DeprezzedGal Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 (edited) My husband and I have been married for 3 years and been together for a total of 10 years. We have no kids since he doesn’t want one yet. We both have a full time job, so when we go home we’ll be just super lazy with housework. I do my best to do the chores just before bedtime and I always want to have a clean sink every night. My husband, however, he just a pain in the bum with housework. Like the biggest headache ever. He wouldn’t wash the dishes for 4 days if I wouldn’t tell him to wash it. He would just leave his worn clothes on the floor and wouldn’t take it to the hamper. He’s just a slob! But anyway, the major problem is... he’s taken me for granted. Besides being a slob, whenever i want to talk to him to express my feelings of hurt, he will just shush me coz he’s still playing on his PC game. If it’s bedtime and i still want to talk about my hurting feeling he will still shush me coz he wants to go to sleep. I dont know what to do. I’ve tried to talk to him so many times. He will just avoid me. By the end of the night, he will snore away and will sleep peacefully while I sometimes would just cry in silence. I’m thinking of leaving him. I’m so fed up. He makes me feel depressed. Edited July 10, 2019 by DeprezzedGal Link to post Share on other sites
loversquarrel Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 Did you not know he was a slob before marriage or is this a big surprise? It's been my experience that sloppiness is a character trait and not something that happens overnight. If that's the case then you deserve a larger slice of the blame pie as you cant expect someone to change just because you like things a certain way. Now that being said, it's on him for not communicating with you especially if you have been trying to discuss the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 A simple solution and one that you may also benefit from. Tell him that you can't pick up his share of household chores so, you are hiring a cleaning service and then do it. Look into what video game he is playing and if it is multi-player get a gaming computer and invade his online world. When you aren't slashing at each other with swords (read cathartic release) you can do so some virtual hand holding. Best Wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeprezzedGal Posted July 10, 2019 Author Share Posted July 10, 2019 I somehow knew he was lazy but we had a serious discussion with it before we got hitched. He promised me to do his part in the house. We had this discussion multiple times beforehand. Now, when i want to communicate. He’s just putting me off until I forgot about it or until I just swallow the hurt and move on with my day. Or cry at night in silence. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 Are you crying at night because the house is dirty? Have you thought of hiring a housekeeper? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DeprezzedGal Posted July 10, 2019 Author Share Posted July 10, 2019 @stillafool no i’m crying at night coz he doesn’t want to talk to me. To communicate with me. I dont mind hiring a cleaner or someone but my point is he doesn’t want to have a proper talk with me. I cant sleep at night coz im mad at him while he snores the night away. Link to post Share on other sites
Flame Aura Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 @stillafool no i’m crying at night coz he doesn’t want to talk to me. To communicate with me. I dont mind hiring a cleaner or someone but my point is he doesn’t want to have a proper talk with me. I cant sleep at night coz im mad at him while he snores the night away. Well you definitely need to tell him how you feel. If having a conversation is not possible how about writing a letter about your feelings. In it make it clear you are unhappy and you did not get married to be unhappy. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 Don't break up over the chores. Just get a housekeeper & both learn to compromise. My husband used to retreat to his man cave & not talk to me. That was kind of OK with me unless I needed to talk. We came to a compromise. I don't do it often, less than once per week, but when I say we have to talk, he turns off the video games & comes to the table. I get his full attention. We talk & then he goes back to his games. As the years have gone by he's come out of the cave more just to talk in general. You can work through this if you can get over that initial hurdle to make him listen & not shush you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 10, 2019 Share Posted July 10, 2019 Is there something specific you want to talk to him about but he won't listen? Link to post Share on other sites
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