QueenDeath Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 I don’t understand how someone could be so cruel. How, in May he tells me that he’s a ****ed up person, he just wants to be left alone. He’s a ****ty person, and I’m over here worried ****less about this guy because I cared about him deeply, and I wanted to make sure that he was okay. I wanted to make sure that if he needed anything, that he could always just ask me because I’m there for you and I know what it’s like to be going through whatever it is and not have someone there. So I was there. This happened like 3rd/4th week of May. In that very same week, he then tells me how he wants nothing to do with me and my emotions, and honestly y’all. I was at first heartbroken (still am, but wait there’s more) I’m upset and hurt at this guy because I just like showed to you how much I care about you, how much I would be there for you, but then you want to tell me that you want nothing to do with me nor nothing to do with my emotions, and then I’m just like “fine, you know what, bet!” But truthfully that week of May and hitting June have been hard for me because I didn’t understand what I did to this guy besides showed that I cared. So I’m here heartbroken, begging my Gods and Goddesses to remove this pain because I couldn’t deal anymore. I couldn’t deal with that kind of heart and then having my friends say my eyes are screaming that they are hurt, and then breaking down into tears. Then last week he wants to come back, and me with my always giving people chances self took him back, and he wants to act as if he didn’t say those things and do those things. I honestly just cracked, and then I ask him why does he keep coming in and out of my life constantly, why does he keep doing that if he doesn’t want to stick around? Like why come back for the 4th/5th time. (No this wasn’t the first time, but this being the most recent made me just lose it and something in me just broke) And then he wants to tell me how “oh, you’re always texting and bothering me” that’s because I have all of these questions on why you treat me like this and how he likes to say “oh, I didn’t do anything wrong to you, at least I didn’t **** you and then ghosted” and how he likes to say that he walks with God and whatever And I’m here like whenever I do something wrong or make a mistake towards you, I have to take responsibility for it but the minute I say you did this that hurt me, you tell me you didn’t do anything wrong. You tell me how you see nothing wrong with what you did and when I call you out on what you do to me, it’s an issue. But if the tables were turned, I’ll have to take responsibility so ****ing fast like, and then he blocked me and it’s like How the **** can someone say that they didn’t do anything to hurt you. Guys, I can’t. My heart is breaking, and it hurts so much that I tried to express that and he refuses to see that, he refuses to see that it’s because of what he did and said to me in May. After all I did was cared about him deeply and be there for him, and tried to understand him. This is what he does? Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 Nobody can explain his words or actions... but the first step is get him out of your life completely. No talking, meeting, texting, nothing. Secondly only time will help you with the pain. Thirdly one day you will meet someone who will be the complete opposite and will appreciate you for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 We can't really know what motivates him. He sounds like a selfish person, but it also appears that you know this about him. The question to concentrate on now is why you keep letting him back in your life. He has showed you he doesn't really care and isn't taking you seriously, so it's time to take a stand for yourself and stop all contact. Caring about someone does not guarantee they will do the same. It's a tough but important life lesson. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 why does he keep coming in and out of my life constantly, why does he keep doing that if he doesn’t want to stick around? Like why come back for the 4th/5th time. Because you do not know how to enforce boundaries. He does this because you allow it. He isn't going to change so you're the one who needs to change and stop tolerating his BS by cutting him out of your life completely. You have the power to stop this cycle. Be a strong, mature, secure, independent woman who has respect for herself and takes control over what happens in her life and stop being a "victim" and a door mat. Pick up the mat and close the door and lock it. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 To be honest, you both sound rather high maintenance. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 I might be more sympathetic if this was just on/off maybe twice. But 4 or 5 times. Paleeze. It sounds to me like they are both on some kind of ego trip -- getting off on knowing there's someone who just can't get over them. He's thrilled just knowing she's so hooked on him and he can come and go as he pleases whenever he's horny with no expectations or boundaries and she's in her fantasy world each time he comes running back because she's imagining that he suddenly realized he can't live without her when it's just that he's horny and doesn't have another option at the time. OP, you are complicit in your own misery . . . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 A better question would be: why do you keep taking him back? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 Look, you need to believe people when they tell you they're a jerk! And then stop trying to change them. They're not going to change. They'll get more older and more bitter with time. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 I'm sorry but he does not sound all that interested in an emotional relationship. He opts out and then comes back later when he feels like it. If you let him come back, then you are tolerating bad behaviour and he is learning that he can get away with treating you like that. He will not value or respect you if you tolerate rubbish treatment. He does not sound very nice actually but then you sound quite blaming. Instead of blaming him for how hurt you are (and you are bound to feel hurt by the rejection he has been dishing out) it would be better to get him out of your life. If a guy does not treat you well, do not blame him, dump him! Deprive him of your love, time and attention. It is pointless blaming men and confronting them about bad behaviour or disrespect, just show them the consequences - that they will not get to be with you. Eventually, after ditching the disrespectful guys, you end up with the one who treats you well. However, if you are determined to blame a guy for how he makes you feel instead of dumping him, you will end up in high-drama relationships. Men are not likely to learn anything from blame, other than to battle with you and ultimately avoid you. Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 He only cares for you only when it's convenient for him. You need to put whatever you feel towards him to the side and do what's right for you and drop him for good because it's doing nothing more than hurting you. I understand the feeling because I've been there. But when I cut off said person for keeps I was far better in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 The sooner you take responsibility for and control of what goes on in your life instead of giving so much power to others and assigning blame/having the victim mentality, the better off you will be. It is way past time for you to grow a set and show this guy that he is no longer dealing with the same pliable, naïve girl he used to be dealing with and kick him to the curb once and for all. Stop whining and learn from this mess and start being the kind of woman that will attract a man who will treat you with the respect you deserve and will behave like a man who is worthy of a woman's love and attention. This guy is a POS. You can do better. Link to post Share on other sites
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