Author soulforge Posted August 24, 2019 Author Share Posted August 24, 2019 I got a bit uncomfortable reading this thread. She has obviously had a really hard life, and I'd guess the reason why she wanted you around when that pornographer stayed over was because she's frightened of him. The sex industry is very exploitative and often dangerous. No, it's not your responsibility to 'save' her, and I wouldn't date someone with that many red flags either. I think you're right to walk away. But there's a lack of empathy here that feels disturbing. If I did fall for a man who was obviously troubled I hope I'd walk away with compassion and not just harp on about how hot he was, how sexy, how horny and likely to cheat he might get when doing coke, and conclude that I need to learn to go for quality over sexiness (right after wondering if we could be FWB). You've made it clear that she's really suffering, and it comes across as callous when you just keep talking about her looks in a situation like that. She wouldn't be good for you, but it's unlikely you'd be good for her if this is your reaction. You both need somebody different. You really are stuuuuuuuuupid. She was ABSOLOUTLY not scared of this old pornographer.. And she certainly did not want me around to protect her at all... Lol What a absurd suggestion. I can guarantee you, if she had a choice between a healthy relationship with me or keeping that pornographer around? She would choose the pornographer! They have worked together for many years, indulding in nudity and Pornography. He was her enebaler.. She loves him.. It is almost like a pimp type relationships. And why shouldn't i question how she would behave under the influence of cocaine? These are valid and genuine questions that should be considered. Its a well known fact, people under the influence of cocaine and alcohol both, feel more sexual and confident. Yes i do feel sorry for her for her childhood experience.. However life isn't a ***in Disney Movie or a rehearsel. We have All experienced hard times, hardships and even traumas, but most people take the higher path and overcome these issues. They don’t induldge in drugs and sex for there entire life and then just blame the world, and play victim. Not only that... They lie about there past, and suck you into a relationship only to reveal there true colours ONCE you are already invested. Spare me your pitty!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted August 24, 2019 Author Share Posted August 24, 2019 What woman tells the guy she is dating a month into The relationship, that she has had a 4sum and a 3sum before? Am i supposed to feel proud of her at This point? Feel sorry for her, because she suked several mens diks all at the same time. She is a 38 year old adult. At some point in life you have to learn to respect yourself. God has blessed her with beauty... And she used it only to Make money and for male attention. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueV12 Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 You still miss her and wish you could be together with her right? I'm in the same boat in my breakup right now. It sucks so much. Link to post Share on other sites
assertives Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 God has blessed her with beauty... And she used it only to Make money and for male attention. Beauty isn't always a blessing. It can be a curse as much as a blessing though. She will have no lack of people being attracted to her for her looks and sex than people who genuinely care for her as a person. I do wonder also if her destructive promiscuous behaviours is a by-product of that though. She probably noticed that way too many people are only interested in getting into her pants, that she may end up thinking that sex and looks is what buys her "love". I do kinda feel for her. Hopefully she breaks out of this destructive cycle and learn to love herself more. Link to post Share on other sites
balletomane Posted August 24, 2019 Share Posted August 24, 2019 (edited) You really are stuuuuuuuuupid... Spare me your pitty!! Someone telling you things you don't like to hear doesn't automatically make them stupid. If you'd been abused as a kid you'd have difficulty respecting yourself too. I worked in a medical clinic for survivors of child sexual abuse and the sex trade for six years, so I do know a lot about this. Assertives is right - this woman has probably learned that sex is the only way to get care. That's pretty common among abuse survivors. Given that you've talked about nothing but how hot she is, you certainly seem to only be interested in her for that. I never said that you should accept those behaviors in a relationship, that you shouldn't question the impact of cocaine use, etc. I just find it very telling that your main concern was that it might make her "horny" and likely to cheat on you...right after wondering if you should consider a FWB situation with her, presumably so you can still have sex with her without worrying about her cheating on you. And now you're bringing up God to criticize how she acts? All religions generally teach you to look at your own actions first... I also didn't say you had to feel "proud" of her. I didn't say you should be in a relationship with her or be obliged to look after her. I'm just pointing out that deciding whether or not to date someone isn't like being a customer in a store deciding if this product is going to be good for you. It's about the welfare of both of you, or it should be. If you can think about her with a bit more empathy you might actually find it easier to move on. Edited August 24, 2019 by balletomane 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted August 25, 2019 Author Share Posted August 25, 2019 You still miss her and wish you could be together with her right? I'm in the same boat in my breakup right now. It sucks so much. I miss her.. But to be honest, I feel like i dodged a ballet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted August 25, 2019 Author Share Posted August 25, 2019 Someone telling you things you don't like to hear doesn't automatically make them stupid. If you'd been abused as a kid you'd have difficulty respecting yourself too. I worked in a medical clinic for survivors of child sexual abuse and the sex trade for six years, so I do know a lot about this. Assertives is right - this woman has probably learned that sex is the only way to get care. That's pretty common among abuse survivors. Given that you've talked about nothing but how hot she is, you certainly seem to only be interested in her for that. I never said that you should accept those behaviors in a relationship, that you shouldn't question the impact of cocaine use, etc. I just find it very telling that your main concern was that it might make her "horny" and likely to cheat on you...right after wondering if you should consider a FWB situation with her, presumably so you can still have sex with her without worrying about her cheating on you. And now you're bringing up God to criticize how she acts? All religions generally teach you to look at your own actions first... I also didn't say you had to feel "proud" of her. I didn't say you should be in a relationship with her or be obliged to look after her. I'm just pointing out that deciding whether or not to date someone isn't like being a customer in a store deciding if this product is going to be good for you. It's about the welfare of both of you, or it should be. If you can think about her with a bit more empathy you might actually find it easier to move on. I am concerned only about how hot she was you say? Well yes! What else did I have to praise her for.. Was she deeply caring and loving towards me? no Was she a good communicator? no Did she Make efforts to communicate with me? no Was she honest and truthful about her past life with me? no Did she try her best to resolve conflict with open communication? No The Only thing she exceled in with me... Was sex! What else do you want me to remember her by? Other than sex, she wasn't bringing much else to the table. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 25, 2019 Share Posted August 25, 2019 I am concerned only about how hot she was you say? Well yes! What else did I have to praise her for.. Was she deeply caring and loving towards me? no Was she a good communicator? no Did she Make efforts to communicate with me? no Was she honest and truthful about her past life with me? no Did she try her best to resolve conflict with open communication? No The Only thing she exceled in with me... Was sex! What else do you want me to remember her by? Other than sex, she wasn't bringing much else to the table. Totally agree. She would hardly even hold your hand. She severely limited the relationship so how are you supposed to feel emotionally connected to her, or empathetic? You are a man looking for companionship, you're not a social service agency. Anyone who will truly be able to help this woman will be someone who is not emotionally connected to her, IMO. You are getting over her. Keep on moving in that direction! Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted August 26, 2019 Author Share Posted August 26, 2019 (edited) Totally agree. She would hardly even hold your hand. She severely limited the relationship so how are you supposed to feel emotionally connected to her, or empathetic? You are a man looking for companionship, you're not a social service agency. Anyone who will truly be able to help this woman will be someone who is not emotionally connected to her, IMO. You are getting over her. Keep on moving in that direction! You Make a point there about holding hands. Well we went to the cinema after two and a half months of dating and it felt odd, that we didn’t hold hands or cuddle etc. Even when she did hold my hand, it felt a little forced or I felt like she was holding back. When a chick holds your hand, she usualy holds it tight.. She was holding it, but very lightly. This is where things become a Mind *** lol She claimed to have intimacy issues.. So it is difficult to tell what is actualy going on. Is the lack of affection due to her having low interest in me... Or is the lack of intimacy due to her having intimacy issues lol After a while you start to feel a little insecure about the relationship, as you feel like she doesn't care much. But then it could be just her issues getting in the way. Like i said... Mind *** Edited August 26, 2019 by soulforge Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge Posted August 26, 2019 Author Share Posted August 26, 2019 Someone telling you things you don't like to hear doesn't automatically make them stupid. If you'd been abused as a kid you'd have difficulty respecting yourself too. I worked in a medical clinic for survivors of child sexual abuse and the sex trade for six years, so I do know a lot about this. Assertives is right - this woman has probably learned that sex is the only way to get care. That's pretty common among abuse survivors. Given that you've talked about nothing but how hot she is, you certainly seem to only be interested in her for that. I never said that you should accept those behaviors in a relationship, that you shouldn't question the impact of cocaine use, etc. I just find it very telling that your main concern was that it might make her "horny" and likely to cheat on you...right after wondering if you should consider a FWB situation with her, presumably so you can still have sex with her without worrying about her cheating on you. And now you're bringing up God to criticize how she acts? All religions generally teach you to look at your own actions first... I also didn't say you had to feel "proud" of her. I didn't say you should be in a relationship with her or be obliged to look after her. I'm just pointing out that deciding whether or not to date someone isn't like being a customer in a store deciding if this product is going to be good for you. It's about the welfare of both of you, or it should be. If you can think about her with a bit more empathy you might actually find it easier to move on. You are excusing her behaviour, simply because she was a victim as a child. Guess what... Life is ***in hardship, misery and sometimes torture. But we have to hold strong... Do you think she is making threads online right now? Hell noooooooo! She is moved into the next poor guy... Who will get love bombed, and bombarded with kinky sex... She will offer him 3sums and 4sums.. She will play the innocent victim. Her next victim will fall for the sex... One day he will be chewed up and spat out. Then he will be making these threads and feeling suicidel and regretful for ignoring the red flags. Welcome to the world of Cluster B Save your damn pitty. Link to post Share on other sites
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