*VENT* I just broke up with my boyfriend

[ScaryPanda]

I just broke up with my boyfriend because I am still an utter mess.

 

Being abused, manipulated and disrespected is all I really know, I'm not used to being treated nicely. If there's a person in my life who means well, I immediately bring drama in. I close up, I get angry at myself, then at them and both of us just end up hurt.

 

I'm so tired of this. I'm not "that" person, I don't want to hurt anyone. I was perfectly fine when I was single but the moment I fell in love, I became insecure and wary. Yet he's the best person I've ever met. He's so kind, so warm and he genuinely loves me, unconditionally. He wouldn't cheat on me or hurt me in any way. Yet I can't let myself have it. I've tried to walk away before but I truly want to let him go now, literally just set him free. He's a gorgeous guy and there are so many beautiful women out there who can give him what he deserves. I have way too much baggage.

 

My heart is broken again and I don't see much point in anything. Yet I don't want help. I am so damn messed up, I feel like I am unlovable and that there is something fundamentally wrong with me. But instead of doing anything about it I just sit and wallow in it. Why, I'm not sure. Perhaps I'm not ready to get help, maybe I'm just punishing myself, I have no idea.

 

I don't want to be all cheesy but here's a great quote from Winnie The Pooh: "How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard". Thank you, dear ex. I'm sorry for making you cry, I'm sorry for not knowing what to say to you now. But I am incredibly grateful and you really made this last year worth living. I hope you won't forget me like others did.

[d0nnivain]

When you are ready to change you will change by getting help. That first step is the hardest. You have moved slightly in that direction because you now know that you have to seek professional intervention to understand how to accept goodness in your life.

 

You can do that