vshnpriy Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 (edited) I recently joined a job, and this guy who is 7 years younger to me, approached and started talking to me, saying I'm beautiful.. I told him i am older, he doesn't mind all that though, he talked to me, said he liked me, he wants to go out with me, etc.. I wasn't interested at first, but we just went to have a drink one day.. i started to fall for him,I got so attracted.. So after that though, I noticed at work, he talked less and less, no more compliments, no more staring at me, or smiling at me.. Now we barely talk.. he suddenly shut down.. He will randomly talk to me after 2 weeks...yesterday he spoke after a long time, was all over me flirting, saying how he wants a hug from me, showing his affection through his words, staring at me with so much 'LUST'.. He also said, "I don't talk to u daily, because I get crazy feelings.." when I left for home, he even said I love u.. So now maybe I know why he shuts down for a long period..Maybe he is worried about getting too attached to me or falling for me.. Again after all that talk and laughs yesterday, he again shut down today and did not talk.. he took my number yesterday, then why do that if going to stop talking suddenly for a long period of time? Thing is, I also don't initiate talk, because I am like let me leave him alone, as he said he gets "crazy feelings" when he talks to me.. so I just leave it and ignore too.. But I feel bad, why just shut down on me? This random behavior of his feels bad.. How do I handle this? Edited July 11, 2019 by vshnpriy Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 (edited) Unbalanced, unstable, potential stalker. You might wake up in the trunk of a car, in a sack, with duct tape around your wrists. Surely you aren't the only attractive woman to work there. Ask the others about him and find out what happened, he has surely done the same to them when he first "noticed" them. You're just the latest "fresh one" to come along. You already posted this exact same story a week ago under a different subject line and got about 9 responses. Why are you reposing it again? Edited July 11, 2019 by PRW Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 It is a little odd. Maybe you're not the only female in the office that he doing this with. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 I can guarantee you you aren't the only woman he acts that way with. He loves women and is probably a Player. He isn't in love with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vshnpriy Posted July 11, 2019 Author Share Posted July 11, 2019 Yes it is odd, so I am wondering why ? He told me he gets crazy feelings if he talks to me.. I didn't understand how this makes him a player?? He could have other girls who knows, but I'm just talking about how he behaves with me.. every time he talks to me, his words are filled with rather, affection or lust.. He likes me I know that, he told me himself.. But I just don't know how to handle him shutting down suddenly.. isn't it weird.. who does that.. ? Like what do I do, do I also ignore then? and then reply when he talks again? Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 OP you forgot to mention that you are married and in your last thread you said this guy has made it clear that he would be happy to have sex with you. So there is no big mystery here. The guy is not interested in you beyond a possible roll in the hay. He's not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with an older married woman. That idea is ridiculous to him. He's likely pursuing other available women but occasionally hits on you when he's bored and nobody else is catching his eye. He will happily bed you if you let him but afterwards he will be done with you for good. He will enjoy the sex you give him but he will also feel disgusted by your willingness to cheat on your husband, with a coworker . I've met his type. Knew a guy who used to bed married women. He liked hitting on the married hotties because they were easier to get into bed than the single hotties who had their pick of available men. He'd brag about how he just had to stroke the married woman's ego with some shallow compliments and flowery words and they would be drooling for him in no time. So he'd go after the married ones for easy sex and he had a great time but he also felt a certain contempt for these women who so easily cheated on their husbands. He certainly didn't regard them as girlfriends or feel anything romantic for them. As he put it, why would he want a woman who is a cheater? I thought he was disgusting. How should you handle this? You should be cordial and professional when you have to interact with him for work purposes and that is all. He is not your friend and he's definitely not ever going to be your boyfriend so stop acting like a lovelorn teenager and face reality. Put your energy into spicing up your marriage and stop risking your professional and personal integrity for a player. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vshnpriy Posted July 11, 2019 Author Share Posted July 11, 2019 OP you forgot to mention that you are married and in your last thread you said this guy has made it clear that he would be happy to have sex with you. So there is no big mystery here. The guy is not interested in you beyond a possible roll in the hay. He's not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with an older married woman. That idea is ridiculous to him. He's likely pursuing other available women but occasionally hits on you when he's bored and nobody else is catching his eye. He will happily bed you if you let him but afterwards he will be done with you for good. He will enjoy the sex you give him but he will also feel disgusted by your willingness to cheat on your husband, with a coworker . I've met his type. Knew a guy who used to bed married women. He liked hitting on the married hotties because they were easier to get into bed than the single hotties who had their pick of available men. He'd brag about how he just had to stroke the married woman's ego with some shallow compliments and flowery words and they would be drooling for him in no time. So he'd go after the married ones for easy sex and he had a great time but he also felt a certain contempt for these women who so easily cheated on their husbands. He certainly didn't regard them as girlfriends or feel anything romantic for them. As he put it, why would he want a woman who is a cheater? I thought he was disgusting. How should you handle this? You should be cordial and professional when you have to interact with him for work purposes and that is all. He is not your friend and he's definitely not ever going to be your boyfriend so stop acting like a lovelorn teenager and face reality. Put your energy into spicing up your marriage and stop risking your professional and personal integrity for a player. Wow thanks for the thoughtful reply.. Some of what you say has truth, but I am different, I am not easy.. I can't speak for other married women, Whether married or single, I think it all depends on the person.. There are married ppl that ARE NOT easy.. and there are SINGLE GIRLS who will THROW themselves at others.. From what he says, its only these Single friends of his that come behind him, message him, blah blah.. and he says to me, how I am not "annoying" like other girls.. so that should tell you, I am not Easy at all, in my life I have only dumped.. I have a LOT of ego myself, I never initiate talk with him or go behind him..I am rather careless.. Just wondering how to handle this guy, I sit right next to him at work and it is difficult..and what's the guarantee he finds a girl that is NOT going to cheat? We can't make assumptions. By the way, if he himself is a player he has NO RIGHT to judge me. Link to post Share on other sites
Orokotikki Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 (edited) "Players" or cheaters have little regards for the rights of others, whether to judge or otherwise use them. Edited July 11, 2019 by Orokotikki Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 12, 2019 Share Posted July 12, 2019 Wow thanks for the thoughtful reply.. Some of what you say has truth, but I am different, I am not easy.. I can't speak for other married women, Whether married or single, I think it all depends on the person.. There are married ppl that ARE NOT easy.. and there are SINGLE GIRLS who will THROW themselves at others.. From what he says, its only these Single friends of his that come behind him, message him, blah blah.. and he says to me, how I am not "annoying" like other girls.. so that should tell you, I am not Easy at all, in my life I have only dumped.. I have a LOT of ego myself, I never initiate talk with him or go behind him..I am rather careless.. Just wondering how to handle this guy, I sit right next to him at work and it is difficult..and what's the guarantee he finds a girl that is NOT going to cheat? We can't make assumptions. By the way, if he himself is a player he has NO RIGHT to judge me. Sorry, but the fact that you are a married woman entertaining this guy the way you are says to him that "you are easy". A MW who isn't easy would have shut this guy down, put him in his place and demanded respect of her marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author vshnpriy Posted July 14, 2019 Author Share Posted July 14, 2019 (edited) Sorry, but the fact that you are a married woman entertaining this guy the way you are says to him that "you are easy". A MW who isn't easy would have shut this guy down, put him in his place and demanded respect of her marriage. Hmm true, yes u r right.. But I am someone who doesn't shut someone down if they approach or talk to me, my thinking is, why push them away.. So I just talk to him, and I enjoy so far, as we make jokes, laugh.. so I am like why, why ignore him...but I m not easy in the sense that I will go behind him, or text or call or initiate talk or pursue him myself Edited July 14, 2019 by vshnpriy Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 You shut him down because it's clear he's not just being friendly and you don't allow flirtations like that to test or disrespect your marriage. You don't have to be rude or unprofessional, but ignore any comments that are of a personal nature. Clearly he's getting signals from you that you are open to his attention. The fact that you are posting about this also says that you are receptive, at least to being flattered, by his attention. Not something a happily married woman who wants to stay that way would be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted July 14, 2019 Share Posted July 14, 2019 I can guarantee you you aren't the only woman he acts that way with. He loves women and is probably a Player. He isn't in love with you.A player would have more skill and know what he is doing. Give the players out there some credit. Link to post Share on other sites
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