I Should Know Better Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 I was just reading some on the threads and I got so sad. I lost my best friend today. Well, that’s what it feels like. I am a MW with children. I have been in contact with a MM via social media for 10 months. The exchanges were first online only. We talked about everything. We share the same interests. We have been married the same length of time. And have mirror lives. Same marital issues etc. It wasn’t until April that I finally met up with him. It’s only been physical for a few months. But it’s been intense and passionate. A little over a month ago, I packed and left my husband. I moved back home where MM lives. I can’t honestly say I left for him. I was truly unhappy and have been for years. I assumed that the affair would stay carefree. But with me being in the same city, things quickly grew. MM began calling me 6-8 times a day. Wanting to see me everyday. He’s even encouraged me to file for a divorce. He’s made comments of leaving his wife. He told me he asked her for a divorce. I’ve never asked nor hinted for him to do that. I just figured he’s just as unhappy as I am. He gives me gifts. He gives me advice. We tell each other secrets. He’s met up with me in public (his idea). But then all of sudden he’s gone MIA for a day or 2. The first time he got mad with me because I had to cancel meeting up. This time it’s because I was unavailable again. My life has been revolving around him when my kids are away. I started therapy and my therapist thinks I’m losing sight of the larger issue. My marriage. So today I decided to end it. Last time he went MIA on me, I attempted initiated NC and he got so angry with me. When I did try to get him back, he ignored me for 3 days. Then when I gave up, he chased me. Sounds manipulative? I don’t know. I thought it was because he loves me. I feel so stupid for even getting in this situation. I know it’s a possibility that I’m only looking for the Love I wasn’t getting from my husband. But it really felt like MM was my best friend. Like we have something special. Now I’m wondering if I was just naive. I’m crying over MM when I haven’t cried one day over my husband since I left. Am I crazy or dumb? What can I do to move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 (edited) Am I crazy or dumb? What can I do to move on? To move on you firstly need to stay no contact, work on your own issues that you seem to have so you can be happy with yourself, then one day find someone else to be with. Edited July 9, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator rude 1 Link to post Share on other sites
notmyfinestmoment Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 Welcome I Should No Better... I am sorry you are in this situation. As you read through the threads it is amazing how many of us have found ourselves here and I am sure you never expected you would be in this position. I have to say that I am a little concerned with his reactions. It sounds passive aggressive and the way he is behaving is really unfair especially since you have sacrificed a lot to be with him. I know A's are not the healthiest of relationships, but adding this layer of behavior takes it to a whole new unhealthy. I really think it would be better if you can stay NC. It won't be easy and many struggle with it (including myself). I think that will be your only way through it though. He is not done contacting you, so you really need to decide how you want to move forward. Also you may want to look up limerance...it might explain some of your feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 . Am I crazy or dumb? What can I do to move on? You are neither of these things. You were someone vulnerable who got involved in a bad situation that you are trying to get out of. As someone who has ended the A more times than I can count only to remain right back in it I can say that it hurts at first but it gets better. Stay the course and focus on healing and being happy outside of OM. We all deserve happiness and support even if we make a bad decision. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiceCat Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 We're all a little crazy and a little dumb to knowingly get involved with married people. But you appear to have found your marbles and hopefully are on a healthier and happier path. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I Should Know Better Posted July 9, 2019 Author Share Posted July 9, 2019 I just looked up Limerence. And it sounds like exactly what my therapist was trying to explain to me. I was hesitant of posting on here. But this information is truly helpful. Yes he is passive aggressive and possessive. I blocked him and deleted my social media apps. He can’t contact me, as far as I know. Now I have to stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
notmyfinestmoment Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 Limerence is something that has been mentioned to me on several of my posts (thanks Mark C) and I looked into it. You should be proud of yourself for blocking him. I am not a huge fan of blocking people, but in this situation, I think it is self-preservation for you. I would think it is hard enough being in a normal relationship with someone who is Passive Aggressive and Possessive, let alone in an A. Stay strong and keep positing when you need to talk! Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 Sounds like very normal and standard behavior of a MM in an A. You deserve better. Hopefully you go full NC and move on to find it. Link to post Share on other sites
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