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I support the girls I like in things I shouldn't support them in

Kay_3

By Kay_3,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Kay_3

Kay_3

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Hello,

 

 

I have a BIG problem and I just wondering if other people here have it or have heard of it.

Whenever I have a crush/like someone and I get close with them I support them in things I shouldn't support them in.

 

 

This means if my crush would just talk about a guy who hit on her (like not too much detail, just like "This guy danced with me" or whatever, probably telling me to make me jealous), I would tell her to ask him for his phone number. Go on a date with him or whatever. I don't know why I am like this. Or when she says "I actually have to leave now", I am like "yeah, sure do it" although I don't want her to leave. Or even worse: she told me about a guy trying to kiss her and I was like "Yeah do it! It's not too bad!". Like why would I say this....

 

 

 

Do other people do this? Have you heard of someone doing this? Do girls do this? How do I stop doing it? It's probably because of my low self-esteem in terms of emotions, isn't it? A friend told me that insecure people are like this? Like if it comes to my emotions, I am really scared. I don't mind talking in front of like 300 people for some reason but emotions are just ugh :(

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PRW

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This means if my crush would just talk about a guy who hit on her (like not too much detail, just like "This guy danced with me" or whatever, probably telling me to make me jealous), I would tell her to ask him for his phone number. Go on a date with him or whatever. I don't know why I am like this. Or when she says "I actually have to leave now", I am like "yeah, sure do it" although I don't want her to leave. Or even worse: she told me about a guy trying to kiss her and I was like "Yeah do it! It's not too bad!". Like why would I say this....

 

If this was your GF already then having a little bit of an "I don't give a crap" attitude it a good thing as long as you don't go to some stupid extreme. It would show you were not over-invested in her and that she needs to put in a little effort to "keep you" rather than take you for granted.

 

Unfortunately she is not your GF,...she is a "crush". So in this case it makes you look like you are either gutless or are not interested in her. Stop having crushes, crushes are bad, they are immature, they are what guys who are "scared of girls" do.

 

So if you are somewhat interested in a girl then just flat out make a date with her so your intentions are clear. Girls are smart enough to know what a date means. After dating casually for a a month or two she should probably indicate to you that she wants to be exclusive and have you two only date each other. It is important that this come from her and not you. Then, and only then, are you BF/GF.

 

Once you reach that point then you showing confidence that you are not intimidated and will be "ok" if some other guy "dances" with her (or tries) is a good position to have (as long as you aren't a "dick" about it). It would show the attitude that you value yourself and it would be her loss if she let another guy drag her away from you.

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Kay_3

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If this was your GF already then having a little bit of an "I don't give a crap" attitude it a good thing as long as you don't go to some stupid extreme. It would show you were not over-invested in her and that she needs to put in a little effort to "keep you" rather than take you for granted.

 

Unfortunately she is not your GF,...she is a "crush". So in this case it makes you look like you are either gutless or are not interested in her. Stop having crushes, crushes are bad, they are immature, they are what guys who are "scared of girls" do.

 

So if you are somewhat interested in a girl then just flat out make a date with her so your intentions are clear. Girls are smart enough to know what a date means. After dating casually for a a month or two she should probably indicate to you that she wants to be exclusive and have you two only date each other. It is important that this come from her and not you. Then, and only then, are you BF/GF.

 

Once you reach that point then you showing confidence that you are not intimidated and will be "ok" if some other guy "dances" with her (or tries) is a good position to have (as long as you aren't a "dick" about it). It would show the attitude that you value yourself and it would be her loss if she let another guy drag her away from you.

 

 

Thank you for this really in depth answer. I understand what you mean and I will try to apply this in my next year of university. Actually, I will try to make it right with the girl I am talking to now although I already made some stupid comments like the ones above.

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Actually, I will try to make it right with the girl I am talking to now although I already made some stupid comments like the ones above.
The more they like you the more mistakes they allow you to make before you lose. You'll just have to see what happens.
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Kay_3

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The more they like you the more mistakes they allow you to make before you lose. You'll just have to see what happens.

 

 

Well I guess we are talking for 3 month now. I have said stuff like this like a lot. We had a big fight (because of some other bull**** and I got pretty angry). And she is still talking to me, so I guess either I am so extremely friendzoned (basically best friend forever) or she still likes me.

 

 

//Edit: Sometimes I would even tell her about the girls I meet/date to make her jealous. She reacts the same as me then tho. Also not ideal. But I guess it's because I am scared of her knowing that I like her :/

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so I guess either I am so extremely friendzoned (basically best friend forever) or she still likes me.
Fair assumption.

 

//Edit: Sometimes I would even tell her about the girls I meet/date to make her jealous.
Dumb thing to do, it makes it clear you are just shoving it in her face and being vindictive. That only works if she sees you by "accident" when you are with another so it doesn't look like you set her up to see it. Still no way to judge her reaction. Date others and forget about it. If she come backs around then she will,...if she won't then she won't.
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Kay_3

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If she come backs around then she will,...if she won't then she won't.

 

 

She comes back all the time so I think I am good or a best friend but since she is pretty jealous of my female best friend who I am with a lot, I think she still likes me. But anyways that's something I will see in the long run.

 

 

Thank you so much for your help! I will try to use this advice with the girl I am talking to rn but most importantly with girls I will meet in the next days! That was very helpful and I hope I can overcome my "fears"!

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smackie9

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She's trying to tell you something ...."PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" "Don't you like me?" "HEY I'm right here!" Not only is she trying to get under your skin, she's trying to look like she has value/ desirability. Now being a little aloof is OK but, don't be a d*%# about it. Learn the push and pull method. Plenty of instruction on youtube for that. Start your training

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Kay_3

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She's trying to tell you something ...."PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" "Don't you like me?" "HEY I'm right here!" Not only is she trying to get under your skin, she's trying to look like she has value/ desirability. Now being a little aloof is OK but, don't be a d*%# about it. Learn the push and pull method. Plenty of instruction on youtube for that. Start your training

 

Well yes, but I made a decision. About 2 month ago (when we had the fight) she said that she sees us as friends. But she does not behave like a friend at all. We even went on a date after she said that.

Since then we got even closer and she is also playing hard to get. I am pretty sure that I am not just one of her normal friends. She is hot and cold, making me jealous, jealous of my female friends, ignoring me when I am being "cold", etc.... Let’s not talk about the time when I asked her what kind of guy she wants to date and she basically started listing my best character traits. Anyways, I don't wanna deal with it. Yes, I like her but it is not worth it. I think about it too much.

She could just be straight up with me.

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smackie9

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Girls like to do a dance to build up sexual tension, by playing hard to get, want to be chased but at the same time the guy has to have a little edge to him. This girl maybe a little over the top for you. Maybe she's cuckoo for coco puffs, and you dodged a bullet.

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Kay_3

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Girls like to do a dance to build up sexual tension, by playing hard to get, want to be chased but at the same time the guy has to have a little edge to him. This girl maybe a little over the top for you. Maybe she's cuckoo for coco puffs, and you dodged a bullet.

 

 

Well but like she is so "hot" and "cold" so randomly that it isn't even fun. The one day she might be all jealous, compliment me, etc... and I might be "cold" bc I have a bad day or whatever and the next day when I am "hot" and would compliment her, then she acts all "cold". It is just annoying.

And this kinda takes my motivation to chase her although it is supposed to increase my motivation to chase her?

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smackie9

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Psychologists recommend to avoid persons who have hot/cold personalities at all costs.

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Kay_3

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Psychologists recommend to avoid persons who have hot/cold personalities at all costs.

 

So I didn’t text her for like 24 hours and since then she doesn’t like any of my posts on social media. Really mature and I am definitely just a friend. Cause like if one of my friends doesn’t reply to me for ONCE, I stop liking everything on their social media. Who doesn't???

I will meet someone better. Thanks for all your help!

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preraph

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Next time, you better act like an adult and let the woman you like her by taking her on dates and kissing her.

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Foxhall

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You are good at perceiving what the other person wants to hear and you are happy to play along with that and you are more comfortable when the other person is comfortable so to speak,

 

I used to be like that, but have changed my outlook somewhat in recent years,

 

think it is better in the long run to have definitive opinions, you will be more interesting if you have your own opinions and are not acting out the role of a people pleaser all the time,

 

no harm to rock the boat from time to time.

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