GF Cheating

[yoof1874]

My girlfriend and i have been together for over a year,we have had our ups and downs like most couples and we argued alot of the time over stupid stuff. Then she got pregnant and subsequently had an abortion at the start of this year - i haven't got a clue how this messes up a girls emotions and stuff but it put her in a really dark place even with my full support.

 

We had a really weird month or so after the abortion where she wasn't sure whether she wanted to be with me(i had a feeling something was off).

 

A couple of months down the line and we managed to get through it and it was really good until i got the chance to check her phone. It has been in the back of my mind that i must find out why she was being so different all of a sudden with me in that month when things weren't good at all. I found she had been messaging a lad sending snap chats back and fourth during that time so I instantly asked her about it. She broke down and told me that she was in a weird head space where she felt she could entertain someone. She said they had met on a night-out and exchanged details and she just entertained something over text.

 

I took a week to call off and asked for her to meet me because I really love the girl and i know she feels the same and theres a chance we can get through it. We spoke at length about what happened and she promised me there was nothing to it. To which i replied i wanted his details because i was going to message him myself and check what she was saying. She didn't give me his details she refused and insisted it would make things worse. This was a test as his snap chat was already in my head from the messages i had found previously, so i messaged him and he relayed the fact that she was in a **** place and they met on a night out and they only spoke on that night.

 

There stories seemed way too similar so i told her that he had told me they had met a few times(Not what he told me). This is when she broke down yet again and told me they had met and gone out to drinks and for fast food and as much as i didn't like to hear it he helped her with things and picked her spirits up when she was in a very bad place but she said that she will never understand why this lad was just alright with picking her up and letting her just talk about her problems.

 

I couldn't stomach this so I had a few weeks break to get my head clear and thought about whether i can believe what shes said or if i thought anything more happened. I know when we are with each other that i wont think about it what so ever but its when im on my own i tend to think about things and if there was anything more. Even after this i do see a future with her or am i just being very naive? any help on what to do would be appreciated

[elaine567]

She is your gf not your wife, you do not have 3 kids and a mortgage to worry about.

Dating is the time you sort out the wheat from the chaff, she is chaff, sorry to say...

 

Trust is gone, it takes 3-5 years to get over a cheating incident, you as a single guy do not need to bother.

Get rid and find a loyal gf

[doyathinkso]

Dating, boyfriend/girlfriend stuff is a job interview.

 

 

She has now come up short on the interview, failed it.

 

 

Time to move on to the next candidate.

[schlumpy]

It really is up to you.

 

You already know through your clever handling of the situation that she lied to you and that they are still in contact in that they got their stories aligned.

 

I think you believe there was more than talk and lifting of spirits and it will probably come spilling out at some time in the future when she feels she is in a more defensible position.

 

It all depends on whether you view her being with another man as a deal breaker.

 

Best Wishes

[PRW]

Then she got pregnant

I assumed you helped with that a little bit?

 

and subsequently had an abortion at the start of this year - i haven't got a clue how this messes up a girls emotions and stuff but it put her in a really dark place even with my full support.

How could you not know? Abortions have been happening at a rapid pace since the 1960's. The emotional baggage and side effects are well known and well established.

 

We had a really weird month or so after the abortion where she wasn't sure whether she wanted to be with me(i had a feeling something was off).

Well of course, think about it from her perspective as a potential mother who has the natural maternal instinct to care for a child. You got her pregnant and then "supported" her as she got rid of it. So the abortion was just a birth control method to get rid of something you didn't want. So what you told her is that you just wanted to get laid and didn't want to take any responsibility for it. You wouldn't even directly admit in this message that you were the one to get her pregnant.

 

A couple of months down the line and we managed to get through it and it was really good until i got the chance to check her phone.

Until you got a chance to check her phone? That looks really bad on you.

 

that time so I instantly asked her about it. She broke down and told me that she was in a weird head space where she felt she could entertain someone. She said they had met on a night-out and exchanged details and she just entertained something over text.

That is woman speak for "You ain't it any more". She is shopping for your replacement, and she has the right to do so. Women do this in this manner because they are afraid of retaliation (sometimes violent) from the guy they are currently with.

 

To which i replied i wanted his details because i was going to message him myself and check what she was saying.

A really weak thing to do.

 

She didn't give me his details she refused and insisted it would make things worse. This was a test as his snap chat was already in my head from the messages i had found previously,

Manipulating her.

 

There stories seemed way too similar so i told her that he had told me they had met a few times(Not what he told me).

More manipulating her.

 

This is when she broke down yet again and told me they had met and gone out to drinks and for fast food and as much as i didn't like to hear it he helped her with things and picked her spirits up when she was in a very bad place but she said that she will never understand why this lad was just alright with picking her up and letting her just talk about her problems.

It is impossible for her to get this kind of understanding from you, so she will get it from someone else. She needs to get away from you and find someone else. You on the other hand need to re-think your whole approach on everything. You are too self-centered/self-focused.

[preraph]

It doesn't sound like she did anything more than talk to the guy. At the time, have you committed to her that you were both exclusive? If not she did nothing wrong. If so, she had what sounds like a friendship with a man who supported her like a friend and I guess hid it from you.

 

But I have no way of knowing if you to have an agreement that you were exclusive and committed. You saw her messages it sounds like so were they flirtatious or more just talking? If they were flirtatious and all lovey dovey and I'm going to leave him and what are we going to do, that's different. That's cheating.

[Osho]

Two years ago I was that guy that picked up a friend who needed a ride.

She was in a unhealthy relationship and I was truly just trying to help. She’s a Gemini and me a sag, explosive combination. And I met her through a friend that was talking about my ability to read people’s energy issues. Read her and was spot on according to her. That was the same time I learned she was Gemini. I immediately told her that I could never be in a relationship with a Gemini again and warned her that if she started to catch feelings for me to let me know so I could back off on giving her rides to and from places. She asked why and I told her that Gemini are attracted to intellectual and intelligent men. She laughed and told me I had nothing to worry about.

 

Two days later while giving her a ride home we stopped at A fast food joint for her to eat and out of no where she spilled her guts about her issues with her boyfriend and how she treats him and lies. (Part of my reading on her)

I gave her a lot of advice and a few metaphors and so on. To help her understand how she was affecting him and the relationship.

 

After I got home I received a text how she was starting to catch feelings for me. Apparently me being accepting of who she is and her not having to hide was a breath of fresh air and very attractive to her..... to this day I’m still just her friend and I had to back away from her a few times to avoid her advances.

 

My point is that my intentions were altruistic. I believe hers were too in the beginning but led her beyond just wanting to be friends. Even recently she contacted me to hang out and then ghosted me after hanging out twice because she was starting to catch feelings again.

 

I’ve also been in your shoes with an ex and can say for certain that I learned the hard way that once trust is broken it will be exhausting to both parties.

Wondering if your girl is lying is a red flag for you. And always a good time to exit the relationship and find someone who never makes you wonder.

Trust and communication are the foundation for a good relationship and you can’t build a house on mud.

[Poutrew]

Concerning the abortion. How positive are you that you were the father and not the other guy?

[loversquarrel]

Next time you feel the need to look through a phone stop yourself and then realize that it's time to call it quits. That kind of doubt is enough.

[Springsummer]

Dating, boyfriend/girlfriend stuff is a job interview.

 

 

She has now come up short on the interview, failed it.

 

 

Time to move on to the next candidate.

 

Interview is an interview. You just talk and last a short while.

 

You don't actually do the job. He got her pregnant.

 

It is more like tested drive a car, racked up some mileage in the car then more on to a better car.