My Dilemna

[Stevo2]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for just over a year now. Recently she has been telling me that she is considering leaving increasingly frequently. She often gets angry with me over minor things and then refuses to talk about them.

 

There is a guy who used to like her before we started dating. He obviously still does, but has been on holiday for almost a year. He sent her a picture of himself in Japan and her comments were along the lines of "so damn hot/yummy".

 

Finally, he gets back at the end of this year, while I myself am away for three weeks. She says that she still loves me but I am worried about this guy and her relationship with him. Whenever I bring it up she brushes me off, then later talks to him about it. I am going to talk to her about him but what do you think, will she leave me, or are they just good friends and I am being paranoid.

[Art_Critic]

That's a toughie..

 

If you believe her then everything is fine .. But

 

If you believe her then you are just a time gap filler till the guy that really trips her trigger comes back..

 

I don't know what to say .. I would discuss/press the issue over her reaction to his picture further and see if you can get her to come clean or make you feel more secure

 

my 2 pennies

[Bryanp]

How do you think your girlfriend would be acting if the roles were reversed?

I don't think she is acting the way a girlfriend should? It sounds like she is looking around for somebody new. You can count on it that she will meet up with this guy.

[Tiny Dancer]

Hi Stevo2. I'm sorry about your delima. It sounds to me like she's probably not ready for a fully committed relationship. Otherwise she wouldn't continue to say that she may be leaving you and she wouldn't keep making comments about the other guy. I don't think it means that she wouldn't choose you if she were ready for such a commitment, just that she's not to that level of emotional maturity yet.

 

Which relationships work and which ones don't is frequently a matter of timing. It can be a difficult fact to accept, especially as it sounds like you have probably already reached that point.

 

I agree with Art that you should press the issue with her. If you address the matter from the point of her readiness for commitment to an exclusive relationship, as opposed to "why are you interested in him if you love me?", she may be less defensive and more open to talk about her feelings. She obviously isn't finding fault with you, just expressing her need for a change. Which brings me back to questioning her readiness for a commitment.

 

So yes, I think she will make an effort to see this guy while you are away. If you want to know the truth about it then give her room and understanding at that point. Whether you leave the door open to continue the relationship or pick it up later depends on how much you can compromise your own feelings while waiting for her.

 

Good luck to 'ya.

[Copingsaw]

Your relationship is apparently in trouble and I wonder if your making it about him when it probably goes deeper than that. After a year a relationship will more likely break off because somebody is not happy ... not because of some long lost crush.

[Cecelius]

Recently she has been telling me that she is considering leaving increasingly frequently. She often gets angry with me over minor things and then refuses to talk about them.

 

Forget about the other guy. This is all you need to pay attention to. A girl will not discuss breaking up with you until she wants it to happen -- she just wants it not to be her fault. Second, when a GIRL won't talk about her feelings, you are in big trouble.

 

It is done, and it is just a matter of time before she breaks up with you. Don't worry about the other guy -- just save your dignity.