To all the unmatchables...

[basil67]

My daughter is a service worker so I sought her advice. She says it's OK to ask them out if you're humble about it. But if you're aggressive in your approach (hey, you should come out with me), she'd be catching the eye of the security guard.

[mr_ybor]

You seem like an interesting, creative, intelligent, attractive guy who isn’t creepy (aware that hitting on people who are interacting with you because it’s their job might be tricky).

 

Awwwww... thanks.

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t get this. You have had 3 girls hit on you in the past week but yet you are unmatchable?

 

Welcome to my weird existence.

 

 

 

 

 

Online dating isn't for everyone. It's notorious for being difficult, there's that statistic floating around of 20% of men being sought after by 80% of the women

 

I don't know that I've seen any actual cited hard data that confirms this. There was the OkCupid data from Dataclysm that according to their subjective rating system, women rated ~80% of men as below average looking... but it was still a bell curve, simply shifted hard to the left. On the converse, women tended to message men at-or-below their numerical rating. I'll have to dig up the book and look back through the details.

 

That leaves me two theories: Either I'm honest-to-goodness near universally unattractive, or I'm not being presented to women would potentially be a compatible mutual match. They're simply not seeing my profile for some reason, something the algorithm is doing... like the old Tinder Elo system, I don't think I could ever win at because of how that worked.

 

Online dating isn't for everyone.

 

Yeah, I keep hearing that... which begs the question, who is it for?

Edited July 15, 2019 by mr_ybor

[workslink]

I feel for you. Tried everything on online dating and am almost seven years without on a date. I don't get any of this.

 

Yeah, same here as I still find it rather hard to believe in girls as I bank on outrage and alarmism.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I remember registering for eHarmony many years ago. Took it very seriously. Spent an obscene amount of time filling out that damn questionnaire only to hit send and get an alert letting me know that unfortunately, they did not have anyone to match with me! Like WTF?!

 

I've since done again a few years later and redid the questionnaire making sure to loosen up on some of my responses which resulted in...wait for it...matches!

 

Welcome to online dating.

 

Maybe your preferences are too restrictive or your expectations are too high. We've all been there. The longer you're online, the smaller the pool becomes and the further you need to cast your net in order to get something to bite.

 

The ironic thing about dating is that when meeting in real life, we have so many more things to base attraction on then just looks. If someone is halfway decent looking, their personality and sense of humor can turn them into a total catch making them perfectly acceptable dating material. When you're online, looks rule and is about the only thing that opens all the doors. Personality and all those other important qualities that go into making someone who they are, are rarely considered unless you fit someone's physical ideal.

 

Moral of the story? Real life is far more forgiving than online.

Edited July 15, 2019 by Michelle ma Belle

[mr_ybor]

I remember registering for eHarmony many years ago. Took it very seriously. Spent an obscene amount of time filling out that damn questionnaire only to hit send and get an alert letting me know that unfortunately, they did not have anyone to match with me! Like WTF?!

 

I've since done again a few years later and redid the questionnaire making sure to loosen up on some of my responses which resulted in...wait for it...matches!

 

Well, early on, eHarmony infamously noped just about everyone without "traditional", "Christian", "family values", most notably targeting gays and bisexuals... so if you mentioned being okay with marijuana, open relationships, butt stuff, whatever somewhere in the questionnaire, you got the boot. They changed after they got tore up in the media eye about it. I won't even think about using that trash site, and would hardly consider it the "norm" for online daters.

 

Maybe your preferences are too restrictive or your expectations are too high. We've all been there.

 

I don't think so. I mean, I'm looking for something for the long-haul, so one has to keep that in mind and have parameters to fit that... but frankly, I'm pretty open minded, and I've certainly contacted or yes'd soooooooo many profiles, I'm not sure how it could ever be construed as restrictive.

 

The longer you're online, the smaller the pool becomes and the further you need to cast your net in order to get something to bite.

 

Not sure I understand the math on this.

 

Moral of the story? Real life is far more forgiving than online.

 

Not IME. In the last 8 years or so:

 

Dates from online: 4

Relationships from online: 1 (from one of the above)

Dates in real life: 0

Relationships from real life: 0

[d0nnivain]

Mr Ybor

 

I doubt that you are undatable. I think you are looking for love in the wrong places.

 

If you work from home join a business group for other people who work from home. It forces you to get out once per week for a breakfast usually or a lunch to connect with others who face that isolation.

 

Your music hobby may skew more male but aren't the fans female? I find it hard to believe that when you are performing women don't hit on you.

 

You live in a hip, up & coming area. Make yourself a regular somewhere.

 

Other options include:

 

1. Take or teach an adult education class

 

2. Join a co-ed sports team

 

3. Volunteer somewhere doing something you are passionate about: saving the beaches / environment; bringing music education back to public school; rescuing animals, raising money to fight disease

 

5. Protest something or get involved in a political campaign

 

6. Tell everybody you know you are open to being fixed up. Your buddies' wives & GF will have fun playing match maker

 

7. Go to singles events, especially the niche ones. I did one where I could bring my Dalmatian which got me a lot of attention. (All the other women had tiny dogs). I signed up for another where they paired people up to play golf. Hey a round of golf even if the company wasn't my dream guy was still better then sitting home wondering why OLD sucks.

 

8. Get a 2nd P/T job where you can meet women, like bartender. The extra money will be nice too.

 

9. Go to MeetUp groups that do thinks that interest you. I went to one where we played board games on Monday nights. As an only child I never had anybody to play games with so I was thrilled. It was all very low key.

 

10. Get yourself involved in the community. Join the Elks, the Moose, the lions, the volunteer fire department. Serve on some community board through town hall. Volunteer to be on a board of trustees somewhere.

 

All in all you just have to do things that widen your social circle. In time you will meet a great person for you, but that person is probably not on line

[guy45]

You are a good looking guy. Let me tell you this though, 99% of women I met have told me they don't like beards.

 

Don't let online dating discourage you from dating. Let's face it most of the people who are single on there have standards that are way too high.

 

 

 

You will however probably not meet someone you like online, the competition is way too high.

 

Find a hobby that can expand your social circle and meet someone there, the competition will be 9000% less. And you can still try to meet people online at the same time.

[mr_ybor]

If you work from home join a business group for other people who work from home. It forces you to get out once per week for a breakfast usually or a lunch to connect with others who face that isolation.

 

That's an interesting concept. Dunno where I'd find something like that. I was thinking about paying in to a co-op workspace, I used to do that in the past. It was a lot of guys, though.

 

Your music hobby may skew more male but aren't the fans female? I find it hard to believe that when you are performing women don't hit on you.

 

Not at all. I remember someone referring to shows as the "c*** forrest", LOL!

 

Not to mention I'm not in a band right now. Finding compatible bandmates is harder than finding compatible women. When I was playing out, I only ever got hit on / a girl's number once. Groupies are kinda a myth in 2019.

 

You live in a hip, up & coming area. Make yourself a regular somewhere.

 

Oh, I am. There are a couple of spots that are very much in line with my weirdo crowd near me.

 

1. Take or teach an adult education class

 

I would really like to... the community college is walking distance from my place. My work's erratic schedule wouldn't jive with it, though.

 

[snip: a bunch of decent ideas to get out there...]

 

All in all you just have to do things that widen your social circle. In time you will meet a great person for you, but that person is probably not on line

 

I hear all that. It's appreciated, but it's not like I don't get out there and try to do things, but there's only so much time in a week. I do work hard, go to the gym, cook for myself, try and create artistically, relax and watch some TV or movie, visit my family, etc. so there's a limit to just how much stuff I can do... not to mention it costs money to be out all the time. Keep in mind, I'm an ambivert that leans introverted, too. Part of the time I get stir crazy and want to be out around people, but a lot of the time it's mentally exhausting.

 

I guess that's the appeal of dating apps. It's more low-key, you don't have to be out there in the din all the time. I just feel so repulsive on them. I mean, I know I'm not.

 

Like, another story: Saturday afternoon, I'm grabbing a burger at a local fast-casual joint on my way over to help my mom with some Mr. Fixit kinda stuff around her house and the cashier goes on her break and sits down with some food and I look over and she's giving me "the look", like no subtlety whatsoever! So, yeah. I'm sure I'm not repulsive.

Edited July 22, 2019 by mr_ybor

[Chris2016]

Only 7? I went way longer than that back in the past. Then I decided to get my act together and was able to date once or twice a month, sometimes more, and I went for about a 2 year span of time without ever getting a "no" to a "first date". I used to never try because I thought they would say "no",...but now I try much less often because I'm afraid they will say "yes" and am not sure I want to follow through because I am more selective now. During my later successful period I was old, balder, and less attractive then I was in the past when I couldn't accomplish anything.

 

The only one that makes you unmatchable,...or matchable,...is you.

 

What does that mean (in bold)?

[mr_ybor]

What does that mean (in bold)?

 

Indeed. I didn't know "my act wasn't together".

[mr_ybor]

What does that mean (in bold)?

 

I guess we never get an answer, Chris, haha... we live in a state or "Schrodinger's Act". Is it together? Is it not?

[chillii]

That's an interesting concept. Dunno where I'd find something like that. I was thinking about paying in to a co-op workspace, I used to do that in the past. It was a lot of guys, though.

 

 

 

Not at all. I remember someone referring to shows as the "c*** forrest", LOL!

 

Not to mention I'm not in a band right now. Finding compatible bandmates is harder than finding compatible women. When I was playing out, I only ever got hit on / a girl's number once. Groupies are kinda a myth in 2019.

 

 

 

Oh, I am. There are a couple of spots that are very much in line with my weirdo crowd near me.

 

 

 

I would really like to... the community college is walking distance from my place. My work's erratic schedule wouldn't jive with it, though.

 

[snip: a bunch of decent ideas to get out there...]

 

 

 

I hear all that. It's appreciated, but it's not like I don't get out there and try to do things, but there's only so much time in a week. I do work hard, go to the gym, cook for myself, try and create artistically, relax and watch some TV or movie, visit my family, etc. so there's a limit to just how much stuff I can do... not to mention it costs money to be out all the time. Keep in mind, I'm an ambivert that leans introverted, too. Part of the time I get stir crazy and want to be out around people, but a lot of the time it's mentally exhausting.

 

I guess that's the appeal of dating apps. It's more low-key, you don't have to be out there in the din all the time. I just feel so repulsive on them. I mean, I know I'm not.

 

Like, another story: Saturday afternoon, I'm grabbing a burger at a local fast-casual joint on my way over to help my mom with some Mr. Fixit kinda stuff around her house and the cashier goes on her break and sits down with some food and I look over and she's giving me "the look", like no subtlety whatsoever! So, yeah. I'm sure I'm not repulsive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well l'm having a hard time feeling much sympathy tbh. l mean your what was it around 30 or so , yet more women seemingly giving you the nod .

Just wth is the problem then.

[mr_ybor]

Well l'm having a hard time feeling much sympathy tbh. l mean your what was it around 30 or so , yet more women seemingly giving you the nod .

Just wth is the problem then.

 

Yeah, I'm not 30. I'm 42.

Edited August 10, 2019 by mr_ybor

[Cersei]

I recently signed up for online dating. (I am female) I have gotten about 35 matches in about a week and a half. So I would like to think I am not hideous.

 

Anyway what have I "yes"ed? What has caught my attention?

Pictures where the dude seems to be enjoying himself! Pics at at hockey game, golfing, in Vegas, sitting around a campfire, etc. Some of the guys in the pictures were not exactly my taste but hey I want in on some of that fun!

 

Pics that made me "no" immediately: smokes hanging from the mouth, guys on horses, tongue gestures.

 

Tip from a female: Be sure your pictures show the real you doing things that you enjoy. Don't be too long winded in your write up but do put something about you.

[mr_ybor]

Tip from a female: Be sure your pictures show the real you doing things that you enjoy.

 

Yeah, they do. Good thing I'm not into riding horses, because that's trash apparently. News to me.

Edited August 10, 2019 by mr_ybor

[Cersei]

Oh no it's not trash at all. Just not my thing at all. Lots of girls like that kind of guy.

[mr_ybor]

Oh no it's not trash at all. Just not my thing at all. Lots of girls like that kind of guy.

 

Oh, you probably shouldn't throw that out there as catch-all advice then. Equestrians need love too.

[mr_ybor]

Am I really that bad?

[Flame Aura]

Without seeing your pic it's hard to say.

[basil67]

He told us on aother thread (which I'm sure this is about to be attached to) that women like him for his appearance. So if that's true, the problem is how he presents his personality.

[mr_ybor]

Without seeing your pic it's hard to say.

 

 

Why's that?

[mr_ybor]

So if that's true, the problem is how he presents his personality.

 

Indeed, so how the crap does this stuff work?

[salparadise]

First, you need to be among the top ten percent or so looks wise. You need good pics with your shirt on –– no bathroom mirror selfies, and do not include dead fish or animals. You need to write something clever without sounding like an arsehole. And last but not least, you need to be funny, because they all love to laugh and apparently it's a man's responsibility to facilitate that. It also doesn't hurt to look well-heeled, be a world traveler (pics of the Eiffel Tower), drive a European car and own an upscale house. So which of these things are you not getting right?

[mr_ybor]

@salparadise...

 

 

Is that me?

Edited August 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Watercolors]

@ mr_ybor it's not you...it's online dating. Online dating is HORRIBLE. It promotes the hookup culture. And, lots of scammers and fake profiles. Yuck.

 

Sure, sure some people find success with it and meet their future spouse. But 99% of the time, it's just a waste of the monthly fee that could be saved for a future vacation somewhere fun instead.

 

Are there no meetup groups you could join in your city? You'd have much better luck joining a social group through an organization like meetup, or a community sports team or community education class to meet women than you would throwing your money at online dating.

 

So many online dating scammers out there who are looking to steal your cash, not actually your heart. Don't waste your time.