a wealthy abusive boy ruined my life

[Bluevoice]

I am a 29-year-old girl from the middle east currently living in Europe (Germany). I am a master’s degree student in Berlin.

 

In January 2018, I met this guy who was coming from a noble family. His father is a famous person in Berlin, and I met him in a gallery of my university.

 

He was 36 and a freelance photographer. He seemed so attractive to me with his accent and his bohemian style. We met several times after that, and he looked charming.

 

Little by little, I felt that I loved him, and he confessed that he loved me too. He came every night to see me.

 

One night he picked me up and took me to a lake and took beautiful pictures of me there. Sometimes he would have my portrait painted. He was so romantic and since his family was famous in the city and we had some mutual friends I trusted him. I should have known that everything was too good to be true.

 

One day I had a terrible toothache, and I asked my male friend to take me to the hospital because I couldn’t speak German very well at that time and he wasn't around and we were just dating for one month so I thought it's not appropriate to ask him for help. He found out and came to the hospital, and later he checked my phone because he didn’t like my male friend. the first red flag which I didn't take it serious enough. I saw signs of severe jealousy in him but I so stupid to run away immediately.

 

People call me attractive, usually, when I go out, people look at me and stuff, and he got even jealous of that. He was scared to lose me and used to check up on me at the university and everywhere I went every day.

 

At first, I thought they were signs of love, but I couldn’t be more wrong. He was possessive, egoist, jealous and mentally unstable.

 

He translated my messages to my brother and sister, and he hired a Hebrew speaking person to translate my tweet because apparently, Google translate was not enough for him. When I found this out, I tried to break up, but he came to my room every single night and asked for forgiveness. He cried and begged. I did. I did forgive him, which was the worst decision of my life.

 

Another time he found some texts from a male friend, normal texts. I was in his parent’s villa. He started brutally beating me, and his mother was there, and she said nothing, she said a lot of racists things to me then she asked me to get out of their home. It was in the middle of nowhere, in the woods. I ran out screaming with blood on my face. He was a psychopath.

 

he wasn't there for two weeks then I realized he had photography and painting exhibition, he showed my naked body (without my permission) to thousands of people. I froze. He won a prize for a photo of my body!

 

He used me; he consumed me. I was his source of inspiration. When I disagreed, he threw some racists comments into my face. I tried to run away, but he blackmailed me, he threatened me. He told me that he would come to my university and misbehave in front of my friends.

 

He deleted my Facebook page and Tweeter account. I ran away anyway. One night he came to my room and asked me to talk to him out on the street. I lived in the old part of the city; the street was narrow and dark. It was around 11 pm. After a discussion, he started beating me up. A girl saw us and her dog started barking and attacking him eventually he ran.

 

The nightmare continued; he blackmailed me again, I threatened to go to the police, and I went. His father called me and told me that if I registered my complaint, he would ruin my life, and he will try to send me back home. I know in Germany, the law was stronger than the words of an affluent person, but I was scared. Eventually, I withdrew my complaint, but the police told me that they registered his name anyway.

 

 

 

He came back again, so in April of 2018, I moved to Sweden to escape from him. He followed me there because a supposed friend told him where I was. He came to my friendÂ’s house in Sweden, and I couldn’t do anything because of his violent threats and my dignity didn't allow me to show my secret to my friend and his husband. I thought it was my fault I blamed myself and I still do.

 

The struggle continued until Agust 2018. I still have some marks on my body. I moved back to my country. I stayed there for six weeks. When I went back to Germany in October, he started again!

 

Finally, in October 2018, I come to Italy as an Erasmus student so that he couldn’t find me. After three months of struggling, he stopped texting me. I asked all of my friends not to mention where I am in front of him.

I still scared to walk alone at night. I live in a small and beautiful Italian city but I can't enjoy anything. I hate myself and my life.

 

Now I blame myself. Why did I withdraw my complaint? Why I scared of his father? Oh, I forgot to say I stayed in a “safe house” belonging to an NGO in summer 2018 for some days dedicated to women like me.

 

My main intention for this post is to warn women like me to be aware of the signs and red flags you see. I am so vulnerable now. I am on a scholarship, and I can't afford a therapist.

 

I emailed an NGO seeking help, but mentally, I am in hell. I wish I were dead. I am ashamed of myself and my life. the story I told here was just the part of his abusive manner, I am ashamed to even write here the entire story. I wish I could at least tell my entire story to someone.

 

I was a very happy girl. I had so many dreams and hopes for the future. My life was so beautiful, but now I am isolated. I am scared of every single person. Every sound during the night makes me frightened. I feel old and tired inside. I can’t study anymore. I have lost everything. I have no fight left in me now.

 

I don’t want to play like a victim. I had a traditional upbringing that showed a girl should stay silent in whatever circumstances. my situation is the result of racism in my own family. only If I was more confidence and strong everything might end in a different way. I am the result of my bad decisions. Please don’t let your girl turn into someone like me: a coward, a loser.

please teach your girl to be strong to stand up for her right to speak up.

 

Here I am now, needing some kind words. Something that assures me it wasn’t my fault. I need a warm hug. I need positivity in my life.

 

Thanks for reading my the story. Please don’t blame or judge me. I know my mistakes. I know that I am a loser.

Edited July 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
duplicate post

[Beendaredonedat]

You are not a loser, you are a victim of a sociopath or a psychopath and his enabling and codependent, mentally deficient parents.

 

Go to your university's psychology department and ask to speak to a therapist. Your tuition should cover any costs for that (at least that is the deal here in Canada). At least enquire about it anyway and maybe they can direct you.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome due to his abuse.

 

You are free of him now so don't let him win. Be the best you that you can be, get your degree, become a successful, independent woman of confidence and leave him and thoughts of him and what he did in the dust where they belong.

 

Here is a warm hug through the Universe to you (( )) *Don't let him win. You are better than him.

[d0nnivain]

You are not a loser. However you would benefit from some counseling to gain back your self esteem. Reach out to your embassy in Sweden & Germany for help.

[Bluevoice]

Thanks for your reply. I call myself looser because i shouldn't have accepted him in my life over and over again. I shouldn't have paid more attention to red flags. Well, since 2 days ago he's been calling me. He is trying to reach me. I am dating an Italian guy now. I explained him my situation and he freaked out I guess and he left. Well, now who is the looser?

[Bluevoice]

Hello @dOnnivian, well since I prefer not to get my embassy involved in this situation because they might call my family. I don't want them to come here and make everything worst for me.

[d0nnivain]

At least go see some kind of battered woman's counselor.

 

Personally I don't think you will get your power back until he is tried & convicted for what he did to you but you don't sound strong enough to deal with the legal system now.

[Beendaredonedat]

Well, since we are continuing on in this thread I'll repeat what I said in your other:

 

You are not a loser, you are a victim of a sociopath or a psychopath and his enabling and codependent, mentally deficient parents.

 

Go to your university's psychology department and ask to speak to a therapist. Your tuition should cover any costs for that (at least that is the deal here in Canada). At least enquire about it anyway and maybe they can direct you.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if you weren't suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome due to his abuse.

 

You are free of him now so don't let him win. Be the best you that you can be, get your degree, become a successful, independent woman of confidence and leave him and thoughts of him and what he did in the dust where they belong.

 

Here is a warm hug through the Universe to you (( )) *Don't let him win. You are better than him.

 

... Adding: If he is a stalker then contact the police and keep everything he sends you text, emails, everything. Get a copy of the report the police have on file and report him for harassment. Or: Go to a lawyer and ask him/her to write you a cease and desist letter on your behalf.

 

... Stop telling men you are only just starting to date about this guy. Just do something to get him off your back.

 

Well, since 2 days ago he's been calling me. He is trying to reach me.

How does he keep getting your contact information? Edited July 10, 2019 by Beendaredonedat

[healing light]

I second the motion to go to your university's counseling center/student wellness center.

 

Change your number. Change your e-mail. Whatever method he is using to contact you, change it. Block him anywhere and everywhere. Keep screenshots and a log of any communication or threats he gives you. If for whatever reason you end up engaging with him (don't), make sure everything is in writing. Keep a record of it all in case you need to get a restraining order or file any type of report with the police.

 

Sounds like you are suffering from PTSD. You are not a loser.

 

Btw, photographers need signed releases from their modeling subjects. Just FYI in case you ever decide to take legal action against him.