How stupid I am?

[Akashsingh]

Just realized how stupid I am.

 

She is not technically my ex. Lets say I worked with a married woman and she became a really good friend of me. We had an excellent rapport. I think she developed feelings for me and I didnt realize that I did too. However, our friendship developed for 12-15 months and last 3 months we were not communicating well , primarily because I had started to withdraw from that relationship thinking it was not sustainable , primarily because she had a 2 yr old child. The breakup was sudden and we have not talked since except for one online exchange on facebook. We fought one day, I yelled at her and thats it , next day I was not working with her. I was around in the same company for 6 more weeks. I stopped all communication with her including acknowledging her presence or saying hi to her. she didn't expect that. I felt she was the one instrumental in getting me fired. A friend told me, she had set me up. Before leaving I told my boss everything including how she set me up.

 

For 2 years there after we played cat and mouse on facebook. We had many mutual friends. She would try and entice them away from me or try to show much fun she was having. The jealousy pictures with her husband etc . I got them all . Then someone here told me to block her because she responded to one of my comments on facebook unprompted. I did. for 6 months & I was healing but then I unblocked her one day. I wanted to leave the communication channel open. Deep inside, I felt, she would start contact again. A few months later her pictures of PDA with her husband started to show up. She would tag my friends in the pictures, so I could see them. She is not in my friend list.

 

You may say its not about me, but I felt she wanted me to see them. I was confused, was she trying to tell me to go away and that she was happy with her husband? or was she trying to make me jealous or that it had nothing to do with me. This happened 3-4 times. I was depressed but eventually I found a job and I am now employed.

 

I didn't understand a woman enticed me on her own , for 18 months and thereafter tried to get my attention on social media, would she suddenly lose feelings for me? completely? To share with you, She is not naive, she is very shrewd.

 

and now the shocker..... I just found out she is pregnant with her second child.

 

For last 6 months or so she had no facebook activity. The last time, she was commenting on my mutual friend's post, I made her look stupid by ignoring her and clicking like on some other woman's post. A woman she did not like. I knew something was up and I was wondering why she was not posting pictures like usual, only to find out her announcing her pregnancy.

 

It felt surreal, disbelief. But then I also thought how stupid I was to give my heart to her. I am composed and generally doing well but then I could not believe how quickly she moved on. In 2 years 3 months now, that she and I last spoke, I thought about her everyday. I tend to think she missed me too, but what surprised me was how quickly she moved on. She had no second thoughts or feelings or closure or anything. She kept posting pictures that would hurt me again and again and now this.....that she is expecting her second child. I just don't know what to make out of this. I have not had any sex in last 2 yrs but here she is pregnant again

 

A girl I was dating told me to block her for 1 yr at a minimum immediately. I did but then I also unblocked her immediately and now this new girl also does not want to date me...... terrible.

Edited July 12, 2019 by Akashsingh

[elaine567]

You are unhealthily obsessed with this woman, I doubt she thinks of you at all.

Time to go back to therapy.

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to keep this woman blocked, forever.

 

She is living her life and about to become a mom again. Believe me when I say her heart and mind are elsewhere now.

 

Let this be a lesson to never get involved with a married woman again.

[elaine567]

 

Let this be a lesson to never get involved with a married woman again.

 

He was never actually "involved" with her.

[Maddie82]

You are imaging everything here. There was no relationship, you just got on well as friends. She's married with a family and it sounds to me like maybe you were coming on a bit strong so she backed off. You in turn took this as a break up. It wasn't a break up because it was never a relationship. She informed superiors of your behavior then you lost your job. No, none of the things she did on Facebook were for your benefit. You are obsessed.

[stillafool]

It also isn't a shocker that a married woman is pregnant by her husband.

[Deya]

We all do things which we later regret doing. take over her. She is your past, not future, these ill memories will disappear, be strong, modern women are heartless and too self-concentrated. she just wants to make you suffer mentally.

[Maddie82]

We all do things which we later regret doing. take over her. She is your past, not future, these ill memories will disappear, be strong, modern women are heartless and too self-concentrated. she just wants to make you suffer mentally.

 

He's imagining all this. There was no relationship and no break up. Things that she posted on Facebook were not for his benefit. She is in a happy marriage with a family. He is clearly obsessed with this woman and has fooled himself into believing that everything she does is for his benefit. He needs therapy.

[Akashsingh]

I am not imagining this all. These are the facts. She knows she pursued me and we built a friendship that suddenly got over. The warnings were there, but I had warned one day that she was creating trouble for me at work and I was about to go to her / my boss. I thought that warning was the end of it, thats when she planned to get rid of me. She planned it and executed it and I was caught off guard. Of course losing temper is on me but I cant be walking egg shells every day at work. She knows what buttons to press so I can lose my cool.

 

There was one project where she trashed my idea ( not intentionally) and I told her that I didnt want to collaborate with her and there was another project which she didnt want me to do but, I told her I would do it and got it completed. She took grudge against that.

 

She knew I was a divorced man and she was flirting the whole time to entice me to see how far I would go, or she genuinely had feelings for me. I don't think she wanted to hook up with me. Maybe due to my bad behavior (anger) and repeatedly picking a fight with her over our differences she went back to her husband. Its easy for a woman to claim harassment, specially a married good looking woman against a divorced man while flirting with men outside their own marriage. Its easy that a man will be perceived as the problem.

 

She has done this to another man as well as I was told by one of our co workers. Another one called me later to tell me that she and her husband were both power hungry people. And I saw myself that she used a female colleague of ours during the holidays to get extra work done and then got rid of her as soon as that work was done.

 

Anyways, I agree with the other posters that its in the past and the best thing for me is to completely forget her as her heart and mind is elsewhere now. Not everything she does is about me but I can sense when she posts 80 pictures of her & husband and then tags my mutual friend in one of those pictures. Thats about making sure I see all those pictures.

Edited July 13, 2019 by Akashsingh

[Maddie82]

From the things you have said though you do sound a little obessessed. You said she had no activity on Facebook for 6 months. You are not friends on Facebook so you were obviously stalking her page all that time. Why after so long did you feel the need to post about it? Why can't you just let it go?

[ExpatInItaly]

She knew I was a divorced man and she was flirting the whole time to entice me to see how far I would go, or she genuinely had feelings for me. I don't think she wanted to hook up with me.

 

Can you elaborate - what did she say or do?