major_merrick Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 I'd like to know - food garden or flower garden? My husband kind of matches the description of the guy in the OP. Always busy, doesn't sit down, doesn't come in until after dark. That's because he's got work to do, and is trying to keep things up and do stuff for the rest of us. And yeah, toddlers are NOISY. After a long day at work, sometimes outdoors is exactly where a guy wants to be.... And that should be OK!!! If you want to talk with him or hang out, go outside and help out a bit. Outdoors in summer isn't my favorite thing, but in the evening I'll wander out for a bit and pick some cucumbers or grab a couple of quarts of blackberries before the mosquitoes try to carry me away. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 9, 2019 Share Posted July 9, 2019 How long has this situation been going on? Is gardening a year long hobby or just during growing season? You say you are growing apart but it seems like it must be a recent observation since you are just now noticing it. Can the children claim you both as natural parents or are they adopted? Do you both work? I think we need more (or at least I do) details. Best Wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Author Joanne36 Posted July 9, 2019 Author Share Posted July 9, 2019 I don't work at the moment and my partner is not either at the moment Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 How long has this situation with your partner been going on Joanne? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 According to my circa 1860's book about keeping a house, PRW is correct. It's a woman's duty to keep the house and children in order so that he can come home from a busy day at work and relax. Edit: I just read that husband is not working. The 1860's book would also say that the husband should do whatever it takes to be a good provider for his family. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 If you want to talk with him or hang out, go outside and help out a bit. Who cares for the OP's toddler while mom is outside having quality time with her husband in the garden? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 Most men get the luxury of picking their spots when and where they interact with the kids. Not anymore, no. This ^^ is fast becoming an example of disengaged parenting (a guy who chooses to interact with his kids whenever suits doesn't sound like a great role model, to me). Plenty of good fathers do experience stress raising a 2yo (and a 14yo as is OP's case) even if it's a different type of stress. OP, I hope you were reassured in that you aren't unreasonable, and that it's perfectly ok to raise issues with your partner whatever his mood, whether he's working or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 Not anymore, no. This ^^ is fast becoming an example of disengaged parenting (a guy who chooses to interact with his kids whenever suits doesn't sound like a great role model, to me). Plenty of good fathers do experience stress raising a 2yo (and a 14yo as is OP's case) even if it's a different type of stress. While I agree some change has occurred, there are still far more SAHM's than SAHD's. So if you're referring to the financial stress of providing for a family, then yes. But far more of the hands-on responsibility, and resulting stress and burnout, for child-rearing continues to fall on women... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 So if you're referring to the financial stress of providing for a family, then yes. I just think parenting is a shared job so stress is equally shared in different ways. I was just replying to PWR's first post (reply 5) so I wasn't really sure why you quoted me along with PWR, as it was not my point at all to say fathers were more (or far more) stressed all the time (though I assume some fathers might be). Regardless, OP's partner may or may not be stressed, but the main point is that he's shutting OP out and she is perfectly justified in sharing her concerns with him, especially as they are raising a 2yo and a 14yo together. Link to post Share on other sites
Curiousroxy86 Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 (edited) @little I could be wrong but I thought mr lucky was actually agreeing with you against what Prw was saying Adding your quote along with his quote provided context on what the conversation was about in which mr lucky wanted to respond to I could totally be wrong but that’s how I took it when I read it Edited July 10, 2019 by Curiousroxy86 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 I could totally be wrong but that’s how I took it when I read it Thanks, you are correct. I was indeed taking issue with the assertion that raising a 2-year old is somehow more stressful for the father, most of whom work, than it was for the mother, most of whom are with the child all day - every day... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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