wifey86 Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 Hi everyone. I’m new here & I’m in desparate need of advice. Here is my backstory: My husband & I have been together for 20 yrs. We have 4 kids. For the past year, I have felt something has been really off. I just recently have put the puzzle pieces together...I am very very depressed over this My husband has a crush (not sure what to call it) on a co worker. I’m scared to death to talk to him about it... We had an argument over his odd behaviors (at that time I never even suspected another woman was involved) & he flipped out on me. He screamed at me “What, do you think I like someone else? Here! Look at my phone!” I thought something bad was happening at his work & that he was not telling me...I never once said anything about a woman! That was 3 months ago...no, I did not look at his phone...until yesterday...he searched for this co worker on Facebook...he told my son at a Father/child event that his favorite movie is Forrest Gump (it has ALWAYS been Rudy)...this co worker dressed up as Jenny from Forrest Gump for Halloween last year. I’m sure there are other signs I have missed, but I was blind PLEASE...how do I talk to him about this?? I’m so heart broken... Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 What do you wish to accomplish? Would an affair be a deal breaker? My suggestion is to not talk to him about it yet. Start looking into everything you possibly can - consider a private investigator - you need to know what is really going on. Then brace yourself for the worst - get a plan in place in case he’s betrayed you. It’s likely way worse than you imagine based on his guilty (over) reaction. Are there any other things that seem out of the norm? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 11, 2019 Share Posted July 11, 2019 I'm sorry, it does sound suspicious. I agree with S2B. I would keep my eyes and ears open and see if you can get more information. I wouldn't try to talk to him about it again right now. If something really is going on and you stay alert you will find something more solid to back it up and come from a stronger position to confront him. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 Wifey this is where you stand your ground and don't let him push you around. You let him know you are not stupid, and it needs to be addressed. If I were you I would look for more evidence. Check to see if there is another phone, and check credit card and bank statements. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 13, 2019 Share Posted July 13, 2019 Hey just because your husband of 20 years, which makes him middle aged, has a crush on a coworker doesn't mean she gives one whit about him, trust me. Every guy in one office I worked had a crush on the youngest woman there just because she was the youngest, thinnest, and interrupted her work every day chitchatting. Doesn't mean she was trying to date any of them. Men get crushes on coworkers. I'd be more worried if they were near the same age, which I do not know. He's probably in such a sorry mood because he knows he has no chance with her but is nonetheless going to pay for it at home! Which is fine, just fine! Maybe get him out of the house more so his only titillation isn't at work! Maybe take him to the beach. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 I agree with Preraph. Maybe you are over reacting to this. Its one thing to have a crush and that is all it is and another to get involved or see the person. Don't accuse him until you have reason to think they are really together. I had big crushes on married women at work and nothing ever happened! There's no contact with the one I adored. She was NOT interested. This OW might be having innocent fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Artdeco Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 Well just because a potential OW isn’t interested, doesn’t mean HE’s not interested, which in turn means that he’d be DTF (or whatever else) if she said yes. IF he wants to have an affair and doesn’t have one only because his crush is not available or not interested, how does that make anything better for his wife?? Especially bc he’s been grumpy at home. No reason to celebrate here for the OP. Potential OW MIGHT eventually “give in”, or they’re already at it, and if none of this occurs, he may find some other AP who “likes” him. He’s apparently open to that stuff, so just bc matters are not entirely in his hands, doesn’t mean he’s not trying. Not sure whether any wife in this situation should sit back and relax.... Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 OP posted and dashed....so I wonder what the results were.......was she over reacting, or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Nancy21 Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 My advice would be call him out on it, if you let us continue it will Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 You have four kids to manage. Are you a stay at home wife? If so, I don't see you having a lot of time for detective work. You need an ally. Someone who can help you out? Are you friends with anyone from where he works? Anyway of getting mole in his job site or info from somebody's wife? Is there any family available that can help you do the research? Can you afford a PI? If you are technically savvy there are key logger programs that can be used on the computer. There are also GPS devices that can be added to his car so you can track him. I know many phones have this feature but they can be turned off. Voice activated recorders can be hidden in the car to try to catch phone calls. It's a bit hit and miss. You never know what you will hear. This might take many weeks, can you last that long? What do want the end result to be? If the evidence is damning will it be divorce or reconciliation? Before you begin you have to make this decision. Or you could talk to a lawyer and let him (your husband) find out that you did. When he tries to find out why - put him off, make up some story and let him stew. You may be able to torture a confession out of him if he thinks you know more then you do. Try to stay calm, cool and collected. We are all on your side. Best Wishes Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 All you really need is to get a look at this woman. See if you can find out her name and look her up on Google. If she's young and pretty, chances are she is totally not at all interested in this old married man! So he can want all he wants and it will suck, but chances are he'll just get shot down if he ever even has the nerve to make a move. Now, if he loses his job over this, then I'd kick his butt for being such an idiot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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