how do i tell him

[anja]

For the past many months, I have been in an on-again, off-again relationship with my boyfriend. When we are off-again, he is more than bound and determined to get back into my graces, says he needs me and wants to open himself up to me, wants to know all of me, and will do anything it takes. However, we date for a month or two, or occasionally for longer than that and break up for about a month. We have so much fun together, and are passionate about each other, but he feels we need to talk more. I have been in one other serious relationship, and am very hesitant to open up my soul to anyone. . . guess I'm scared to. I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world, and I know that he feels the same way, but I can tell what we are together by the way he acts, by the way he looks, even when he's not so good about telling me (when we are dating, he never really does open up, and I ask him to please help me open up, because he's been there before. .. he's been engaged before, and has been in many long-term relationships).

 

Here is the rub. In the process of breaking up the other night, I just decided to open my soul to him, told him that I really did love him and wanted him in my future, but that I wanted him to be patient and help me to open up even more. His response was that if I couldn't instantaneously open up to him, he must not be "the one" for me. I told him that there's no time limit for love to blossom, that it's not that I don't love him, it's that i have a hard time expressing it vocally (but am very adept at being physically expressive). He said he thought that love was something you'd never have to work at, and if the only time I could open up to him was when we were breaking up, he'd rather not worry about being in love if he got to know who I really was. I'm torn. I know he's just scared. Even when we are broken up, he sings to me, he holds me, he yearns to be with me. His friends constantly tell me he's just scared, just scared to actually open up himself.

 

So, does anyone out there have any advice. I would be ever so appreciative. i love him more than the world, and need to know how i can possibly get it across to him that i'm just as scared as he is, but that just because i'm slow to speak it doesn't mean that we're doomed for eternity.