I can see all my goals slipping away like the sands of time.

[chillii]

The next 10 yrs are the absolute primest years of a mans life , career wise, money, women , dreams, all of it.

But yeah , of course not many outside of your work will be interested in being with you because of your work and you'll hear it all.

l was a painter nearly 15yrs , lived a lotta that, comes down to the right woman for you but eh, it still does anyway whatever we're doing .

[Osho]

I just followed someone on IG that all he does is teach how to grow your photography business. His page is full of really good info.

 

Pour all of your energy into expanding. Make more business connections with people. Set goals for that. Learn pricing and don’t ever be “and then” guy (and then I will be successful)

 

Join seminars. Let go of this idea you’re trapped at your job because of your schedule. The more you push for your passion to take off fully the faster everything will start falling into place. And the more happy you are the more successful you’ll be at doing what you love. Don’t worry about age as your taste changes so will the women who approach you.